Ryan Langerhans' Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Due to the fact that the Mariners were contracted in my mind after their one-game playoff win against the Angels in 1995, I missed the actual first Golden Sombrero of the 2011 season. Please disregard half of my post about Shin-Soo Choo. And Shin, I'm going to need you to forward that Off Base t-shirt to Ryan Langerhans. Anyway, apologies all around. Let's go to the swinging and missing...

Top 4th: Langerhans struck out swinging against Trevor Cahill. I own Cahill in a fantasy league, how did I miss this game? Was it A) Alcohol B) Date night with the girlfriend or C) Destroying lawn furniture after the Angels loss? Answers at the end.

Top 5th: Langerhans struck out swinging against Cahill again. Did I think Langerhans was A) a Brave B) a National or C) a weird German dish?

Top 7th: Langehans struck out looking against Craig Breslow. Which is currently higher A) Breslow's ERA B) Breslow's age or C) Breslow's FIP?

Top 9th: Langerhans struck out swinging against Michael Wuertz. Was this quiz A) a complete waste of time B) the most fun ever or C) I'm a jackass?

Answers:
1. Some of A, some of C
2. A
3. B, but not by much
4. D, all of the above

Dave Niehaus Celebrated In Rap Form

Legendary Mariners' announcer Dave Niehaus passed away last month at age 75. And finally, there is a tribute worthy of his greatness. That's right, Seattle native, white rapper Macklemore spit out some phat lyrics yo. That's what the kids are saying now, right? Macklemore actually does a pretty good job with the song. He's no Cracker Jack but, come on, the Jack just owns the baseball rap scene.



Niehaus coined the famous phrases "My, oh my!" and "Get out the rye bread and mustard, Grandma, it is grand salami time!" The latter of which is rivaled only by Derwood's RBI Baseball call of "Dip the pickle in the cream cheese and stick it in the toaster, that's a stand up single!"

Felix Hernandez's Role In The AL Cy Young

With 7 weeks to go in the season, it's still a little early for award predicting. But Geoff Baker had to write something for The Seattle Times and I suppose I need to write something here. Baker believes Hernandez, despite his 8-10 record, can make a legitimate run because he's in the top 5 in Innings (1st), ERA (4th), Strikeouts (2nd) and Complete Games (2nd). Then Baker blows my mind talking about King Felix being in the top 5 of FIP and xFIP. Geoff Baker, you had me at FIP.

Felix Hernandez is having another great CY Young type season that I guess I didn't even really notice because he is a Mariner. So, I guess it's about time for me to take a quick look at my fictional Cy Young ballot. The ballot has been expanded to 5 spots from 3 spots for what might as well be called the Keith Law Law. For my imaginary ballot, I'll be ignoring wins (sorry Carl Pavano) because just stop it already.

1. Cliff Lee
Lee has been downright masterful with his command of the strike zone. His 15.22 K/BB ratio would not only shatter Brett Saberhagan's 11.00 ratio from 1994 but make Jered Weaver look like a jerk with his second best 4.44 this year. Lee (3.25) has the second best xFIP in the AL and has the most complete games in the league with 7. He also has the best WAR (6.0) and WPA (3.72) in the AL.

2. Felix Hernandez
After Lee, the rest of the best are a pretty tight group but King Felix is as deserving as any. The innings and strikeouts are impressive but Baker didn't mention that Hernandez is also tied for 5th in hits. His .294 BABIP suggests he hasn't really been unlucky in that area either. He's 4th in xFIP (3.36) but only .11 points off from Cliff Lee. He's also 3rd in WAR (4.8) and 4th in WPA (2.80) in the AL. The 10 or 11 wins he'll end up with will certainly hurt him though. It's unfortunate for him that your sister scores more every year than the Mariners.

3. Jered Weaver
Weaver is flying under the radar despite leading the AL in strikeouts. He was placed in the ace role for the Halos after Lackey departed and has certainly lived up to it. He's 5th in xFIP (3.38) and 2nd in K/BB (4.44). He's 5th in WAR (4.4) at Fangraphs or tied for 1st with Lee (4.7) at B-R. I should note that I use Fangraphs for most of my stats unless Baseball-Reference helps my argument better. He's also 2nd in WPA (3.34) in the AL. If he can get up to 15-16 wins from the 11 he's sitting at, he might have a good chance at running up Cliff Lee. Unless Pavano gets to 20 wins, then all bets are off.

4. Jon Lester
Lester has the most wins (13) on my ballot. His BB/9 ratio is up this year from his previous 2 years which is keeping him from being in the top 5 in K/BB but he is 3rd in the AL in strikeouts (165). He's 3rd in xFIP (3.26) just .01 away from Cliff Lee. Lester is 4th in WAR (4.6) and 3rd in WPA (3.24). Considering his wins and market, he'll probably end up finishing much higher than 4th.

