Monday, July 16, 2012


Scene: Monday night at Yankee Stadium, Raul Ibanez has just given the Yankees a 6-2 lead over Toronto with a go-ahead grand slam in the eighth.

Paul O'Neill of the YES Network, you're up:

"That's kind of a game-changer right there."

** UPDATE **

O'Neill had quite a series. Here he is after Mark Teixeira's first-inning home run in Wednesday's finale against the Bluejays:

"I tell you what, I've never seen a series where mistakes...are home runs."

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Your 2012 All Star Payrolls

All Star teams would be expensive, you know, if the leagues actually had to pay them. Thanks to my intern, who I pay in gas station peanut packs, and his spreadsheet skills, I have the financial details for each squad set to participate in Tuesday's exhibition (but not really) game.

There were surprisingly few substitutions this year. Even Derek Jeter is going to play instead of globetrotting with beautiful actresses of whatever he does. So, it is more of an All Star Game instead of having everybody in baseball getting an invite. You can check out last year's payroll here and 2010's here...

American League All Stars National League All Stars
Starters: Starters:
C Mike Napoli, TEX - $9,400,000 C Buster Posey, SF - $615,000
1B Prince Fielder, DET - $23,000,000 1B Joey Votto, CIN - $9,500,000
2B Robinson Cano, NYY - $14,000,000 2B Dan Uggla, ATL - $13,000,000
3B Adrian Beltre, TEX - $15,000,000 3B Pablo Sandoval, SF - $3,200,000
SS Derek Jeter, NYY - $16,000,000 SS Rafael Furcal, STL - $6,000,000
OF Curtis Granderson, NYY - $10,000,000 OF Ryan Braun, MIL - $6,000,000
OF Josh Hamilton, TEX - $13,750,00 OF Melky Cabrera, SF $6,000,000
OF Jose Bautista, TOR - $14,000,000 OF Carlos Beltran, STL - $13,000,000
DH David Ortiz, BOS - $14,575,000 DH Carlos Gonzalez, COL - $5,000,000
Pitchers: Pitchers:
Jake Peavy, CWS - $17,000,000 Clayton Kershaw, LAD - $7,500,000
Chris Perez, CLE - $4,500,000 Cole Hamels, PHI - $15,000,000
Chris Sale, CWS - $500,000 Craig Kimbrel, ATL - $590,000
David Price, TB - $4,350,000 Gio Gonzalez, WAS - $3,250,000
Felix Hernandez, SEA - $18,500,000 Huston Street, SD - $7,500,000
Fernando Rodney, SEA - $1,750,000 Joel Hanrahan, PIT - $4,100,000
Jered Weaver, LAA - $14,000,000 Jonathan Papelbon, PHI - $11,000,000
Jim Johnson, BAL - $2,625,000 Lance Lynn, STL - $482,000
Joe Nathan, TEX - $7,000,000 Matt Cain, SF - $15,000,000
Justin Verlander, DET - $20,000,000 R.A. Dickey, NYM - $4,200,000
Matt Harrison, TEX - $2,950,000 Stephen Strasburg, WAS - $3,000,000
Ryan Cook, OAK - $480,000 Wade Miley, ARI - $481,000
Yu Darvish, TEX - $5,500,000 Aroldis Chapman, CIN - $2,000,000
Reserves: Reserves:
C Matt Wieters, BAL - $500,000 C Carlos Ruiz, PHI - $3,700,000
C Joe Mauer, MIN - $23,000,000 1B Bryan Lahair, CHI - $482,500
1B Paul Konerko, CWS - $12,000,000 2B Jose Altuve, HOU - $483,000
2B Ian Kinsler, TEX - $7,000,000 3B Chipper Jones, ATL - $13,000,000
3B Miguel Cabrera, DET - $21,000,000 3B David Wright, NYM - $15,000,000
SS Asdrubal Cabrera, CLE - $4,550,000 3B David Freese, STL - $508,000
SS Elvis Andrus, TEX - $2,375,000 SS Starlin Castro, CHI - $567,000
OF Adam Jones, BAL - $6,150,000 OF Michael Bourn, ATL - $6,845,000
OF MIKE TROUT, LAA - $414,000 OF Jay Bruce, CIN - $5,000,000
OF Mark Trumbo, LAA - $500,000 OF Andrew McCutchen, PIT - $500,000
DH Adam Dunn, CWS - $14,000,000 OF Matt Holliday, STL - $17,000,000
DH Billy Butler, KC - $8,000,000 OF Bryce Harper, WAS - $500,000

And here's the breakdown. Good grief, American League. That's without Albert Pujols and Vernon Wells too. By the way, I hope Vernon Wells is donating a metric crapton of cash to charity every year. For the tax break.

