Hanley Ramirez's Disappointing Season In Jeopardy

Hanley Ramirez is having the worst season of his career and everybody has taken notice. Okay, by everybody, I mean fantasy owners, the dozen or so of real-life Marlins fans and Logan Morrison. Over 92 games, Ramirez has 10 home runs, 20 steals and a .243/.333/.379 line. He was also giving away his usual share of runs in the field with his special brand of short stop defense which doesn't always require a glove. Ramirez's 1.4 fWAR (Fangraphs wins above replacement) places him 57th in the National League in between Dan Uggla (1.4 fWAR) and Ryan Howard (1.3 fWAR). But all of that might be over now...

There’s a growing sense in the Marlins clubhouse that shortstop Hanley Ramirez won’t be back, either.

That’s not to say that Ramirez (sprained left shoulder) definitely won’t be back. But his return would surprise many people in the organization.

Hanley had surgery on the same shoulder after the 2007 season. And he said the sprain he suffered Aug. 2 while chasing a dropping fly ball was some of the worst he’d ever felt in his career.

Marlins manger and resident octogenarian Jack McKeon acknowledged not having Ramirez was a big blow to the line-up. And it's true. Since McKeon took over on June 20th, Ramirez was hitting a much more respectable .302/.382/.496 line. I'm almost certain this was due to a heart-to-heart conversation Trader Jack and Hanley shared over a handful of Werther's Originals.

Howeva, if Ramirez's season is over, it does loan credence to some of Twitter star (@LoMoMarlins) Logan Morrison's controversial jabs at the Marlins' franchise player. Morrison was recently and unexpectedly sent down to Triple-A New Orleans after these comments...

"What we don't have is experience and a veteran who is in the lineup every day that can be an anchor for us. We don't have it," Morrison told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.

Morrison was asked if Ramirez could be that player.

"I guess, but he's not there every game," Morrison said of Ramirez, who was placed on the disabled list Wednesday for the second time this season. "It's 162 games. It's not a 100-game season."

Fair enough. This would be Ramirez's first sub-140-games-played season in his MLB career but I have a feeling Morrison spends more time on Twitter or Netflix than Fangraphs.

In conclusion, I can't believe I wasted the second pick in my fantasy league on Ramirez. And LoMo, shoot me an email or tweet, I live in New Orleans. We should go to the Quarter and work on our hitting (on women).

Those Wacky Marlins

The Marlins turned into quite the merry band of pranksters over the weekend. The gang isn't exactly Allen Funt, or some more current reference, but it's still cool to see baseball players having a little fun. It's important to keep a sense of humor during a disappointing season that finds the Fish 15.5 games out of the NL East. You know, in case those fat pay checks don't make them feel better.

Emilio Bonifacio is having a breakout season hitting .298/.372/.390 with 24 stolen bases but the kid doesn't have much pop. So when he hit his second career out-of-the-park home run, he was probably expecting to be greeted by some high-fiving teammates. But when he got there, high five ready to go, they were sitting there uninterested imitating the dozen of fans of their home crowd. It didn't last long though as they eventually got up to celebrate with the power challenged Bonifacio.

The second prank of the day was dealt out by 80-year-old manager Jack McKeon who must have been feeling pretty spry after pounding an Ensure. The skipper had a little fun with closer Leo Nunez and the trade deadline...

“Good luck,” McKeon told him. “You’re going to Chicago.”

“The Cubs?” Nunez asked, his face turning pale.

At that point, McKeon and Nunez’s teammates could hide the joke no longer and broke out in laughter.

Oh that Trader Jack is incorrigible. And incontinent. Zing. *dances off stage wearing adult diaper*

What Is A Giancarlo Cruz Michael Stanton?

And how did this get by me? I know this isn't exactly breaking news but I'm bored. Apparently, young Marlins slugger Mike Stanton has a whole front half of his name that I didn't know about. The full, and much awesomer, name of the outfielder is Giancarlo Cruz Michael Stanton. Here's the origin story behind the full name which will be what I call him on this site henceforth...

The Jacksonville Suns [published on 4/28/10 - Ed.] right fielder’s name is listed on his birth certificate as “Giancarlo Cruz Michael Stanton,” a long name for a long-ball hitter. The first half was given to him by his mother of Puerto Rican and African-American descent, and the second half is the same name as his Irish father.

