Sunday, July 4, 2010

Happy Fourth!

I'd like to extend a very happy Fourth of July to all of our American readers. That's right Canada, there's nothing for you here today. Today is all about celebrating our independence from equally bad at soccer England. And we do it the American way, dammit. We drink too much, eat too much and then let our kids blow their arms off with fireworks we drove to Alabama for. Those rapscallions.

I love a good drinking holiday. And I will certainly be indulging today. So you can look forward to a good drunken All Star snub post sometime later tonight/tomorrow. Try to be responsible though. Don't drink and drive kids. Please, drink as much as you can but sleep it off on your friend's linoleum floored kitchen. And please don't use those two cheeseburgers as buns for your steak sandwich. I'm worried about your cholesterol, America (I am engineering that steak burger burger for Chilis though). Also, those homemade bottle rockets are most likely going to hit Steve in the eye. They're completely unpredictable. Please just go buy real ones.

While it may seem un-American of me to use British model Lucy Pinder for this post, I dare you to find a hotter chick in an American flag bikini. And no, British model Keeley Hazell does not count.

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