A.J. Burnett in Master Bunter

If A.J. Burnett would have just waived his no trade clause to go to the Angels.


A.J. Burnett signed a 5-year, $82.5 million contract with the Yankees in 2009. But no matter how many neck tattoos he got, Burnett could never live up to the New York expectations. The media and fans gave Burnett hell for not performing to the massive contract. Distraught, and seeking approval, it's rumored Burnett even donned a pointed mask and fought crime one winter in Gotham. Unfortunately, armed only with a fastball and curveball, he rarely hit his target.

After Yankees GM Brian Cashman swung a blockbuster trade for young stud pitcher Michael Pineda, the writing was on the wall for our protagonist. A.J. was going to be traded. The Angels offered chubby malcontent Bobby Abreu for Burnett and the Yankees urged the right hander to waive his no trade. It was to no avail.

Burnett's young bride, a Maryland native, is terrified of flying. And who can blame her with all these motherf*cking snakes on these motherf*cking planes. It was back to the drawing board for Cashman.

The only other suitor was the Pittsburgh Pirates. Burnett would immediately become their best pitcher and perhaps a great trade chip if he pitched well in the National League. But a new obstacle would soon face A.J. For some archaic reason, in his new league, he'd have balls thrown at him too. Usually when the pitcher grabs a bat, there are two approaches. Flail wildly until you're sent back to the dugout or bunt.

On Thursday, Burnett would climb into the batting cage and begin his studies on the art of bunting. It went like this...



See, A.J. was no Master Bunter after all. He did make contact, that much is certain. Instead of hitting the ball into the ground, he took a different approach. Burnett sent that bunt screaming into his face. He'll need surgery for the broken orbital bone and is out indefinitely.

Is there a moral to this story? I'm glad you asked. Pitchers hitting is stupid. Designated Hitters for all leagues!

*One Burnett was injured during the writing of this post*

AJ Burnett Told No Thank You By Yankees

The Yankees have decided to start CC Sabathia on short rest rather than giving AJ Burnett a game 4 start. Burnett had just about his worst professional season in 2010 during the second year of his 5-year, $82.5 million contract. His 5.26/4.83/4.66 (ERA/FIP/xFIP) line is the worst of his career and, perhaps even more concerning, he struck out much fewer (6.99 K/9) than his career average (8.34 K/9). His walk and strand rates were right along his career norms and his BABIP (.319) wasn't wildly unlucky. He simply stopped striking hitters out this year.

So the Yanks will give Sabathia and 38-year-old Andy "Come On, You Know You Want To" Pettitte 2 starts if necessary against the Twins and they'll mix in a game 3 start from Phil Hughes. How the Yankees can spend $3 billion on payroll and not find a quality fourth starter baffles me. I suppose that will be corrected this off-season when they write Cliff Lee a blank check.

In a rather amusing turn of events, the Yankees will face former "employee" and blog enemy Carl Pavano. Pavano is enjoying a nice bounce back season for the Twins sporting a decent 3.75/4.02/4.01 pitching line. And with a 17-11 record, he'll most likely receive way too many Cy Young votes. Which I will find hilarious because it will make Derwood's head explode.

Shot Of The Night

Shot Of The Night is Off Base Percentage's toast to a player who had an exceptionally good or bad night. There's always a reason to drink.

Last night's shot of the night was The Bad Guy: 3 oz absinthe herbal liqueur, 1 oz Bacardi® 151 rum, 1 oz Everclear® alcohol. Delicious, but I ended up tripping for 8 hours. I tried to write this post after knocking back a couple of those but it ended up just being the letter "B" 400 times. Hopefully it will go better this time around. Last night's shot of the night was in honor of A.J. Burnett.

A.J. Burnett was anything but The Good Guy last night. See what I did there? Burnett threw 43 pitches over 2 innings and gave up 4 runs on 4 hits and two hit batters. Then he cut his hands slamming a door. Yeah, I don't know how that happens either. A.J. has seen better days. Things would continue to get worse for the big righty when I called him into my fantasy baseball office to inform him of his release. Former Angel Dustin Moseley didn't fare much better replacing Burnett. Moseley pitched 3 innings and gave up another 4 runs on 5 hits and 3 walks. Chad Gaudin was the star Yankee pitcher of the night, tossing 4 innings of 4 hit, 2 run ball.

Honorable Mention: Reid Brignac
Might as well stick with the Yankee-Rays game. The Rays second baseman and number 9 hitter went 3-5 with 2 home runs and 5 RBI. His first home run led to A.J. Burnett's hand-splitting, door-shoving incident. His second home run just made Dustin Moseley feel bad about himself.

Shot Of The Night

Shot Of The Night is Off Base Percentage's toast to a player who had an exceptionally good or bad night. There's always a reason to drink.

Tonight's shot of the night is a 666: 1/3 Sambuca, 1/3 Jack Daniels, 1/3 Tequila. And it's in honor of A.J. Burnett.

A.J. Burnett pitched a miserable 3 innings for the Yankees (and my fantasy team) while giving up 6 hits, 6 runs and 6 walks. He struck out 5 keeping New York from being cursed with the quadruple sign of the beast. When reached for comment, Hideki Irabu said, "I was eating that."

Honorable Mention: Justin Masterson
He pitched 5 innings for the Indians. He gave up 6 hits, 6 runs and had 4 walks and 2 strikeouts. It's a math jumble!