Happy Birthday Johnny Dickshot

On Thursday, I'm going to officially change my name to Johnny Dickshot. Then I'll insist on being called by my full name at all times. Yup, things are finally turning around for me, old Johnny Dickshot, this year.

Dickshot was born John Oscar Dicksus on January 24, 1910 in Waukegan, Illinois. While Johnny wasn't much of a professional leftfielder, he seemed like a pretty interesting fellow. I couldn't find the back story to him changing his name to Dickshot but I only checked Wikipedia. But right off the bat with the name change, Johnny had won me over. Dickshot's nickname was "Ugly" which stuck after he proclaimed himself as the ugliest man in baseball. Classic self deprecation. Love this guy.

He played three seasons with the Pirates (1936-1938), 10 games for the Giants in 1939 and two seasons with the White Sox (1944-1945). He also played in the Pacific Coast League for Hollywood before and after his tenure with the White Sox.

Dickshot's monster season came in 1945 when he hit a .302/.366/.407 line and the only above average OPS+ (127) of his career. His 1945 season was also his last in the bigs and he finished with a professional .276/.345/.371 line. He played his final season of baseball in 1947 for Milwaukee of the American Association. His post-baseball life makes me think we would have gotten along just fine. Assuming Wikipedia didn't make this up...

Soon after his retirement, Dickshot opened a tavern called the Dugout in Waukegan. In his obituary, his granddaughter said he would often call his wife at home from the bar demanding that she look in his encyclopedia to settle a dispute over baseball trivia. He threw out a first pitch in the new Comiskey Park in June 1994.

That's awesome and what's an encyclopedia? I'm not even sure I'm saying that right.

Dickshot passed away at age 87 on November 4, 1997 in his hometown Waukegan, Illinois. You can check out his tribute page to see the slew of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren he was survived by.

I don't know what Johnny's drink of choice was (so I'll assume bourbon) but I'm making everybody at the bar tonight take a birthday shot in his honor. Happy Birthday, Mr. Dickshot.

Twitter Responds To The Yu Darvish Signing

The Rangers inked Yu Darvish to a six year, $60 million deal after paying $51.7 million to negotiate with him. It was a hefty price to pay for the Japanese pitching stud. I'm no scout so I turned to Twitter to get a better idea about the Rangers new ace. Here's what I learned...

@_BrilliantBrian: I bet Yu still tricking

Deception isn't part of his game but I suppose MLBers will be confused at first.

@RiiLEY_JOLiE: YU CUTE ON TWITTER BUT NOT IN PERSON

Easy RiiLEY, Yu has modeled nude before so some chicks might dig his long ball(s).

@_StuntDaily: retweet if YU thick #strapped

Uh. I'm not doing the research on this one so refer to the previous tweet.

@HelloKiaa: Can't make me jealous, if I don't care about Yu

Oh, Alex Anthopoulos, that's a nice try posting under HelloKiaa. The Toronto GM is quite savvy in social media.

@SomethinMajor94: gud think Yu kan spell

Hey, hey... There is a 98% chance Darvish is better at English than you, buddy. That one might be a hate crime but I can't find my decoder ring.

@drewskiiii: pretty chicks want Yu to hit them up, pay for the date, gas, and make them laugh. average chicks down wit Netflix

The Rangers would probably settle with a ton of innings and a high K/9 rate but George W. Bush and Nolan Ryan wouldn't mind if Darvish could teach them Netflix too.

@ImSwaggiin: I Jus Kno Yu Hoes Hoe For a Hobby LOL

Is that the end to the pimp version of "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck?"

This was just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many people talking about "Yu" on Twitter. He might be the most popular player ever.

Happy Boxing Day/Dick Burns Birthday

I think this site was invented for that kind of post title. If you're anything like me (god help you), you're still a little hungover from celebrating Rickey Henderson's birthday yesterday. But there's no rest for the weary. Today is Boxing Day. Banks are closed all across Canadia but I still have to work for some reason. *shakes fist at Obama*

I still don't really understand what Boxing Day is nor do I care to read the Wikipedia entry for it. I'll continue to assume it's Christmas part two. Shame on you for not getting me anything. And I went through all the trouble to find this sweet Simpsons/Rocky Balboa mashup trailer for you...



