2013 Team Awards: Miami Marlins

No, sir, I don't think you understand. My Kung Fu is better. 

In order to review the 2013 season, the crackpot staff of Off Base is handing out awards to each Major League team. Please send us $19.95 for the shipping and handling of your team's Hello Kitty stickers awards. Here are the Most Valuable Player, Least Valuable Player, Cy Young, Cy Yuck, Rookie of the Year and Reliever of the Year for the Marlins. 

*Guidelines, prices and participation may vary by author*

MVP: Giancarlo Stanton

From (probably) now until the artist formerly known as Mike Stanton demands that Jeff Loria trades him, we might as well make this spot reserved. His 2.3 fWAR paced the Marlins offense, as did his 135 wRC+ and his .368 wOBA. He didn't get docked any pay this season because he was able to keep his home run balls from breaking the scoreboard. He did however manage to do this:




Watch out, Planet Hoagie. Stanton also took home the award for most scary stare downs as well as best use of Under Armour cold gear in a humid as fuck state.