5. Francisco Liriano
Liriano isn't close to the top 10 in innings pitched but he's been exceptional when he's throwing. Despite the fewer innings, he's still 4th in strikeouts (160). He leads the AL in both FIP (2.19) and xFIP (2.94). Liriano is 2nd in WAR (5.6)but only 11th in WPA (2.24). Liriano will probably only sniff the ballot if some of the new more sabermetrically inclined members get some AL Cy Young votes.

Mariners Scapegoat Fire Don Wakamatsu

The Seattle Mariners cleaned house today because, well, they're terrible. The M's at 42-70 have the second worst record in all of baseball to go with the third worst run differential (-125). Just like you or I would do, GM Jack Zduriencik, instead of falling on the sword himself, fired manager Don Wakamatsu and coaches Rick Adair, Ty Van Burkleo and Steve Hecht. Don't worry about Ty Van Burkleo though, I immediately hired him to be the bench coach for my Wiffle Ball team based solely on his awesome name. Zduriencik talked himself into the decision with this quote...

"I no longer have confidence that Don, Ty and Rick are the right long-term fit for our organization. New leadership is needed and it is needed now."

A mere six days ago Zduriencik gave Wakamatsu the dreaded vote of confidence. Four days ago Derwood predicted Wakamatsu had ten days left.

While the Mariners have certainly been disappointing over the past two seasons, it's hard to pin a lot of it on Wakamatsu. The one thing I'd take issue with was his Chone Figgins management. He moved Figgins from third where UZR had him solid (16.6) to second where UZR has him not so good (-6.9). Figgins isn't living up to his salary or anywhere close to it. And another position switch might not be enough to explain the dramatic drop in production from the plate (.358 wOBA in 2009 to .308 wOBA in 2010). But it's not Wakamatsu's fault Figgins completely fell of the offensive production map.

It also wasn't Wakamatsu's fault that Ken Griffey Jr was several years passed his expiration date when they signed him, Ken Griffey Jr fell asleep in the clubhouse during a game after not getting his required amount of Ensure, Milton Bradley, Jack Wilson broke his hand "falling in the bathroom", or that the M's are last in batting average, home runs and RBI. They're winning the reverse Triple Crown as a team.

What else could Zduriencik have done though? He needed to send a message to the fans that the organization wasn't asleep at the wheel while the players were just going through the motions for the remainder of the season. Which they are, shhh. Steve Stone listed some potential candidates for the job next season from the absurd (Dusty Baker, Tony LaRussa) to the possible (Joey Cora, Bryan Price, John Farrell). He also listed Derwood's prediction (Willie Randolph) and my prediction (Bobby Valentine) and my sentimental favorite (Wally Backman).

Casey Kotchman's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, cycles and no-hitters are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

I always had high hopes for Casey Kotchman but that was back when I thought the Angels could develop prospects. I was adorably delusional back then. Since Kotchman was flipped to the Braves for two months of Mark Teixeira, he has also played for the Red Sox and now the Mariners. If you go by UZR/150, Kotchman is the third best fielding first baseman in all of baseball. So he's got that going for him.

What he didn't have going for him today was making contact. Kotchman went 0-4 with 4 strikeouts and regressed to a .219/.293/.359 slash line. *shudders* Let's break out the cheap tequila and hope Kotchman didn't embarrass himself too bad while earning that hat...

Top 2nd: Kotchman struck out looking against Francisco Liriano. Well there's the problem. Liriano was pitching. Liriano is a left handed strikeout pitcher and Kotchman is left handed and terrible at hitting.

Top 4th: Kotchman struck out swinging against Liriano. 3 pitches. Damn lefty-lefty match up.

Top 7th: Kotchman struck out swinging against Liriano again. Liriano did strike out 11 in 7 innings so Casey wasn't the only one flailing away at the plate.

Top 9th: Kotchman struck out swinging against Matt Guerrier to end the game.

It was not a good day at the plate for the Mighty Casey. Ugh, I'm not proud of that sentence.

Sweet Lou's Last Run

Cubs manager Lou Piniella has announced he will retire after this season, presumably after a Chicago loss in late-September. Piniella, who started his managerial career in 1986 with the Yankees, has been around forever. The only seasons he wasn't a manager were 1989 and 2006, and he's been in the dugout with five different teams.



Piniella guided the 1990 Cincinnati Reds to a World Series sweep over the A's, but since hasn't had a ton of post-season success. He had several great regular-season teams in his 10 years with Seattle. In the strike-shortened 1995 season, the Mariners won the AL West in a one-game playoff over the Angels and reached the ALCS before losing to Cleveland. The 1997 West champions were beaten in four games by Baltimore in the ALDS, and the 2001 team won a record-tying 116 games before losing to the Yankees in the championship series.



After a forgettable three seasons in Tampa Bay (200-285, combined 96 1/2 games out of first), Piniella was 46 games over .500 in his first three seasons with the Cubs (2007-2009), which included an NL-best 97 wins in 2008. But like 2007, when Arizona swept a first-round series (yes, the Diamondbacks were in the post-season as recently as 2007), Piniella's club was swept in the first round in 2008 by the Dodgers.