By 5th grade, Stanton's name had been abused so much by teachers that he just went by Mike. I like to think that he was so hurt by the mispronunciations that he took his frustrations out on baseballs.

Legend (that I made up) has it that he used to come home so upset that his mom would toss him batting practice to cheer him up. This was where he developed the crushing power he now displays with the Marlins. As a 9-year-old, he routinely belted his mom's 15-mph pitches 400 feet into Panorama City's neighboring town of Rustic Gardens.

When he was 10-years-old he hit a ball so far it landed in a crabby old-man's backyard where he kept a giant, angry dog that chewed up baseballs. Little Mikey Stanton had no idea that that ball was his dad's prized possession and signed by Babe Ruth. Hijinx would ensue but I can't tell you the rest of the story due to copyright laws.

In Giancarlo's first 396 plate appearances with the Marlins, he hit 22 homers and a .259/.326/.507 line. The power is legit and 40 home runs are in his future. Bill James has him pegged for 38 homers and .268/.355/.556 for 2011. I thought I owed you guys some actual facts after wasting your time with the rest of that nonsense.

Former Zephyr Cameron Maybin Dealt To Padres

Within two days, the Florida Marlins have traded away the top prospects they received in the Miguel Cabrera deal with Detroit from three years ago. Left handed pitching prospect Andrew Miller has underachieved to the point where he was flipped to Boston for reliever Dustin Richardson on Friday. The Cameron Maybin deal is a little more curious.

The Marlins soured on the 23-year-old center fielder but they also had him split time between AAA New Orleans and the Major Leagues both in 2009 and this past season. His stat splits between the two leagues were pretty severe though. As a New Orleans Zephyr, Maybin looked like the potential superstar he was billed to be while he looked like a replacement level player in the bigs.

In 2009, Maybin played 82 games for New Orleans and produced a .319/.399/.463 line that would make him a potential All Star. In his 54 games with the Marlins he only put up a .250/.318/.409 line while playing good defense in center field. The 33 games he spent in New Orleans in 2010 were even better than the previous stint. Maybin hit .388/.407/.508 which would certainly make him an All Star. But in the 82 games he spent with Florida, he hit for a paltry .234/.302/.361 line.

Maybin’s swing has some holes in it. He struck out 51 times in 176 at bats during the 2009 season with Florida and another 92 times in 291 at bats in 2010. He has the chance to be a plus defender in center and is still young at 23. Maybin was out of options which means he couldn’t be sent back to New Orleans but he had nothing left to prove there anyway.

In my opinion, the Marlins gave up on Maybin too soon especially for the pair of relievers, Ryan Webb and Edward Mujica, they received in return. Maybin may be one of the prospects who just needed a change of scenery to flourish at the Major League level and he will have plenty of room to run in Petco’s spacious outfield.

I expect to be giving a similar send-off post to Brandon Wood anytime now.

Ronny Paulino Is Fat, Suspended

Marlins catcher Ronny Paulino became the second big leaguer to get slapped with a 50 game suspension after violating the league's drug policy. Edinson Volquez was the first but he was hurt and it didn't matter anyway. In fact, I think Volquez is just now entering his third rookie year. The 6'3, 250 pound catcher will begin his sentence immediately and explained that he was only taking the "performance enhancer" because he wasn't happy with how he looked in a bathing suit...

"To control my weight this season, I used a dietary pill," Paulino said in a statement released by the team. "I recently learned that the dietary pill contained a substance banned under Major League Baseball's drug policy. I am ashamed and saddened for disappointing and distracting my family, my teammates, the entire Florida Marlins organization and baseball fans."

Have we learned nothing from Starcaps? Most dietary drugs, even if they aren't crystal meth (I'm looking at you strippers), are against professional sports leagues' substance abuse policies. And with MLB's newfound hard-on for busting anyone that has ever seen a guy smoke pot, how do you not get anything you're taking approved by the league? Or instead of taking drugs, and I know this is going to sound silly, why don't you try watching your diet and working out more?

Let's take a look at what I imagine Ronny Paulino's diet is, put together from one of my favorite sites This Is Why You're Fat...

Breakfast - Country Breakfast Wrap

Scrambled eggs, pork sausage, potatoes and American cheese rolled inside a buttermilk pancake topped with maple syrup.

