John Axford Seems Cool

I'm pretty sure I should be friends with John Axford. Is he on Facebook? Twitter? What's not to like about the guy? Okay, he's Canadian but I can let that slide. This time. The "Ax Man" is a sweet nickname even if it's obvious, he has impressive facial hair and his middle name is Berton. Axford also played high school badminton (I was a prodigy) and used to be a bartender (I like to drink)...

"It was much better than the cellphone job," said Axford. "There, I didn't talk to anybody but customers and try and sell phones. But when people come in to your restaurant, they're already hungry, they're going to want to eat, they're going to want a drink. You don't really have to sell things too much unless you're trying to push a dessert on them or something or an extra beer."

It's a good thing throwing a 97 MPH fastball worked out for him because he sounds like a terrible server. Gotta sell that cheesecake, Ax Man.

Axford struggled in the Yankees minor leagues in 2007 and again with the Brewers as a starter at High-A in 2008. But in 2009, as a reliever, he pitched his way to Milwaukee and earned his first save. Last year, Axford threw a 2.48/2.13/2.79 (ERA/FIP/xFIP) pitching line and recorded 24 saves for the Brewers. He hasn't been as good this season with a 2.10/2.51/2.86 line and his strikeout rate is down (11.79 K/9 to 10.62) and his home run to fly ball rate nearly tripled (2.4% to 6.6%). But he has 42 saves so I guess that makes him an elite closer. I kid about the saves but he is the best option for the Brewers and a damn good reliever despite what Francisco Rodriguez has to say.

It's not that K-Rod is having a bad season, 2.86/2.91/3.20, but his recent outburst about not closing and history of questionable makeup might cost him money next season. I'll always be grateful for his masterful performance for the Angels during the championship run in 2002 but I bet he's a terrible badminton player. Choose your partner K-Rod. The Ax Man and I will crush you. Loser pays the bar tab.

Extra super bonus points to Axford for rocking this stache...

Ryan Braun: One Cool Jew

If you enjoyed the last homoerotic baseball friends video I stole from Youtube (featuring Chase Utley and Ryan Howard), you're gonna love this one. In the new cartoon, Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder talk sh*t about being fat and Jewish. Then some stuff about Saturn. I can't decide if this guy is a genius or just gets 12 minutes of Internet time per day at the asylum.



It's a thin line, folks.

But "liar, liar, Michael Cuddyer" should totally be a saying.

Yuni Betancourt And Pitcher Traded To Brewers

I'm still trying to process the move that Kansas City made late last night. I mean, surely this is the year Yuniesky Betancourt breaks the 25 walks barrier. But the Royals decided to build a package around him and sent him to Milwaukee for fellow short stop Alcides Escobar and three Brewers' prospects. Congratulations are in order to blogger Jim Breen of Bernie's Crew for breaking the story yesterday. I broke a news story once and, damn, it felt good. But enough about me, let's get to the trade.

What in means for the Royals
The Royals upgrade their short stop position by trading for an actual short stop. Escobar is great in the field but is still a work in progress at the dish. As brain cramping as it is to imagine, Escobar couldn't even out on base percentage Yuni last season tying him with a walk refusing .288 OBP. Escobar just turned 24 so Royals fans can be at least a little optimistic about some room for growth and can take comfort in the fact they'll no longer be running out a traffic cone in the field.

The Royals also get the Brewers number one prospect in RHP Jake Odorizzi. Odorizzi was the Brewers top prospect for roughly a week after Milwaukee sent Brett Lawrie to Toronto. Toolsy center fielder Lorenzo Cain is the only other confirmed prospect in the package. Early reports had RHP Jeremy Jeffress in the deal but he's now apparently been replaced with the famous PTBNL. That could potentially be good news for the Royals since Jeffress projects as a reliever and already has a 100 game suspension under his belt.

What it means for the Brewers
The Brewers continue to gut their farm system in an effort to go all in for Prince Fielder's last season in Milwaukee before he packs up all the cheese he can and files for free agency. The Brewers are getting $2 million which is what it would cost to buy out Yuni's contract just in case they find an elderly lady in the stands with better range at short stop.

The Brewers will also acquire Zack Greinke pending a physical. Grink? Am I saying it right?

Yovani Gallardo's Bad Day

The Brewers' 24-year-old ace had a worse day than you yesterday even if you mistook the liquid paper as creamer and spent the afternoon in the bathroom. Yovani Gallardo is actually having his best season in his young career with a 3.50 ERA, a .299 FIP and 9.97 K/9. He also inked a 5-year, $30 million extension earlier this year. Everything was coming up Yovani until yesterday.

