Editor's Meeting

MTD lives in New Orleans and Derwood built a cabin out of sticks and mud in Conyers, Georgia, so occasionally they have to communicate through text message. Here's the latest back-and-forth entitled "All the Joses of our Lives".


MTD (3:34 p.m. EST): So, Jose Bautista. Man, Superman, or a figment of my imagination? I have Joey Bats as the fourth-greatest hitter of all time. But I'm delusional.

Derwood Morris (3:38): Fourth of all time is Darrin Erstad. Hmmm....Bautista? Not sure. He's like me but with talent and another foot of height. But I have a salami sandwich.

MTD (3:44): Yeah, aside from the talent and the sandwich, you guys are nearly identical. But he's having a Bondsian season; better than last year. He makes Corey Patterson a better hitter.

DM (3:48): He makes Corey Patterson a better hitter. OK, just had to type it out once myself. In a recent game against the Yankees, the Nos. 4 and 5 hitters behind Bautista in the Toronto lineup were Juan Rivera and Jose Molina. Funny thing was, that's the same two guys who were on registers 4 and 5 at the Ingles by my apartment last winter.

MTD (3:56): I knew that was Juan Rivera working register 5. He consistently missed the scanner.

DM (4:01): And then he slipped and fell trying to pick up an orange he had dropped. But enough about how much we dislike Juan Rivera/Ingles. Jose and Ozzie both injured in the first doubleheader of the season for Yuma. Thoughts?

MTD (4:04): First thought: how did it take this long to talk about it. Secondly, why can't I pay to get Yuma games on TV? Ozzie got thrown out of their third game for yelling at an ump Jose was yelling at. I love them.

DM (4:09): To paraphrase Kids in the Hall character Jerry Sizzler: but I love them. I mean, Ozzie got thrown out for Jose's arguing? These guys can't do anything right.

MTD (4:14): Or do they do everything right? Jose, via Twitter, said he was with a bunch of players on some street and invited girls to come party. That's a good manager.

DM (4:18): He was on some street and invited girls to come party. Translation: they were wandering around in the Yuma suburbs and they found a mother/daughter who recognized Jose as "the guy from the energy bar commercial on the public access channel", they all went to a Golden Corral and ate a lot of macaroni and cheese, then went back to the hotel and Jose and Ozzie butchered an Abbot and Costello routine while the ladies did each other's hair.

Curveballs for Jobu 5/24/11

Curveballs for Jobu is Offbasepercentage's daily trip around the ballparks.

Today's honorary bat boy is Stan Hoyer.

Cardinals 3, Padres 1.
Albert Pujols hit a home run ending his gajillion at bat drought without one. Okay, maybe it was just 106 at bats but it was the longest of his career and an excruciating stretch for his fantasy owners. Pujols has just 8 homers this season and an underwhelming .268/.340/.421 line in his walk year. If Pujols puts up the worst season of his career, we're going to witness some very interesting contract negotiations in the offseason.

Brewers 11, Nationals 3.
Corey Hart erupted for 3 home runs giving him 3 on the season. Tom Gorzelanny did his best impression of a batting cage pitching machine giving up 2 of Hart's homers and another one by Prince Fielder.

Phillies 10, Reds 3.
Chase Utley made his much anticipated (by me) return to the Phillies. He went 0-5 but I'm sure he'll hit like 8 home runs tonight. Placido Polanco, Jimmy Rollins and Raul Ibanez hit home runs to celebrate Utley's return. I celebrated with Sailor Jerry rum and Camel menthols because I'm the paragon of health.

Rangers 4, White Sox 0.
The Rangers welcomed back 2/3 of their opening day outfield and Josh Hamilton and Nelson Cruz wasted no time getting back into the groove, each hitting a home run. Alexi Ogando continued his improbable hot start throwing a complete game shutout lowering his ERA to 1.81. By all accounts (metrics), he's actually much closer to his 3.68 FIP or 3.75 xFIP. Still pretty good though. The White Sox started Dallas McPhearson at third base and that always makes me laugh. He went 0-3 and has a .182/.182/.182 line. Adorable.

Blue Jays 7, Yankees 3.
It was just another regular day at the office for Jose Bautista. Joey Bats went 1-3 with his 19th homer and 2 more walks. Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada combined to go 0-9 but Posada at least played near perfect defense at DH.

Indians 3, Red Sox 2.
Okay, I give up. The Indians are the best team in baseball and Asdrubal Cabrera is an MVP candidate. This is all happening with Grady Sizemore and Travis Hafner on the disabled list and Shin-Soo Choo and Carlos Santana not hitting. It's just weird and I'm pretty sure Charlie Sheen has something to do with it.

Other games, but down here...
Angels 4, A's 1.
Tigers 6, Rays 3.
Mariners 8, Twins 7 (10).
Astros 4, Dodgers 3.

Curveballs for Jobu 5/16/11

Curveballs for Jobu is Offbasepercentage's daily trip around the ballparks.

Today's honorary bat boy is Randy Knorr.

