Offbase Off the Field

Offbase Off the Field is our recap of two events which have nothing to do with what happened on the field. Otherwise the segment would be called Shit That Happened on the Field.


Pitcher Delusional, Still Under Contract

Mets "pitcher" Oliver Perez said he wants to return to New York in 2011. Perez told ESPNNewYork.com "I want to be back here. I want to have a championship because I know the fans want it and I want it, too."

I didn't know the Mets and Perez were in contention for the 2011 Alpharetta (GA) Co-Ed D-League slow-pitch softball championship. Good for them.

Anyway, Perez hasn't pitched in two weeks, having maintained a permanent residence on the DNP-manager's decision list. Basically, he's the Adam Morrison of Major League Baseball. While pitching in 2010, Perez put together an eery impersonation of Dave LaPoint (43 IP, 37 BB, 2.02 WHIP, 6.70 ERA), but the Mets have very little leeway with Perez since he's set to make $12 million next season as part of a three-year, $36 million contract an armadillo dressed as GM Omar Minaya gave him two seasons ago.


Four People Set to Interview for Cubs Managerial Job; Cubs Expected to Remain Horrible

Chicago, currently under the tootelage of Jim Riggleman 2.0, Mike Quade, interviewed Eric Wedge today and is planning on interviewing current coach Ryne Sandberg, former Marlins' manager Fredi Gonzalez and former terrible infielder Pat Listach. Sandberg, who shouldn't be a Hall of Famer, but is anyway, seems to be the sentimental choice because Cubs fans want one of their own even though most of their own have been painfully dissapointing for the past 100 years.

The Offbase pick for the next Chicago manager: Stump Merrill.

Offbase Off the Field

Offbase Off the Field is our recap of two events which have nothing to do with what happened on the field.


Crazy Person Disqualified from Major League Baseball

We'll start tonight with the plight of Francisco Rodriguez, who beat up his father-in-law, tore a ligament in his thumb and went on the disabled list and recently was told his 2010 contract went from guaranteed to we're not paying you any money jerk, go away. K-Rod, which is a stupid nickname for a guy that throws 87 MP.H., will not be paid and not accrue any service time while on the disqualified list. It's kind of like my first job as a cashier at Wendy's: I worked two shifts, tore the skin off two of my fingers while drag bunting (I was safe at first, middle finger skin on left hand was out on a close play at home), quit my job and didn't receive any pay after that or accrue any fast food industry service time while I was unemployed.

Lee Escapes Chicago

The Chicago Cubs did Derrek Lee a huge favor Wednesday, trading the first baseman to Atlanta for three minor league pitchers, all of whom have in their contract that they have a guaranteed seven blown saves if they make Chicago's major league roster. The Braves also received "an undisclosed sum of cash" (Offbase inside source: $11). Lee will join Atlanta just in time to stay right where he is as the Braves head to Wrigley Field for a weekend set. To welcome Lee back to Chicago, Andrew Cashner has promised to give up a three-run home run.