Atlanta Braves Burn Money, Sign B.J. Upton

Give a General Manager a blank check, and he'll most likely waste it on a player with hype. The Atlanta Braves and B.J. Upton agreed to a five year $75.25 million contract (pending a physical), skewing the market and all but assuring that Michael Bourn will probably now get the $100 million contract that he is seeking. At the same exact moment, Tinker Bell died. Well played Mr. Wren, well played.

(AP) Paid, homey.

It's not Upton's fault. He wasn't going to go into the negotiation and say "I don't know Frank, $75.25 million? you realize that I hit .246 last year right?" B.J. is getting paid and most bloggers will be ecstatic because now we can break out the "overpriced fellatio" jokes that we have been dying to use. So maybe a small amount of thanks is in order on our part. That feeling quickly disappears when the idea of signing an outfielder at some point in the future crosses our minds and we think, "Damnit, Upton got $75.25 mil. What the hell is it going to take next year to sign Carlos Gomez?" 

BJ Upton's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

What a difference a day made for Bossman Junior. Less than 24 hours after a walk-off home run followed by the celebratory chocolate and whip cream pie to the face, Upton picked up the Golden Sombrero in a rather spectacular fashion. He got rung up looking thrice and was none too happy about it. He had to be physically restrained from umpire Chad Fairchild who ejected Upton in the ninth as well as Jay's manager John Farrell in the seventh. Joe West also took part, ejecting Rays manager Joe Maddon in the seventh. I think somebody got into the tequila a little early yesterday.

Let's see what drew the ire of the elder Upton...

Bottom 2nd: Upton struck out swinging against Brandon Morrow. 3 pitches. It's not like his day got off to a great start.

Bottom 4th: Upton struck out looking against Morrow. This was a called strike on a 3-2 count.

Bottom 6th: Upton struck out looking against Morrow again. Another called strike but on a 1-2 count.

Bottom 9th: Upton struck out looking against Frank Francisco. He took all three strikes looking but this is the one that set him off. He was tossed and threw everything he could get his hands on while making his exit. Personally, I'd like to see more of that after a good Golden Sombrero.

Uptons Pack The Trop

Tonight when the Diamondbacks play the Rays, it will be the first time young stars brothers B.J. and Justin Upton will play against each other. B.J. was the second pick overall by the Rays in the 2002 draft. He broke into the bigs in 2004 at 19-years-old. I fell in love with Bossman Junior during the magical summer of 2007. He hit 24 home runs, 82 RBI, 22 steals and had an .894 OPS while playing second base. A star was born and I won a fantasy baseball title. Since 2007, he has 27 home runs, 151 RBI, 109 steals and an average OPS of .733. Sadly, my fantasy teams have still not recovered from the heartbreak.

Justin was the top pick in 2005 and broke in at 19-years-old with the Diamondbacks in 2007. He had 26 home runs while hitting .300/.366/.532 last season. I've never owned him on a fantasy team so I'm fairly indifferent about the younger Upton. He does strikeout quite a bit which makes me happy.

Oh wait, I buried the lede. Upton family and friends will pack Tropicana Field to near capacity tonight for this glorious event...

About 65 friends and relatives of the Uptons will be at Tropicana Field for tonight's first-ever meeting of brothers B.J. and Justin. Most noticeable will be mother Yvonne, who has a special split jersey shirt with both of her sons names and numbers that was made by a family friend.

"This is the easy part," said Manny, their father. "The hard part was making sure everybody got into town.''

Ugh, those jerseys are so tacky. Why can't one parent wear the jersey of their favorite kid and then the other parent has to wear the jersey of the loser kid? We're getting too damn politically correct, America. I hope B.J. doesn't get nervous playing in front of that many people at The Trop. Zing. You might need to put some Neosporin on that burn Tampa Bay fans.