Blue Jays 11, Twins 3.
American League pitchers continued to throw batting practice to Jose Bautista as he hit three (3!) more home runs to give him 16 on the season. If my math is right, he should break Bonds' record by the All Star break. He also now sports a .368/.520/.868 line that makes me giddy like a schoolgirl. Other players did stuff in this game but, let's face it, it didn't matter.

White Sox 4, A's 3.
The Sox handed Trevor Cahill his first loss of the season knocking him around for 4 runs (2 earned) on 10 hits and a pair of walks. Juan Pierre and his .314 OBP continue to lead of because Ozzie is old school like that. On the other side, the A's just keep running out Daric Barton and a bunch of Quadruple A players. Just a really bad offense.

Red Sox 7, Yankees 5.
The Red Sox swept the Yankees to get back to .500 and just 3 games back of East leading Tampa. Curtis Granderson hit a home run off of Jon Lester for 13 on the season, 6against lefties. If that wasn't enough of a sign of the Apocalypse, Jarrod Saltalamacchia hit a homer. Make sure to tell your family you love them.

Reds 9, Cardinals 7.
The Reds swept their division foes by beating up on Chris Carpenter. Ramon Hernandez continued his hot streak with another home run. Aroldis Chapman continued his "I'm broken" streak walking 4 in a third of an inning. GPS couldn't help him find the strike zone right now.

Braves 3, Phillies 2.
Dan Uggla hit the go ahead homer in the 8th inning to ruin Roy Halladay's day. Halladay was a mess anyway tossing all 8 innings but allowing 8 hits, 3 runs and 2 walks while only striking out 7. He should be ashamed of himself.

Brewers 9, Pirates 6.
Ryan Braun (2-3, 2 BB, HR) bailed out Zack Grienke (5 IP, 6 H, 5 ER). I'm almost 83% sure that the Pirates Andrew and Daniel McCutchen are not related.

Other games, but down here...
Rangers 5, Angels 4.
Mariners, Indians PPD. This is the M's new strategy for the season. Rain outs.
Tigers, Royals PPD.
Orioles 9, Rays 3.
Nationals 8, Marlins 4.
Mets 7, Astros 4.
Giants, Cubs PPD.
Padres 8, Rockies 2.
Diamondbacks 4, Dodgers 1.

At Least A Giant Letter B Didn't Fall On Me

I survived my birthday on Monday fairly unharmed. Sure I'm missing an eyebrow and had to shave my head but other than that and any possible liver damage, I came out of it relatively unscathed. It's not like I went to a baseball game and had a giant letter B fall on me...

A fan at the Toronto Blue Jays' game was OK on Monday after being struck in the right shoulder by a tumbling, metal "B" from a sign honoring Jackie Robinson.

The middle-aged man had a scrape after a foul ball by home run leader Jose Bautista of the Blue Jays dislodged one of the letters in a tribute honoring Robinson's retired No. 42.

Canadian craftsmanship at its finest. Jose Bautista's retooled swing is making some real noise this season. Bautista already leads the league in homers (43) but he's now dismantling The Rogers Center one letter at a time.

Anyway, now that the birthday festivities have run their course, I should be back posting about the home stretch and usual nonsense at my regular pace. Sorry for the interruption.

Curveballs for Jobu

Curveballs for Jobu is Off Base Percentage's daily trip around the ballparks.

Today's honorary bat boy: Tim Teufel

Yankees 9, Diamondbacks 3. Dan Haren had gone seven innings, allowing three runs and was at 109 pitches. Naturally, it was time for Arizona manager A.J. Hinch to go to his bullpen, or The Rudy Steins as I like to call them. The Yankees said "yes, we have no problem hitting against AA pitchers," and in the eighth, NY broke it open with six runs against Esmerling Vasquez (6.00 ERA, 1.50 WHIP) and Chad Qualls (8.88 ERA, 2.26 WHIP). Meanwhile, Andy Pettitte continues to amaze. The southpaw threw seven innings of two-run ball and Alex Rodriguez homered (first since June 3) and drove in three for the defending champions, who are a season-best 1 1/2 games up in the East.

Cardinals 9, Bluejays 4. Jose Bautista came in to the 2010 season with 59 career home runs, never hitting more than 16 in any of his four full seasons. After hitting two off Jaime Garcia, Bautista has a ML-high 20 home runs and his OPS+ of 146 is 48 points higher than his career mark. Oh, yes, something about the winning team. Matt Holliday, whose nickname on Baseball Reference is "Big Daddy", has had a fun four games, going 11-for-17 with five home runs. St. Louis stays a game up on Cincinnati in the Central because....

Reds 4, Athletics 2. This was just a case of playa-hatin'. In this particular incident, Oakland pitcher Dallas Braden didn't respect Bronson Arroyo (8 IP, 2 ER) or the 305, and the Reds kept Whitey winless since May 9. Coco Crisp sighting: two-run home run in the third for Oakland's only runs.

Mariners 2, Cubs 0. A lot of Mariners' trade talk centers around Cliff Lee, but is Jason Vargas available? Another dominant start-7 IP, 4 H, 7 K, 1 BB-for the lefty, who last year was demoted to the bullpen after a dreadful start against the Royals, if you can believe that. This season, he's been a perfect compliment for the ridiculous Lee. Imagine if the Mariners had an offense.