Gallardo spent 6.1 innings getting lit up by the Dodgers to the tune of 6 runs on 8 hits. He did manage to strikeout 10 and only walk 2 but the ERA damage was done. This would also be the high point of his day. Gallardo and a clubhouse attendant were robbed at gunpoint hours after the game in a grocery store parking lot. That Milwaukee is just incorrigible with all of its armed robbery and gang violence. Luckily nobody was seriously injured so I don't feel bad about making light of the situation. And isn't that all that matters, that I don't feel bad?

The armed man, still on the lamb, approached Gallardo and the attendant in the parking lot and demanded cash and jewelry. The attendant, Alex Snachez, was hit in the head but didn't suffer a serious injury. I couldn't find any details on the amount of cash or jewelry that was stolen. Early wild and careless speculation indicates a watch with a diamond encrusted face the size of a baby's head and a gold rope chain with a Mercedes ornament hanging from it were among the items lost.

This never would have happened if they weren't a on midnight run to pick up 4 dozen vegetarian Hot Pockets for Prince Fielder.

Brewers To Build A Giant Bud Selig Statue

Allan Huber "Bud" Selig will be honored by the team he formerly owned on August 24th when the Brewers will unveil a Bud Selig statue...

Selig's likeness will join those of Hank Aaron and Robin Yount in front of Miller Park. Selig's foundation donated the first two statues at the stadium.

Selig's statue will be cast in bronze and measure more than seven feet tall.

Over 7 feet tall, huh? That's nearly 3 times the size of the actual Bud Selig. Selig did bring baseball back to Milwaukee after the Braves split for the greener pastures of Atlanta. Selig bought the financially dead-in-the-water Seattle Pilots in 1970, moved them to Milwaukee and renamed them the Brewers. Selig owned and operated the Brewers until he became Commissioner in 1992. He transferred ownership to his daughter to remove any conflict of interest. *wink, wink* The team would eventually be sold to Mark Attanasio.

Aside from a little ownership collusion in the mid 80's, Selig might be worthy of a statue for bringing baseball back to Milwaukee. I certainly wouldn't let him hang out with the statues of Hank Aaron and Robin Yount but I don't consume 4 pounds of sausage and a gallon of beer on a Tuesday afternoon either. Usually.

His seemingly endless tenure as the Commish is a different story altogether. Selig gave us the Wild Card which I personally enjoy and made a ton of cash for the owners. But he also cost us the 1994 World Series, made the All Star Game decide World Series home field advantage because of one tied ASG and turned a blind eye of steroids for far too long. But hey, anybody could have a tough 18-year stretch. They just don't usually get paid $10+ million a year for it.

Jeff Suppan Getting Paid To Stay Home

The Brewers have decided to part ways with Jeff Suppan. By part ways, I mean by paying him $10.08 million to sit on his couch or send out applications to other franchises to, um, throw batting practice. Suppan spent three years under the tutelage of Dave Duncan in St. Louis where he posted a 44-26 record and averaged a 3.95 ERA and a 110 ERA +. Those were easily his three best seasons.

His reward. Brewers GM Doug Melvin gave Suppan a 4-year, $42 million dollar contract in 2006 because why not give a league average (at best) pitcher $10 mil a year. In 2007, Suppan posted a 4.62 ERA and a 96 ERA+. Those would be the best numbers the Brewers would see. The ERA climbed every year as the ERA+ fell until this season when he has been relegated to mop up duty. Apparently, his 7.84 ERA and 51 ERA+ weren't cutting it any longer and he was granted his released. But Dougie had nothing but kind words...

"Jeff has always been a true professional. He gave his best effort to the organization, whether it was on the field or in the community. I am confident that he can return to a starting rotation with another organization. We wish Jeff and his family nothing but the best."

Hold up. He's confident Jeff will find a starting gig for another team? So he's going to pay him $10 million to do so? That's one weird business model.

Fun Suppan Fact Number One. Suppan's nickname is Soup. He owns a restaurant in California called Soup's Grill. They neither specialize in soup nor employ the Soup Nazi. Leaving me uninterested in visiting.

Fun Suppan Fact Number Two. This little nugget comes from one of my favorite things ever, Twitter.



How do I get in touch with Scott Leventhal? I've been sitting on my couch for free for way too many years now.