2013 Team Awards: Chicago Cubs

In order to review the 2013 season, the crackpot staff of Off Base is handing out awards to each Major League team. Please send us $19.95 for the shipping and handling of your team's Hello Kitty stickers awards. Here are the Most Valuable Player, Least Valuable Player, Cy Young, Cy Yuck, Rookie of the Year and Reliever of the Year for the Cubs. 

*Guidelines, prices and participation may vary by author*


MVP: Most valuable player for the Cubs? Well let's just take a look at the roster and......ahhhhh!!!! Run!! The Cubs roster is after us!!

Seriously, though, the Cubs' MVP was probably Anthony Rizzo. The great-great-grandson of Antonio Rizzo, great-grandson of Anthony Rizzo, grandson of Anthony Rizzo and son of Anthony "Tony" Rizzo hit 23 home runs and had a team-high 2.3 WAR.

Chicago's second-best player was.....Nate Schierholtz (.470 slugging, 21 HR)?

THE 2013 CHICAGO CUBS
"Our second-best player
was Nate Schierholtz."

LVPs: Starlin Castro & Darwin Barney

If you lead your league in at bats (666) and play shortstop, you should probably have better numbers than Castro's .245/.284/.347 and -0.6 WAR.

And Barney's 2013 season was somehow worse as he hit .208/.266/.303, which is like slapping Wayne Tolleson in the face and shoving him down to the ground while he's popping up a bunt in foul territory.

But despite the rough season, the Cubs' second baseman still led the National League in several categories:

* Most home runs by a Darwin (7)
* Best stolen base percentage by a Darwin (67%)
* Best ERA by a Darwin since Darwin Cubillan's 5.40 ERA in 2004 (0.00)
* Easiest name to turn into Barwin Darney

Cy Young: Travis Wood

The southpaw was one of the few bright spots on a team that lost 96 games, compiling a 3.11 ERA in exactly 200 innings pitched.

Cy Yuck: Edwin Jackson

The Dodgers' Edinson Volquez exists, so we can't call Jackson the NL's worst starting pitcher. Volquez had the worst ERA (5.71) and WHIP (1.59) of full-time starters, while Jackson was second-worst in both categories (4.98, 1.46). Jackson led the league in losses with 18, so Volquez was denied in his bid for the Leaf Crown.

ROY: Blake Parker

Reliever of the year: Pedro Strop

The Cubs had a handful of good relievers, including Strop, who came over from the Orioles in a July trade and pitched to a 2.83 ERA and 0.94 WHIP in Chicago, and Parker, who had a 2.72 ERA and nearly 11 strikeouts per nine innings in his first full season.

After his excellent rookie season, Parker was rewarded by the team, who told the 28-year old that his face would be the new Cubs' logo starting in 2014.

Curveballs for Jobu

Curveballs for Jobu is Off Base Percentage's daily trip around the ballparks.

Today's honorary bat boy: Ricky Jordan




Orioles 7, Nationals 6. I knew this series was going to be special. Baltimore trailed 6-0 after four, but came all the way back to beat its arch rival in a game seen in more than 100 countries. Washington made four errors, the last of which forced home the winning run in the bottom of the ninth. Soon-to-be-fired Nats manager Jim Riggleman: "It's not football. I can't put a defensive team and an offensive team out there. It's the major leagues and we have to play major league defense." If anyone can put both an offensive and defensive team on the field at different times, it's Riggleman.

Reds 10, Indians 3. Everyone's talking about Edwin Jackson's no-hitter, but did you see Cleveland pitchers Aaron Laffey and Joe Smith combined to throw a 10-hitter? No? Well, did you see Teen Wolf Too? Outstanding film.



Athletics 14, Pirates 4. I'm completely out of Pittsburgh Pirates' jokes. Oakland starter Ben Sheets, who struck out nine in six innings and got the win, said Coco Crisp (3-for-5 in his third game back from the disabled list) gives the A's a "true leadoff hitter". I'm sorry, sir, that's incorrect. Crisp, career .331 on-base percentage and an average of 28 walks per season, gives you a person to bat in the leadoff spot. He gives you a true second ninth hitter.

Rockies 4, Angels 3 (11). Anaheim spoiled a great outing by Jered Weaver-7 IP, 2 ER, 11 K-and Colorado won on Robb Quinlan Bobblehead Night.

Astros 7, Rangers 4. How to stop your opponent's 11-game winning streak: you hand Brian Moehler the ball, sit back and watch the magic unfold. Moehler allowed two earned runs in five innings as Houston finally avenged its June 25, 2008 loss to Texas.

Shot Of The Night

Shot Of The Night is Off Base Percentage's toast to a player who had an exceptionally good or bad night. There's always a reason to drink.

Tonight's shot of the night is a Walk in the Park: 1/3 Drambuie Scotch Whiskey, 1/3 Benedictine Herbal Liqueur, 1/3 Green Chartreuse. And it's in honor of Edwin Jackson.

Edwin Jackson had a career day at the park. He tossed a no-hitter and threw a career high 149 pitches. He's probably going to need the booze because his arm might fall off in the next couple of days. He managed to walk 8 batters in his no-hitter, good for third most in no-no history. Get it? Walk in the Park? I'm here all week kids, try the Teriyaki wings.

Honorable Mention: Jimmy Rollins
J-Roll fresh off of another one of his seemingly endless DL stints went 0-1 with 4 walks. Four walks in one game. Yuniesky Betancourt disapproves.

Come on Yuni, bring your .292 OBP and let's go drink. I'll drive since we all know you aren't walking. *rim shot*

Edwin Jackson Throws A No-Hitter On A Few Pitches

I thought the big story a story tonight at Tropicana Field was the Upton Brothers playing against each other for the first time. See? There ended up being a slightly bigger story at The Trop. Edwin Jackson threw the Diamondbacks' second ever no-hitter against his former team. It wasn't pretty but it goes into the record books nonetheless. I usually get pretty excited to cover great moments in poor hitting but I'm not sure that's what happened. Let's take a look at some weird stats from this year's latest no-no.

149 Pitches Obviously, this is the one everyone will be talking about and will serve as a recurring theme in this post. That's a lot of pitches. Excuse me while I pat myself on the back for that nugget of analysis. It's the most pitches thrown in a game since Livan Hernandez in 2005. Now I could sit around here and make Dusty Baker jokes till 3 a.m. but Keith Law already won the night.



8 Walks/6 Strikeouts That is one way to drive up your pitch count, shoot for double digit walks. Of his 149 pitches, Edwin threw 79 for strikes. For context, Strasburg throws 79 strikes in 75 pitches.[citation needed] The 8 walks in a no-hitter is third all-time. Jim Maloney tossed 10 no-hit innings while walking 10 in 1965. B-R doesn't have pitch count data so I'll assume Maloney threw 231 pitches on that beautiful day in August. A.J. Burnett threw a no-hitter in 2001 and walked 9 batters. He threw 129 pitches, 65 for strikes. Perhaps the Edwin-A.J. comp is a good one.

3 Clean Innings Three! Edwin only retired the side in order on three out of nine occasions. I don't want to rain on the kid's parade but there is a good amount of luck going into this no-hitter considering how long he pitched from the stretch.

Edwin Jackson is still only 26-years-old but over his 8-year career he is a 4.71 ERA guy or 5% worse than the league average pitcher. But Edwin's no-hitter and 149 pitches will be the big story until Doug Fister no-hits the Brewers tomorrow without striking anybody out.

Upton Update

B.J.: 0-2 with a walk

Justin: 2-3 with a walk, smacked Edwin Jackson with shaving cream