Welcome to Defending First Base Joe Mauer

The Minnesota Twins have decided to move the face of their franchise to a more upright defensive position for 2014 and beyond. Joe Mauer will give up catching, where I assume he talked trash to opposing hitters about their sisters' promiscuity, to stand around first base and chitchat up opposing players about their thoughts on the walleye on a stick. The final straw to break Mauer's proverbial catching back was probably the season ending concussion he suffered on a foul tip October 19. The news of the position switch came through, you guessed it, Twitter...

BREAKING: Joe Mauer to transition to first base in 2014. pic.twitter.com/oxasig95K4

— Minnesota Twins (@Twins) November 11, 2013

The move comes three years into the mammoth 8-year/$184MM deal Mauer received in 2011 and is likely three years too late. Of course, Mauer was blocked by a permanent move to first base previously due to the presence of Justin Morneau, otherwise known as one-half of the least dynamic duos of MVP awards in 2006 with Ryan Howard. Morneau was sent to the glue factory Pittsburgh late in 2013 to open up the position for Mauer while leaving a gaping hole at catcher.

It's not like the Twins or anybody else couldn't see this coming. While catching 7,883 innings for the Twins since 2004, Mauer suffered nearly as many back and knee injuries as Baskin Robbins has flavors. Injuries might be hard to predict, unless you have your starting small forward crouching behind a plate all day everyday. Mauer is 6'5. Squatting is not a position that promotes health for tall individuals. General Mills never had the Jolly Green Giant pick all of that corn and that's why he's still a relevant cartoon character 85 years later.

Mauer does already have almost 500 innings logged at first base. And don't worry, fantasy players, his .323/.405/.468 career slash line will help out at first even if he never comes close to those 28 homers he hit in 2009. Mauer is still a very special player who deserves a long MLB career. He'll turn 31 on April 19th and, you know what, it would kinda be cool if he can still walk when he turns 51. Good for Joe, good for the Twins.

Now, how is Minnesota going to fill the catcher vacancy currently being held by a mesh screen with a happy face drawn on it?

2013 Team Awards: Minnesota Twins

In order to review the 2013 season, the crackpot staff of Off Base is handing out awards to each Major League team. Please send us $19.95 for the shipping and handling of your team's Hello Kitty stickers awards. Here are the Most Valuable Player, Least Valuable Player, Cy Young, Cy Yuck, Rookie of the Year and Reliever of the Year for the Twins. 
 
*Guidelines, prices and participation may vary by author*


MVP: Trevor Plouffe

No, only kidding, it was Joe Mauer. The Twins' catcher had another outstanding season - .324 average, .404 on-base in 113 games - and was the only bright spot on an offense that scored just 614 runs. Well, unless you count Brian Dozier and his 18 home runs as a bright spot, but please don't.

"The Twins struck out nearly three times as much as they walked (1,430 K, second-most in baseball & 533 walks), but take away Eric Fryer's 3 K, 3 BB season and it's only 1427 to 530."

- Damion Pettigrew, Eric Fryer fan club member #289

LVP: Pedro Florimon

After being claimed off waivers from the Orioles, Florimon hit .219 in 43 games for the '12 Twins. Management had seen enough and made Florimon the everyday shortstop for 2013, and he did dissapoint, hitting .221 with a .281 on-base percentage, though his 115 strike outs were only fourth-worst on the team.

Other things Florimon did fourth-worst on the 2013 Twins:

* Fourth-worst audition for the Ron Gardenhire-directed one-act play Dances With Foul Poles during batting practice on May 17th
* Fourth-worst impersonation of bullpen coach Nate Dammann at the post-season team picnic
* August 5-11 road trip - Fourth-worst job of brushing his teeth

Florimon leaping over a Texas Rangers player during happier times (card value: 11 pistachio shells)

Cy Young: Glen Perkins

Perkins was excellent in the closer's role - 0.92 WHIP, 2.30 ERA, 36 saves - and struck out over 11 batters per nine innings (seventh among AL relievers).

Cy Yuck: Scott Diamond

Diamond was a pretty good starter for the Twins in 2012, so I'm assuming another solid season was expected of him in 2013. Instead, the southpaw faced 576 batters and didn't get many of them out, or least didn't get Lorenzo Cain out that much on August 1 (two walks and a single for anyone retroactively charting fantasy statistics). Diamond won six games, but four of them came against the Whitesox (3) and Mariners (1), so Diamond won two games.

Rookie reliever of the Year: Caleb Thielbar
ROY: Josmil Pinto

Here's the thing about the 2013 Twins: about six players were valuable. That's out of 319 who wore the uniform during the six-month season. So there seems to be more awards than people. Perkins was the top pitcher and reliever, which makes the left-handed reliever Thielbar the top rookie after being called up in late-May and pitching to a 1.76 ERA in 49 games. 

Pinto played in just 21 September games, but we can't give the ROY to Chuck Knoblauch because he was a rookie in 1991, and we can't give the ROY to Ernie Fontana because he is an imaginary player, so it's Pinto (.342/.398/.566 in 83 plate appearances).

Twins Seek Free Agents, Free Agents Seek Anywhere Else

The Star Tribune posted a list, that was originally broadcasted by KFTP's Darren Wolfson, listing pitchers that are on the Minnesota Twins free agent wish list this winter. And I, your humble author, am going to safely assume that these pitchers put the Twins somewhere between the Royals and Astros on their list of hopeful destinations. Other than the five indoor water parks, the Mall of America and the "too happy for their own good" Canadian outcasts, I don't see many reasons why a player would sign with a team that can't get itself out of the AL Central's basement.

If you chose to not click the link, the list is as follows: Anibal Sanchez, Ryan Dempster, Brandon McCarthy, Brett Myers and Brandon Webb.