Curveballs for Jobu

Curveballs for Jobu took a brief, 33-month vacation to figure out the meaning of Stan Paulsen's life (results: inconclusive).


Today's honorary bat boy is Wayne Twitchell.

Yankees 9, Tigers 4. Sometimes it's fun to go against a guy making his major league debut. Facing Casey Crosby, the Yankees loaded the bases in the second on three walks, then Derek Jeter (pronounced 'Dehrik Jeeedih' by all women in upstate New Jersey) drew another walk to tie the game at 1-1. Curtis Granderson, who MTD famously, and full of hot dogs, labeled "a platoon player" in a July 4, 2010 post:

I really like Curtis Granderson the person. He writes a blog and he seems like a genuinely nice guy. Curtis Granderson the player is nothing more than a platoon player. He can't hit lefties a lick.



ripped is 17th home run, a grand slam off the left-handed Crosby, and the Yankees pulled ahead for good.

Pirates 8, Brewers 2. With Friday's win, which spoiled Randy Ready Bobblehead Night in Milwaukee, the 26-25 Buccos are two games better than after 51 games in 2011, that magical season that saw them share first place as late as July 25, and not a second later. But enough of all of this Pittsburgh Pirates love. Let's make fun of Randy Wolf!

6 IP, 6 ER, 4 BB

Indians 7, Twins 1. Any time Carl Pavano fails at whatever he's doing in life: ordering from a $1 menu at a drive thru, trying to pluck nose hairs, pitching against the Indians, it's always an enjoyable experience for the Offbase staff. The Twins' right-hander allowed 6 ER in 3 2/3 innings, lost again (he's 2-5), and his ERA Tim Leary'd to 6.00.

Whitesox 7, Mariners 4. Chone Figgins Watch: DNP

Padres 7, Diamondbacks 1. Bevacquas win! Bevacquas win! Bevacquas win! Bevacquas win! Bevacquas win!

Royals 2, Athletics 0.

- Announced attendance at Kauffman Stadium: 29,527
- Estimated attendance if game was played in Oakland and announced by anyone: 14
- Estimated actual attendance at Kauffman Stadium: 11,400


Other scores, but down here....

Braves-Nationals, PPD (Otis Nixon)
Angels 4, Rangers 2
Giants 4, Cubs 3
Redsox 7, Bluejays 2
Phillies 6, Marlins 4
Reds 4, Astros 1
Mets 8, Cardinals 0
Devilrays 5, Orioles 0

Curveballs for Jobu 8/22/11

Curveballs for Jobu is the trip around the ballparks Offbasepercentage keeps forgetting to take.

Today's honorary bat boy is Fred Manrique.


[Manrique autographed 1989 Fleer card. Estimated value: 6 pumpkin seed shells]


Yankees 3, Twins 0. Alex Rodriguez returned to the New York lineup, but the story was Ivan Nova. The rookie right-hander followed A.J. Burnett's C.P.V. (chicken parmesan vomit) start Saturday with a sterling, seven innings of five-hit ball. Nova was helped by Curtis Granderson, who hit his third career inside-the-park home run, and Mark Teixiera who followed with solo shot. The Yankees took three of four from Minnesota and stayed a half game up on Boston in the East. Fantasy update: Drew Butera 0-for-3.

Cardinals 6, Cubs 2. Chicago lost, but it's their own fault for employing Rodrigo Lopez, who allowed four home runs in 5 1/3 smelly innings. Daniel Descalso: 1-for-4.

Nationals 5, Phillies 4. The Nats did it again to Philly, rallying for a win in their last at bat for the second time in three days. Washington tied the game in the ninth on Ian Desmond's two-out, two-strike home run, and won it in the tenth when Jonny Gomes, who was a member of a dream team no one was notified about,



was hit with a pitch with the bases loaded. This loss severely damages the Phillies chances of three-peating in 2013.

Angels 7, Orioles 1. Sad news from Anaheim as it was learned after the game that this loss mathematically eliminated Baltimore from the following races: the race to cure athlete's foot, the 2012 race for the democratic nomination and the 2012 American League East pennant race.

Rockies 5, Dodgers 3. Who had Kevin Millwood is alive in the Is Kevin Millwood Alive poll? Millwood pitched seven innings of three-run ball and won for the first time since September 29. You know who else won that day? Bobby Cassevah.

Tigers 8, Indians 7. After allowing no earned runs in eight strong innings against Detroit August 10, Ubaldo Jiminez was simply Lapointian Sunday. The righty gave up 8 earned in 3 1/3 innings as the Tigers completed the sweep and moved 3 1/2 up in the Central.

Devilrays 8, Mariners 7. Johnny Damon's walk-off home run won it for Tampa, but more importantly, Wily Mo Pena and Casper Wells each hit home runs for Seattle. That's the first time in baseball history a Wily Mo and a Casper have homered in the same game, according to my neighbor, Elias.

Padres 4, Marlins 3. San Diego won on a walk-off hit the same day they retired Trevor Hoffman's jersey number. Unfortunately, the Padres did all that while wearing these uniforms:



Braves 1, Diamondbacks 0. Collin Cowgill: 0-for-3.




Other games, but down here....

Reds 5, Pirates 4
Redsox 6, Royals 1
Whitesox 10, Rangers 0
Bluejays 1, Athletics 0
Giants 6, Astros 4 (11)
Brewers 6, Mets 2

Curtis Granderson's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, cycles and no-hitters are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Well, well. Happy Fourth of July to me. Curtis Granderson went 0-5 with 4 strikeouts. But it kind of feels weird handing out a giant golden Mexican hat on our Independence Day. I tried to think of a way to Americanize the Sombrero for the Fourth of July but Golden Hat That Holds Two Cans Of Beer seemed a little long.

I really like Curtis Granderson the person. He writes a blog and he seems like a genuinely nice guy. Curtis Granderson the player is nothing more than a platoon player. He can't hit lefties a lick. Let's see if that mattered today.

Bottom 2nd: Granderson struck out swinging against the northpaw Brandon Morrow. My friend Jenny asked me why they call lefties "southpaws" and I said because it sounds cooler (I know the real answer, dont email me). She then coined the phrase "northpaw" for right handers which I am now stealing and trademarking. Northpaw™ See? It's mine now. I plan on making tens of dollars off of that somehow.

Bottom 6th: Granderson struck out swinging against northpaw™ Morrow again. Catchy isn't it?

Bottom 8th: Granderson struck out swinging against southpaw Scott Downs. 3 pitches. Dude can't hit lefties.

Bottom 10th: Granderson struck out swinging against southpaw David Purcey.

Recap: Granderson struck out swinging twice against lefties and twice against righties, proving nothing. Except that maybe he's just not a very good hitter. Or he just had a bad day. What do I know? I'm drunk off of hot dogs and liquor.