Lunch - Meat Mountain

Dinner - Pizza Burger

Two personal pepporoni pizzas with a hamburger patty on top, with bacon and covered with cheese and ranch dressing.

Dessert - Pake

Pake = a pie inside a cake

A lemon-vanilla cake with blueberry preserves, strawberry pie, and cream cheese frosting.

I think I caught diabetes from putting together that menu.

Anibal Sanchez's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, cycles and no-hitters are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

I've become a little burnt out writing about Golden Sombreros since they come at such a fast and furious pace this summer. But a pitcher wearing the giant hat, that kind of rekindles my fire. I can't remember the last time a pitcher stuck around long enough to achieve 4 strikeout greatness nor do I care to look it up. Any help, Jayson Stark?

The Marlins' pitcher tossed a no-hitter on my birthday (9/6) in 2006 but has had a turbulent career since then. He had the daunting task of opposing the Phenom Stephen Strasburg in his much anticipated return from the disabled list. Strasburg wasn't sharp and Sanchez clearly won the strikeout duel. Anibal struck out 7 while adding his own 4 into the equation, nearly making my head explode.

Usually the pitcher isn't the star, so let's get to the special edition and see how Sanchez was involved in strike outs left and right...

Top 3rd: Sanchez struck out swinging against Stephen Strasburg. It only took Strasburg 3 pitches to strikeout Sanchez and then the next pitch was doubled to deep right by Hanley Ramirez. I know this post is supposed to be about Sanchez but I have Strasburg fever. I'm seeking a cure. I've heard more cowbell might help.

Top 4th: Sanchez struck out swinging against Strasburg again. It was also on another 3 straight pitches. Who's guessing Sanchez figures Strasburg out in his next at bat?

Top 5th: Sanchez struck out looking against Strasburg. He got the count to 2-1 before fouling off a ball and striking out looking. I think he walked back to the dugout feeling pretty good about himself. Sanchez did count for 3 of Strasburg's 4 strikeouts on the day.

Top 7th: Sanchez struck out looking against Craig Stammen.

That's a pretty good day in my book. It's rare to strike out that much on offense and defense.

Marlins Fire Gonzalez

Who knew that beating the Orioles could get you fired? That's what happened to Florida manager Fredi Gonzalez, who was let go following a 10-4 win over Baltimore Tuesday. Gonzalez, the ninth manager in franchise history, was 276-279 in three-plus seasons.

Let's read a hilarious quote by Marlins' owner Jeffrey Loria:

"We owe it to our fans to put this team in the best possible position to win."

Anyway, former AAA New Orleans manager Edwin Rodriguez takes over on an interim basis, while a permanent name that has been floated around is Bobby Valentine. We at Offbase suggest Wallace Fessenden, who went 4-7 as the skipper of the second-place 1890 Syracuse Stars.


[UPDATE: Fessenden died in 1935]

Finally Someone Embraces The Vuvuzela

Are you sick of that buzzing sound and all of the vuvuzela jokes on the Web? You are? Huh. Oh well, I'm not so here's another story. The Florida Marlins will hand out 15,000 vuvuzela-like horns for Saturday's game against the Rays. If anyone can get one of these for me, I'm willing to pay close to the cost of shipping. I fell in love with the annoying plastic horn what seems like just last week [Ed. - it was last week]. I applaud the Marlins for their decision to annoy the dozens that will be in attendance and eight watching at home.

The Marlins say this promotion has been in the works for months, thinking it will be a hit in soccer-mad South Florida.

Not every other sports venue is so keen on the horn craze. A fan was asked to leave a New York Yankees game this week for blaring a vuvuzela, and Wimbledon has issued reminders that the noisemakers won't be allowed for its tournament starting Monday.

Wow. The Marlins clearly have their finger on the pulse of what the American public will eat up. What's that? Oh that's right, there aren't any Americans in Miami. This could be their biggest promotion of the year.

Now please enjoy Dave Henson's The Vuvuzela song...

PETA Suggests Robotic Fish For Marlins Stadium

Those wacky kids over at PETA are at it again. It's actually been a while since PETA has wondered in to the sports world to complain about something ridiculous. That all changed when the Marlins announced some of the plans for their new stadium. The Marlins plan on building two aquariums out of bullet proof glass and placing them in the backstop. Then they're planning on, you better sit down, putting fish in the aquarium! Egads, man! Real, live fish in an aquarium? Surely there's a better way, right PETA?

