Marlon Byrd's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

At least Marlon Byrd didn't commit one of the four errors that led to the Reds seven unearned runs on Tuesday. Not to be outdone by his teammates sloppy play though, Byrd managed to strikeout four times, seeing just 13 pitches. Dude was clearly in a hurry to get home to see who died on Glee. What? Oh no, the only reason I know about Glee is because I read Warming Glow.

Top 1st: Byrd struck out swinging against Edinson Volquez. Three pitches.

Top 4th: Byrd struck out swinging against Volquez. Three pitches.

Top 6th: Byrd struck out swinging against Volquez. Four pitches. He accidentally forgot to swing at one of the pitches and took a ball. But it was an MTD Hat Trick. He struck out three times, the same way, against the same pitcher.

Top 8th: Byrd struck out swinging against Jordan Smith. Three pitches.

Carlos Zambrano Is Cured Of Crazy?

Say it ain't so, Big Z. The days of Carlos Zambrano blowing up at teammates, pucnhing inanimate objects and cursing at clouds may be behind us. At least, according to Zambrano anyway...

Zambrano said Tuesday he completed three months of anger management counseling last October, and that it's no longer an issue with him.

"It's all done," he said with a grin. "I'm cured."

*snip*

And did the counseling work?

"Yes, it did," he said. "That was an experience that I can talk (about) through the years. Maybe in the future I can be a pitching coach and speak to the young kids about what I went through, what happened in my career, things that I experienced."

While this is sad news for bloggers obsessed with lunatics *high fives Canseco poster*, it's easier said than done. After his suspension, anger management and bullpen demotion, Zambrano returned to the Cubs' rotation and pitched 70.1 innings of 1.41 ERA baseball. So sure, he's feeling pretty good about himself right now.

Give it time. As a professional skeptic, I'm not willing to believe he's cured until he pitches a two-inning, eight earned game or gets some bubble gum that doesn't chew right. I'll admit that his reaction to getting his six year opening day starter streak snapped is a positive sign for his mental health. But the crazy usually doesn't lie dormant for long, does it Milton Bradley?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm working on a Bad News Bears style screenplay featuring Zambrano as a pitching coach. The working title is You Call That a Fastball, No Wonder Your Dad Left.

Rays Avoid Arbitration With Garza

Yikes. I thought the Angels were having a poor offseason. The Rays continued their "it's not really a fire sale" fire sale by dealing pitcher Matt Garza to the Cubs before he could hit arbitration for the second time. Rays fans, both of them, already had to deal with losing Carl Crawford, Carlos Pena and Rafael Soriano to free agency. Luckily for the Rays, it sounds like Jose Canseco is ready for his prodigious return to the baseball world and that just sounds like fun for the whole family.

What it means for the Rays
Uh, believe it or not, it doesn't mean that much. Garza is a fine pitcher but I don't think they miss a beat plugging Jeremy Hellickson into the rotation full time. The only fallout to the Rays rotation from this trade might be the removal of Jake Shields from the trading block. The Rays get Chris Archer, Brandon Guyer, Robinson Chirinos, Hak-Ju Lee and Sam Fuld from the Cubs to bolster their farm system.

Archer was the Cubs third best prospect according to Baseball Prospectus (or Kevin Goldstein if you're keeping score at home) but has some command issues to deal with before becoming a star. Lee was the fifth best prospect but his future short stop endeavors were blocked by Sterlin Castro similar to his new blockage at short by Reid Brignac. Guyer and Chirinos were 11 and 12 respectively but BP expects me to pay for any insight into them. Jerks, trying to make money and whatnot.

What it means for the Cubs
Garza jumps into the mix as the number two starter for the Cubs with Ryan Dempster and Carlos Zambrano. And one of those guys is going to have to the ace. My guess is that the Cubs rehash how much money they'll have to eat to move Zambrano and his psychiatry bills. It doesn't seem like a big hit to their minor league system that was already devoid of any big impact guys.

BBA NL Goose Gossage Award Ballot

Baseball's award season is upon us and we finally have a vote that counts for something this year. We're proud members of the Baseball Blogger Alliance and they've been kind enough to give us ballots. The only thing the BBWAA ever gave us was a virus when we opened their penis enlargement email. Not that we need it. Today we'll be unveiling our NL Goose Gossage ballot for reliever of the year. Note: I completely ignored saves.