AL Total NL Total
$382,369,000 $200,053,500
AL Average NL Average
$10,110,649 $6,055,748
AL Starters NL Starters
$129,725,000 $62,315,000
AL Starters AVG NL Starters AVG
$14,413,889 $7,164,375
AL Pitchers NL Pitchers
$99,155,000 $74,153,000
AL Pitchers AVG NL Pitchers AVG
$7,627,308 $5,704,077
AL Reserves NL Reserves
$99,489,000 $63,585,500
AL Reserves AVG NL Reserves AVG
$8,290,750 $5,298,792

If the AL could have just squeezed a few more Yankees and Rangers into the starting lineup, that could be a billion dollar nine. Both leagues get a break however. The AL MVP, Mike Trout, isn't even making half a million. I don't know how a 20-year-old even lives in California without a million dollars. I'm basing that on The O.C. episodes I've seen. Harper, of course, got a nice signing bonus but he's going to sign a freakish contract one day with Scott Boras repping him.

The Pirates' $51,932,333 payroll is roughly $10 million less than the NL's starting hitters. Or one Curtis Granderson is baseball speak.

What do I learn from this every year? Baseball players need to send money to my paypal account. I am woefully underpaid with the threes of dollars I make off of this site every month.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy 4th America And Vinny Castilla

[They ate 147 snausages in 7 minutes]

Joey Chestnut ate 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes to win another championship in an American classic. That's just the perfect way to celebrate the United States Independence Day. Over-zealous eating. Frankly, I'm surprised those competitive eaters aren't dunking their hot dog buns in bacon fat yet. But it's kinda, sorta 'Merica's brithday so we should breakout some Carvel Ice Cream cake and sprinkle it with hamburgers and beer. I'm worried about your health.

But before you blow your eyebrows off with a Roman Candle, let's celebrate some of baseball's Fourth of July birthdays...

Sergio Santos, 1983, Los Angeles, CA.
What seemed like a steal for the Blue Jays in a trade with the White Sox, Santos injured that thing used for throwing a ball and has missed much of the season.

I gave him
Another set back, I'm terrible at gift giving and wrapping. Lots of papercuts.

Amauri Sanit, 1979, La Habana, Cuba.
He pitched 7 innings for the Yankees in 2011 and gave up 10 earned runs on 12 hits and 3 walks.

I gave him
A new birth certificate that named him Ami Sant and made him 22-years-old. If that doesn't work out, free raft ride to the destination of his choosing.

Brendan Donnelly, 1971, Washington, DC.
Part of the unhitable Angels bullpen that won the World Series in 2002.

I gave him
My authentic J.T. Snow California Angels jersey to try to get it signed and sent back to me.

Vinny Castilla, 1967, Oaxaca, Mexico
He hit 191 home runs and .302/.348/.545 playing for Colorado between 1995 and 1999.

I gave him
A reverse humidor for all of those away games.

José Oquendo, 1963, Rio Piedras, PR.
The comedy twins/duo/sportsfans, Sklar brothers, lobbied for Oquendo's induction into the Hall of Fame. It's not going well.

I gave him
A Cooperstown t-shirt. Not a Hall of Fame t-shirt, just a Cooperstown t-shirt. It's not his size, either. Lots of disappointment.

Dan Larson, 1954, Los Angeles, CA.
Not the guy who threw a perfect game in the 1956 World Series. Which would have been extremely impressive for a two-year-old.

I gave him
The name Don Larsen.

There are plenty more including names like: Dot Fulghum, Stump Edington, Milt Reed, Duke Kenworthy, Pinky Swander and Chief Roseman.

So happy Fourth, everybody, and enjoy that cheeseburger stuffed porterhouse. I'm sure Obamacare will cover that heart attack.