Canseco writes new book, but who is going to read it to him?

I stole that joke from Pops Derwood.

Yes, Offbase readers, Jose Canseco is at it again. After his first two books "Juiced" and "Vindicated" talked about steroids and singing armadillos (speculation, I haven't read either book), Canseco is set to release his third book, titled "The Truth Hurts". But that's no fun. So here's a list of titles he should've used*:


1. "Punching Danny Bonaduche Hurts"
2. "To Be An Oriole: How I Plan On Leading The American League in Home Runs In 2025"
3. "Me And Ozzie's Conversations With The Mailbox"
4. "The Day I Wore This Shirt"



5. "Bat Speed: My Day At Dave & Busters"
6. "F.P. Santangelo's Gonna Get Hurt"
7. "Of Softball Home Run Derbys & Men"


* Source: CSWPUJCGHHHN (the committee to send a wheelbarrow to pick up Jose Canseco and get him the help he needs)

Crazy Guy To Manage AA Baseball Team

It's official: Walter Wayne Backman is just two steps away from a major league dugout. The Double-A Binghamton Mets named former infielder Wally Backman their manager Monday, paving the way for a public spectacle at Citi Field in mid-April, 2014 involving a table of cold cuts (mostly salami) landing on the on-deck circle, and the abduction of Mr. Met.

Backman has been Jose Canseco with room and board and without a boxing match against Danny Bonaduche since retiring from baseball after the 1993 season. He was manager of the Diamondbacks for four days; DUI; assault; shouting profanity at mailboxes (speculation). Then he delighted us all with a squirrel-in-a-fish tank meltdown while managing the South Georgia Peanuts of the independent South Coast League.



Backman has had a number of minor league managerial jobs in the Whitesox, Diamondbacks and Mets organizations, but this seems like one of the last stops for Walter before he finally gets the big league job we should all be hoping he gets. He interviewed for New York's major league job before it went to Terry Collins, but I'm convinced if he does well at Binghamton, he will be in a big league dugout. Think Ozzie Guillen, but with no sense of humor and more death threats to bat boys.