1. Carlos Marmol
I'm just as shocked as you. I expected John Axford to finish higher on my ballot than the Cubs' closer. But Marmol had some ungodly stats. Strap on your nerd skis, it's all down hill from here. And yes, I realize I'm getting lamer by the minute, please don't send emails to inform of that. I'm actively looking for help. Marmol finished with a 2.55/2.01/2.95 (ERA/FIP/xFIP) line which was good for an NL reliever best 3.1 WAR. All of that would have been good enough for me to give him the top spot on this ballot but the ridiculous 15.99 K/9 rate sails him past the rest of the competition. Marmol did that over 77.2 innings which is more than a lot of relievers can say. Surprisingly dominant. I honestly can't wait to see the outcome of this voting because I don't think Marmol got enough credit this year.

2. Brian Wilson
Sure his playoff beard used to sell Oxy Clean on infomercials. Wilson was fantastic in the closer role for the Giants in 2010. Over 74.2 innings, he tossed 1.81/2.19/2.99 good for the second highest reliever WAR in baseball (2.7). Wilson struck out 11.21 over 9 innings and, more importantly, his facial hair was only overshadowed by whatever is growing out of Jayson Werth's face.

3. Heath Bell
Call me a sucker for WAR. Go ahead, I'll wait. Bell finished third in baseball with his 2.4 reliever WAR. He tossed 1.93/2.05/3.11 ball while striking out 11.06 over 9 innings. Bell's competition for this spot was Billy Wagner. Wagner went 1.43/2.10/2.34 for a 2.2 WAR. Unfortunately for Wagner, rock beats scissors. Science.

Koyie Hill's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, cycles and no-hitters are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Koyie Hill, where should we start? I never thought I'd get to award him with a Golden Sombrero because I never thought he was going to get the necessary 4 plate appearances in a single game. But Sweet Lou, who has nothing left to play for, is just going through the motions and stuck Hill behind the plate long enough to strikeout 4 times today. Thanks Lou, I'm sending you a big basket of retirement bran muffins.

Hill went 0-4 with the 4 strikeouts while managing to only see 16 pitches. I simply adore that kind of performance. He's now hitting .204/.242/.269 for the season. Only Brandon Wood is impressed by that slash line. Let's break out the Costco tequila and take a shot every time Hill struck out swinging...

Bottom 2nd: Hill struck out looking against Brett Myers.

Bottom 4th: Hill struck out swinging against Myers. Phew, that took for ever. I never thought we were going to take shots of cheap tequila. Drink up and click on some ads so we can afford Patron.

Bottom 6th: Hill struck out swinging against Myers again. In 2008, Koyie Hill had a -40 OPS+ for the Cubs. But in the winter of 2008, he had 4 OPS+ in my backyard Atlanta Wiffle Ball league. His defensive metrics held him back because I subtracted 130 points of OPS+ for his passed ball that allowed Derwood to reach first after I struck him out.

Bottom 9th: Hill struck out swinging against Matt Lindstrom. He did bunt foul twice before going down swinging so, um, that's something?

Shot Of The Night

Shot Of The Night is Off Base Percentage's toast to a player who had an exceptionally good or bad night. There's always a reason to drink.

Last night's shot of the night was derailed by a 3 hour conversation with Derwood about Jeff Bagwell's career stats. I had 9 pages of Fangraphs open on my browser. I'm starting to think Derwood's dad was onto something when he called us unstable. Anyhoo, the shot of the night was Bear Juice: 1 oz Crown Royal® Canadian whisky, 1 oz peach schnapps, 1 oz cranberry juice. And it's in honor of Aramis Ramirez.

Upon hearing about Sweet Lou's retirement plans, Aramis Ramirez unloaded on Astros pitchers going 3-5 with 3 home runs and 7 RBI. Ramirez is turning his miserable season around in July. This month he's hit 9 home runs and has a .383/.406/.950 slash line. It's unclear if he's trying to send Lou out on a high note with his current performance or if he was trying to drive Lou out with his previous performance.

Honorable Mention: Chris Carpenter
Carpenter worked another ho-hum 8 innings surrendering 1 run on 5 hits. He walked 1 and struck out 4 in a pretty typical Chris Carpenter performance. Not to be outdone, Andrew Carpenter also pitched up to his usual standards throwing 3 innings of 5-hit, 3-run ball and took the loss. The last time a Carpenter won and lost on the same day Pontius Pilate was involved. Too soon? *Disclaimer: we're actually not sure if that joke is offensive or, more importantly, makes any sense. That's my time, I'll be here all week, try the wings.*

Sweet Lou's Last Run

Cubs manager Lou Piniella has announced he will retire after this season, presumably after a Chicago loss in late-September. Piniella, who started his managerial career in 1986 with the Yankees, has been around forever. The only seasons he wasn't a manager were 1989 and 2006, and he's been in the dugout with five different teams.



