You Stay Fat, America

Occasionally, I'm going to rant about some nonsense and try to tie it into baseball. I can't promise it will always work. But let's see what happens.

America, you're fat. Sorry to break it to you. Just because you call them "sliders", doesn't mean you should swallow 15 little burgers in one sitting. Well, marketers have definitely taken notice of your glutenous ways. Minor league baseball is popular for two reasons; drinking promotions and crazy food inventions. You want a hamburger between two Krispy Kremes? No problem. Those Oreos and Twinkies aren't hitting the spot? Let's deep fry 'em.

Last year's minor league heart-attack-inducing creation came from the West Michigan Whitecaps. I know, not Wisconsin? Here's a description of the Fifth Third Burger which I believe comes with a Sherpa to help climb it...

It's 5/3 lbs (1.66) of beef with lettuce, tomato, salsa, sour cream, chili and Fritos on an eight-inch sesame seed bun.

The team says it feeds one to four people and sells for $20, and if a person finishes the Fifth Third Burger in one sitting, the team will offer up a Fifth Third Burger T-shirt.

If you finish that in one sitting, they probably don't have a t-shirt in your size. Which I assume is circus tent. This is what it looks like so you can have a mental picture when you take your scooter to your minivan and head to Michigan.

The reason I brought this up is because Friendly's recently came up with a new gut-busting burger. That's right America, it's three sandwiches in one...

Yes, the latest assault on America's waistline comes in the form of Friendly's recently launched Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt. Move over, Double Down, there's a new "something with far more calories than bread as a bun" sandwich in town.

Grilled cheese sandwiches are not buns, they're sandwiches! Yeah, chew on that. If you'll excuse me, I need to send McDonald's an email pitching the McFatty™. It's a Big Mac topped with a 9 piece McNugget.

He's Coming... Dayan Viciedo Edition

I really need to decide on some criteria around here. But until I do you'll just be subject to the whims of which upcoming prospect I'd like to feature. Unfortunately, for some reason, I missed previewing Indians' catcher Carlos Santana and all he's done is hit .333/.467/.625 in his first 30 plate appearances. He was also Baseball America's number 10 prospect coming into this year. For that, I apologize. So, I'm going to make it up by previewing a guy who actually fell out of Baseball America's Top 100 prospect list in 2010. See, no criteria whatsoever*.

The 21-year-old Dayan Viciedo is scheduled to play third base for the White Sox today. Although it's doubtful he'll remain at third with his 5'11, 240 pound frame. That makes him 5-years younger and just 30 pounds lighter than Prince Fielder. I don't like Dayan's chances especially with McDonald's new Big Mac topped with a 9 piece McNugget (I plan on getting credit for the McFatty™). In 2008, the Cuban defected on a boat to Mexico and then crossed over to, wait for it, Miami. He signed a four-year, $10 million deal with the White Sox. He was BA's #61 prospect in 2009 but after an unimpressive rookie season at AA, he fell out of BA's Top 100 this year. In Triple A this year, he has 14 home runs and is hitting .290/.329/.525. He will join fellow countryman, short stop Alexei Ramirez in the Cubanest infield in the bigs. Look, I made it that whole post without making a rafting or pork sandwich joke! *blows vuvuzela*

*I think the eventual criteria for this feature will be prospects inside Baseball America's Top 50 for the season or if I'm bored or if it's someone I'm particularly excited about. Hmm, still sounds like there's no criteria.

UPDATE: Viciedo is not in the starting lineup for Saturday's White Sox game.