But PETA said the Marlins should explore alternatives, such as ``artist-designed aquariums full of beautiful blown-glass animals,'' ``high-definition plasma screens showing underwater footage of sea animals,'' and even ``robotic fish that can `swim' through water.''

Robotic fish, huh? I think PETA is trying to corner the robotic animal market. They suggested UGA switch to a robot bulldog after Uga VII passed away. I can't help but envision a giant PETA robot animal factory just cranking them out until the inevitable robot animal uprising of 2016. It's not going to be pretty, folks. The closest I come to liking robot animals is when cats are riding vacuum cleaners. Does that count?



Just like every other time PETA tries to intervene in the world of sports, it will blow over and the Marlins will put live fish in their backstop aquariums. I wish PETA would focus on the important issues like what mystery animal goes into Lucky Dogs at the those carts in the French Quarter.

Super Tuesday

I'm all drafted out. The first round was fun and had some surprises. I'm looking at you, Chicago Cubs. The second round was the landing spot for most of the first round fallers. But when I realized I was listening to the eighth round, it was time to reassess what I was doing with my day. So I took a nap. What? I needed to be well rested for tonight's debuts.

Tonight we get the debuts of the top two prospects in the minors. I can't remember the last time that happened and quite frankly, it seems like a lot of work to find out. I've briefly mentioned that Stephen Strasburg and Mike Stanton were on their way to the bigs. Well, tonight is the night. Let's take a look.

Stephen Strasburg. Strasburg makes his debut against the Pirates tonight in perhaps the most hyped game the Pirates have been a part of in over a decade. When the Nationals selected Starsburg first overall last year, he immediately became their best pitcher. They sent him to the minors to keep his arbitration clock in check but he had nothing to prove there. Between AA and AAA, he went 7-2 with 1.30 ERA and 65 strikeouts against 13 walks. The game will be on the MLB Network and if Strasburg doesn't no-hit the Pirates, riots might break out in D.C. Alternate possibility, Strasburg ho-hits the Pirates and riots break out in D.C.

Mike Stanton. The 6'5, 230 pound power hitter has tore up the minor leagues, but this year he's been downright ridiculous. At 20-years-old in AA, Stanton hit 21 home runs and .311/.441/.726. That .441 OBP suggests he's not merely a one-trick pony. The 53 strikeouts in 52 games isn't great. For him. For me, I smell golden sombreros. Smells like queso. Stanton faces Kyle Kendrick and the Phillies tonight. Certainly, a couple of big flies aren't out of the question.

I'll be watching all of the action. Feel free to join me on Twitter. You never know when I might think of a Strasburg drinking game for us to play.

He's Coming...

Now that Super Two season has just about wrapped up, it looks like we'll be seeing the influx of the surefire, can't miss Hall of Fame prospects. Stephen Strasburg is set to make his debut on Tuesday. I believe his game will interrupt every television broadcast like a Presidential State of the Union.

The 6'5, 230 pound home run machine, Mike Stanton, will probably make his MLB debut on Tuesday as well. The Marlins' top prospect has 21 home runs and is hitting .311/.441/.726 in AA this year. It's rumored that he has the Eye of Thundera embedded in his bat to help him hit those moon shots.[citation needed] What are you waiting for fantasy nerds? Go pick him up. And baseball nerds, buckle in. We have a busy week ahead of us.

I was there! No, you weren't

The Marlins' ticket office is selling tickets for Roy Halladay's perfect game, which happened more than a week ago.

Orlando Sentinel:

The Marlins will be selling unused tickets today to last Saturday's game in which Philadelphia's Roy Halladay hurled the 20th perfect game in major league history, a 1-0 victory over the Marlins.

All tickets will be sold at full price online and through the Marlins' ticket office.

Couple thoughts:

1. ....the Marlins will be selling unused tickets today to last Saturday's game is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

2. FULL PRICE!

They can't get people to buy tickets the day before the game, what makes them think people are going to buy tickets 11 days after the game?

Apparently, "collectors" would be "willing" to purchase "the" tickets for the memorablia, but non-collectors who weren't at the park can also say they saw the Halladay gem in-person. The only problem is no one will believe them.