Piniella guided the 1990 Cincinnati Reds to a World Series sweep over the A's, but since hasn't had a ton of post-season success. He had several great regular-season teams in his 10 years with Seattle. In the strike-shortened 1995 season, the Mariners won the AL West in a one-game playoff over the Angels and reached the ALCS before losing to Cleveland. The 1997 West champions were beaten in four games by Baltimore in the ALDS, and the 2001 team won a record-tying 116 games before losing to the Yankees in the championship series.



After a forgettable three seasons in Tampa Bay (200-285, combined 96 1/2 games out of first), Piniella was 46 games over .500 in his first three seasons with the Cubs (2007-2009), which included an NL-best 97 wins in 2008. But like 2007, when Arizona swept a first-round series (yes, the Diamondbacks were in the post-season as recently as 2007), Piniella's club was swept in the first round in 2008 by the Dodgers.

Here's a list of some players Piniella managed:

Don Mattingly, Rickey Henderson, Ron Guidry, Tommy John, Dave Winfield, Ken Griffey Jr., Randy Johnson, Edgar Martinez, Alex Rodriguez, Goose Gossage, Ichiro Suzuki, Fred McGriff

And here's another list of players Piniella managed:

Wayne Tolleson, Mike Pagliarulo, Bobby Meachum, Steve Trout, Lee Guetterman, Luis Quinones, Rob Dibble, Troy Afenir, Mackey Sasser, Wally Backman, Erik Plantenburg, George Glinatsis, Salomon Torres, Alvaro Espinoza, Ryan Radmanovich, Brett Hinchliffe, Desi Relaford, Terry Shumpert, John Rocker, Hideo Nomo, Rocky Cherry, Carmen Pignatiello, Esmailin Caridad

Zambrano Completes Anger Management, 10% Less Crazy

Carlos Zambrano completed his anger management and headed to Arizona. The embattled Cubs' right hander was told to please go away after he unleashed his crazy all over Derek Lee on June 25th. Big Z explained that he was just trying to fire up his teammates and he was promptly shipped to New York for anger management therapy. With any luck, the therapy will help stop the anger sharks from swimming in his head. But I doubt it.

Of course, the Cubs could probably live with the occasional cooler-punching, teammate-reviling tirade if Zambrano was pitching like his former self. Big Z came into this season a career 3.51 ERA, 127 ERA+ pitcher. He kicked this season off by throwing 1.1 innings and giving up 8 runs on 6 hits and 2 walks. He continued to struggle and moved to the bullpen for a stint. He moved back to the rotation in June but melted down on the aforementioned 25th when he pitched 1 inning and gave up 4 runs on 4 hits. He did record an impressive 43 SAL (screaming at Lee).

The Cubs are in a tough spot because trading Zambrano wouldn't net them much and they'd have to eat his salary. Too bad the Raiders aren't a baseball team, huh Chicago? I think they should just stick him back in the bullpen and have him yell at the opposing team's bullpen for 9 innings. Like a middle relief agitator.

Drew Stubbs Hit Three Home Runs Today

And his teammates hit four others in a 14-3 win over....the Chicago Cubs! Hit you with a bit of an RBI Baseball-wobbly pitch there didn't I? When you heard...

* Team hits seven home runs
* Wins 14-3

...you thought, "well it certainly wasn't against the Cubs".



Anyway, Stubbs had a .233/.308/.380 slash line and an 83 OPS+ until he went deep twice against Ted Lilly and against Andrew Cashner in the ninth. Lilly was so good in a nine-run Cincy seventh that Lou Pinella, who will be managing somewhere else in two weeks, or worse, Baltimore, had to leave the left-hander in to allow long balls to Brandon Phillips and Jonny Gomes and complete the magical 6 2/3 IP, 9 ER line.

Getting back to Pinella: it's just a matter of time for Sweet Lou. The Cubs are a disgrace, having won 11 times since May 29, and someone has to take the fall. It's certainly not going to be Aramis Ramirez (.177/.242/.297) or Derrek Lee (.230/.329/.372) or Ryan Theriot (.277/.317/.303) or Carlos Zambrano (78 ERA+/loonytunes). I'll give him through the all star break.