Separated At Birth

I have absolutely loved the World Cup this year. I don't know if it's my patriotic spirit or the vuvuzela or the excuse to drink in the morning, but I'm captivated. Even though USA lost in plastic horn snapping fashion yesterday, I'm still going to watch and root for England Argentina. You know why? Diego Maradona. He's regarded as one of the greatest players in football *cough*soccer*cough* history. He's well known for the "Hand of God" goal in the 1986 World Cup. Otherwise known as "la mano de Dios" which I thought meant something else entirely. After a long relationship with the cocaine, Maradona had a stint as a talk show host before becoming Argentina's head coach in 2008. He's one of those outspoken, blast the media types who reminds me of Ozzie Guillen. Let's go to the Seperated at Birth Breakdown before I have to get drunker and watch more soccer...

Diego Maradona
We covered the "Hand of God" goal but he's also credited with the "Goal of the Century" from the same World Cup in 1986. *vaca sagrada* What I like about Diego is his willingness to fire away at any chance he gets...

"Many journalists should apologize to the players," he said, oozing confidence and never losing his cool. "I'm not suggesting you drop your trousers, but it would be honest and great so we all get along better."

snip

"All of a sudden we're an excellent team ... the most handsome people in the barrio!"

Maradona has also been a highlight reel on the sidelines. I never know what he's doing back there. He's fascinating and it takes the pressure off of his players. He'd also probably get tossed for arguing balks if he could. Speaking of which...

Ozzie Guillen
Guillen doesn't have the prolific playing career that Maradona does. He did win Rookie of the Year in 1985 but that's because voters hated Stew Cliburn and his 2.9 WAR. But Ozzie has gone on to win the hearts of many with his insane antics as manager of the White Sox. He won a World Series and probably can't get fired even though he supposedly came to blows with GM Kenny Williams earlier this year. The Ozzie legend is huge so I'm just going to steal some quotes from a Crasnick article from two years ago...

"He's garbage, still garbage, going to die as garbage," Guillen says of Mariotti. [Ed. I concur, by the way]

"You're not even a pimple on your daddy's ass," Guillen tells Wendelstedt.

"How you doing, Ozzie?" North says.
"Oh, shut the [bleep] up," Guillen replies. [Ed. Love Ozzie meter goes up 4 points]

"[Showalter] never even smelled a jock in the big leagues," Guillen says. "Mr. Baseball never even got a hit in Triple-A. I was a better player than him, I have more money than him and I'm better looking than him."

Two huge egos, successful managers, self proclaimed good looking, tons of cash. My question to you, were they separated at birth?

Finally Someone Embraces The Vuvuzela

Are you sick of that buzzing sound and all of the vuvuzela jokes on the Web? You are? Huh. Oh well, I'm not so here's another story. The Florida Marlins will hand out 15,000 vuvuzela-like horns for Saturday's game against the Rays. If anyone can get one of these for me, I'm willing to pay close to the cost of shipping. I fell in love with the annoying plastic horn what seems like just last week [Ed. - it was last week]. I applaud the Marlins for their decision to annoy the dozens that will be in attendance and eight watching at home.

The Marlins say this promotion has been in the works for months, thinking it will be a hit in soccer-mad South Florida.

Not every other sports venue is so keen on the horn craze. A fan was asked to leave a New York Yankees game this week for blaring a vuvuzela, and Wimbledon has issued reminders that the noisemakers won't be allowed for its tournament starting Monday.

Wow. The Marlins clearly have their finger on the pulse of what the American public will eat up. What's that? Oh that's right, there aren't any Americans in Miami. This could be their biggest promotion of the year.

Now please enjoy Dave Henson's The Vuvuzela song...

Strasburg Mania Returns To DC

Freshman phenom/greatest pitcher ever, Stephen Strasburg, returns to Washington DC tonight. I'm not sure there was a parade but I'm pretty sure he gets helicoptered in to the stadium from now on. This is going to be his second home start in what I've dubbed "The Summer of Strasburg." So far, much more productive than "The Summer of George." His first start at home was nothing short of amazing as he struck out 14 over 7 innings while not giving up a walk. His second start was at Cleveland and it was a little rough. He gave up 2 earned, struck out 8 but walked 5 in only 5.1 innings.

Tonight K-Stras™ takes on a streaking White Sox team. The White Sox have won 8 of their last 10 and are 7-2 against the NL this season. But you know what shocked me? The White Sox have struck out the fewest times in the league. They've only struck out 322 times this year or 303 fewer times than the D-Backs. The rest of their team stats are fairly embarrassing but still. Maybe Strasburg can help bringing them closer to league average in K's tonight.

Every Strasburg start is a must see event. So grab an adult beverage and a vuvuzela and join me over at Twitter at 6:05 pm or 7:05 for all of you east coast elitists. Jerks. But please follow me on Twitter @MnkysThrwngDrts!

Mark Reynolds' Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, cycles and no-hitters are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Mark Reynolds is my boy. He had a nice fantasy breakout season last year while hitting 44 home runs and swiping 24 bases. He also led the league in strikeouts with 223. He picked up a solid 5 Golden Sombreros last year. He picked up his first Golden Sombrero this season on June 13th. And he didn't waste much time picking up his second. Reynolds went 0-4 tonight with 4 strikeouts. You know what that means? It's time for me to get drunk with my donkey.

I named him Hurradura and we split a gallon of daiquiris tonight. He wants to go to a strip club so let's get to Reynolds' strikeout fest...

Top 2nd: Reynolds struck out looking against John Lackey. Looking? That doesn't sound right. Maybe he was distracted by a vuvuzela.

Top 4th: Reynolds struck out swinging against Lackey. Okay, that's better.

Top 5th: Reynolds struck out swinging against Lackey again. I get that tingle up my spine and ask him for some love.



Top 7th: Reynolds struck looking against Dustin Richardson.

That's just some good looking out. Thanks, Mark. If you could send me some cash, I could get moving on the OffBP Golden Sombreros. Made out of straw. Alright donkey, let's go to the strip club, you're driving.

The Yankees Don't Enjoy The Vuvuzela Either

If you haven't watched any of the World Cup this year, you might not know what a vuvuzela is. Basically the vuvuzela is a plastic horn that produces a loud buzzing noise which irritates much of the World Cup viewing world. Personally, I love it. I downloaded the vuvuzela iPhone app and blast it at my grandpa while he watches Jeopardy. Totally throws him off of his game. Aside from myself and the South African locals, most people hate the vuvuzela. The Yankees seem to be no different.

An article from the NY Post chronicled the adventures of a vuvuzela at Yankees Stadium...

When "bleacher creature" Anthony Zachariadis wailed on one of the plastic horns at Tuesday night's game, Stadium security snatched it out of his hands.

"You gotta give me the horn," the guard told him, inducing a chorus of boos from the bleachers. "You can't blow it."

snip

Zachariadis finally agreed to leave the game in return for not having his horns seized.

"I have been tossed from that place hundreds of times. Many times I even deserved it," he said. "But this was ridiculous."

That seems a little excessive but I'm a professed vuvuzela lover. Which reminds me, I need to go buy some online before Obama makes them illegal in the United States. That guy seems to have way too much time to watch sports. I have to respect Zachariadis for taking the ejection instead of giving up his vuvuzelas. That's dedication to his obnoxious craft. Well played, sir.