Chipper Jones Is Retired, Right?

Remember when Chipper Jones announced his plans to retire at the end of the 2012 season? Remember when Larry played in 112 games during the 2012 and hit an impressive .287/.377/.455 in 448 plate appearances as a 40-year-old? Remember how he was lavished with gifts ranging from third bases (Reds, Yankees, Pirates) to a bow hunting camera (Todd Helton) to a year's supply of sausages (Brewers) throughout the season? Then remember how he actually retired at the end of the season? Yeah, well, the baseball world has short term memory loss, at least according to a NY Post reporter tweeting about Jones' agent...

Chipper's agent BB Abbott said several teams have called on Chipper but #Yankees didnt. Wouldn't say which teams have. Staying retired, tho.

— Mark Hale (@HaleMark) January 7, 2013

Sure, the Yankees could use Jones as their own ungracefully aging third bagger Alex Rodriguez recovers from hip surgery (if he ever has it). But there are plenty of other teams who could use Jones as a 5/8 of the time third baseman. Had Jones qualified, he would have finished tied for 10th with Hanley Ramirez with a 3.0 fWAR at the position. With Ramirez back at short, the Dodgers might even be at the front of the line for Chipper's unavailable services. Of course, the Braves are looking to contend again this year and would, I assume, welcome Jones back with loving, open arms.

But barring a Brett Favre/every-rapper-ever wishy-washy comeback saga, Jones will remain retired to hunt and fish and tweet. And he appears to be enjoying the latter...

Man, this twitta thing is awesome!

— Chipper Jones (@RealCJ10) January 4, 2013

Which is good news for all of us if he keeps posting pics like this one...

What's wrong with this pic folks? Never said I was the sharpest tool in the shed. Damn ladder!!! Lol twitter.com/RealCJ10/statu…

— Chipper Jones (@RealCJ10) December 27, 2012

That's a festivus miracle/disaster if I've ever seen one. Sadly, there's been no update on the fate of that ladder.

Atlanta Braves Burn Money, Sign B.J. Upton

Give a General Manager a blank check, and he'll most likely waste it on a player with hype. The Atlanta Braves and B.J. Upton agreed to a five year $75.25 million contract (pending a physical), skewing the market and all but assuring that Michael Bourn will probably now get the $100 million contract that he is seeking. At the same exact moment, Tinker Bell died. Well played Mr. Wren, well played.

(AP) Paid, homey.

It's not Upton's fault. He wasn't going to go into the negotiation and say "I don't know Frank, $75.25 million? you realize that I hit .246 last year right?" B.J. is getting paid and most bloggers will be ecstatic because now we can break out the "overpriced fellatio" jokes that we have been dying to use. So maybe a small amount of thanks is in order on our part. That feeling quickly disappears when the idea of signing an outfielder at some point in the future crosses our minds and we think, "Damnit, Upton got $75.25 mil. What the hell is it going to take next year to sign Carlos Gomez?" 

Outfield Fly Rule

Welcome to the new playoffs. Unfortunately they came equipped with the same umpires as the old ones. We could go on and on about Robots and expanded replay and so on, but really, all you need to do is watch this video.

I'll wait.

Wow, just wow.

Chipper Jones Makes Walk Off Home Runs Sexy

Freddie Freeman cemented himself a place in Atlanta Braves lore last night when he ensured that last years epic collapse would not happen again this year. A little fitting that it was he who grounded into the season ending double play last year, I'm a sucker for sentimentality. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, this is not about Freddie Freeman coming through in the clutch, this is not even about coming through in the clutch.

This is about how Chipper Jones, just by being in the vicinity of awesome, can make that much more great.