Here's a list of some players Piniella managed:

Don Mattingly, Rickey Henderson, Ron Guidry, Tommy John, Dave Winfield, Ken Griffey Jr., Randy Johnson, Edgar Martinez, Alex Rodriguez, Goose Gossage, Ichiro Suzuki, Fred McGriff

And here's another list of players Piniella managed:

Wayne Tolleson, Mike Pagliarulo, Bobby Meachum, Steve Trout, Lee Guetterman, Luis Quinones, Rob Dibble, Troy Afenir, Mackey Sasser, Wally Backman, Erik Plantenburg, George Glinatsis, Salomon Torres, Alvaro Espinoza, Ryan Radmanovich, Brett Hinchliffe, Desi Relaford, Terry Shumpert, John Rocker, Hideo Nomo, Rocky Cherry, Carmen Pignatiello, Esmailin Caridad

Double Shot Of The Night

Shot Of The Night is Off Base Percentage's toast to a player who had an exceptionally good or bad night. There's always a reason to drink.

I was stuck in Baton Rouge for the past two nights and had some difficulty "borrowing" the Internet from neighbors so I owe you guys a couple of shots. Plus I'll have one up later. What are we waiting for? Let's get drunk.

June 30th

Wednesday's shot of the night was King's Gold: 2 oz Crown Royal® Canadian whisky,
2 oz Goldschlager® cinnamon schnapps. And it's in honor of Felix Hernandez.

All King Felix did was throw a 2 hit shutout against the Yankees while striking out 11. A-Rod, Capt'n Jetes and Teixeira all struck out twice as Derwood invented new profanity. Just disturbing stuff. Derwood thought he was getting off the hook since I didn't have online capabilities but he underestimated my desire to toast to Yankee failures.

Honorable Mention: Vlad Guerrero
The Shot of the Night giveth and taketh away. Just as I was enjoying the Yankees' failures, Big Daddy Vladdy laid his vengeance upon his former team, my beloved Angels. Vlad went 4-4 with 2 home runs (1 grand slam) and 5 RBI. Hideki Matsui went 0-3 with a walk and a strikeout and I drank myself to sleep.

July 1st

Last night's shot of the night was a Gut Buster: 1 oz Bacardi® 151 rum, 1 oz Bushmills® Irish whiskey, 1 oz Hennessy® cognac, 1 oz Aftershock® Hot & Cool cinnamon schnapps, 1 oz Aftershock® Cool Citrus mint schnapps, 1 oz vodka. I got hammered reading just that. Who is drinking that? Anyway, it's in honor of Buster Posey.

Posey went 2-4 with a home run but he gets toasted for getting the 800 pound gorilla off of his back. That's not a metaphor. The Giants finally traded Bengie Molina and his .284 wOBA to the Rangers, opening the door for Posey to take his rightful spot as the Giants everyday catcher.

Honorable Mention: Yadier Molina
In my attempt to make this the Molina'd shot of the night ever, I give you Yadier Molina's 0-4 night. And he did that on a mere 9 pitches. Dude just loves to catch. To put that in context, Blake Hawksworth (Cardinal pitcher, for those of you who aren't his parents) saw more pitches in his 2 at bats than Yadier had all game.

Ken Griffey Jr Opts For Retirement, More Naps

Mired in another disappointing season, the Seattle Mariners' best player in the history of their franchise has decided to hang them up. M's skipper Don Wakamatsu announced before tonight's game against the Twins that Ken Griffey Jr is retiring, effective immediately.

There is a lot that can be said about Griffey's return to the Mariners for his swan song. For example, it was an irresponsible waste of money by Seattle. Griffey was having a miserable season at the plate this year hitting .184/.250/.204 and even missed a pinch hit opportunity while napping in the clubhouse. And while I could make old jokes all day, I think today it would be better to just honor the man. After all, if it wasn't for the nagging injuries that marred his late career, Griffey would have easily been a top five player of all-time.

Let's take a look at some of the numbers courtesy of the fine people at Baseball Reference. Griffey hit 630 homeruns, good for a solid 5th place all time and will probably only be caught by Alex Rodriguez and maybe Albert Pujols. His career slash line is an impressive .284/.370/.538 that had some damage done to it over his final seasons. The number one overall pick in the 1987 draft finished in the top ten of MVP voting seven times.

Griffey won the AL MVP in 1997 while hitting 56 homeruns and .304/.382/.646. He had an even better season in 1994 when hit 40 homeruns and .323/.402/.674 (finished 2nd in MVP voting to Frank Thomas. Thomas hit 38 homeruns and a whopping .353/.487/.729. Insane).

So tonight, I'll raise a glass and toast to the Hall of Fame career of Ken Griffey Jr.