Happy Boxing Day. As long as I'm handing out happies, Dick Burns would have turned 148 today. It's Ozzie Smith's birthday too but his name doesn't make me giggle like a 10-year-old. Burns pitched for the Detroit Wolverines in 1883, the Cincinnati Outlaw Reds in 1884 and the St. Louis Maroons in 1885. He continues to be popular with the dry-humping high school crowd.

We took a long stroll down the path to that joke. While I'm not especially proud of it, I'll always cherish that journey with you guys. Merry Dick Burns day to you and your loved ones.

Site News: Please Bear With Us

With wordplay like that, I'm not surprised this site is under foreclosure. You might not have noticed, my dear astute readers, but I've been somewhat missing in action over the past month or so. Your uncle Derwood has abandoned us and after an exhaustive search, I found him taking pictures of clothing left on the side of GA 400. I'm afraid he's a lost cause now.

As for me, your esteemed editor, I've been hanging out over at FanSided writing about the Angels at Halo Hangout and the Braves at Tomahawk Take. It's a little less nonsense than I'm used to so I've been mulling over what to do with Off Base.

I've decided to keep my little blog here and fulfill all of my nonsense needs by covering the absurd stories that pretend-journalism doesn't allow otherwise. So stay tuned for more porn star and deer antler spray stories. They hold a soft spot in my heart after all.

For real baseball news and opinions, check me out everywhere else. Thanks. And picnic bear wants to know if you're going to finish that sandwich.

Porn Star BiBi Jones Loves Baseball Too

Adult film actress BiBi Jones had a busy week and, for once, it didn't require her being a naughty schoolgirl. I'd never heard of BiBi Jones until her now famous Twitpic with New England Patriots tight end (hee-hee) Rob Gronkowski. Gronkowski, for whatever reason, felt the need to apologize for taking the rather SFW pics. I think we're all getting a little too critical of athletes nowadays. I would have done the same thing if I was in that situation. I mean, I wouldn't have taken my shirt off because I'm Irish and the flash of a camera might have blinded onlookers. Anyway, after doing some extensive research, I learned that BiBi Jones doesn't appear to be a fan of wearing clothes. But she does love baseball (players)...

Jones told Business Insider that an MLB agent, whom she would not name, used to bring her out to recruit potential clients after Arizona Diamondbacks games in 2010.

The agent reportedly took her to Phoenix-area bars after almost every game, starting in the spring of 2010, where she was introduced to major league players. Jones said she slept with "over 10" players that year, some of which she believes signed with the agent, Business Insider reports.

*snip*

"It was like a dream come true because I love athletes and baseball's my favorite sport," she told Business Insider.

*pops collar* I, um, hit .167 in little league when I was eight-years-old.

While I doubt I actually have a chance, I'd love to get with her. For an interview. I have so many questions. What's her favorite team? Why can't Tony La Russa manage a bullpen? Did she hook up with an Upton? Uptons, plural? Will she star in my porn parody of the video game RBI Baseball? There's no way Jeremy Hellickson can sustain a .233 BABIP, right?

I can't believe I already had an "arizona porn companies" tag. What kind of ship am I running here?

World Series Notes - Game 1

It's game one of the World Series!!

Texas and St. Louis!

Allen Craig#

Darren Oliver and Arthur Rhodes%&

Anyway, during the opening game of the Fall Classic I jotted down some notes.


* St. Louis bat boy's name is Tanner.

There's only one Tanner allowed in baseball history, and it's Tanner Boyle.

* This debate actually took place in the bottom of the sixth inning: should Texas intentionally walk Nick Punto?

Speaking of Punto, here is a list of loud, rhetorical questions I asked my cat, Morris



during the game:

- NICK PUNTO?!

- 7TH INNING, TYING AND GO-AHEAD RUNS ON FOR TEXAS, PINCH HITTING IS.....ESTEBAN GERMAN?! JESUS!

- THAT WAS GERMAN'S FIRST AT BAT SINCE SEPTEMBER 25?!

- WHO THE HELL IS JOHN JAY?!

* Joe Buck came close to telling an actual joke in the sixth inning. It was something about a Rangers' reliever turning on a heater with his legs.

If I had to grade the joke in Cansecos I'd give it an Ozzie.

* There's Allen Craig with the go-ahead single, which finally answers the trivia question what's Allen Craig up to these days?

* Here's a segment inspired by FOX's Tim McCarver I like to call Thanks, Tim.

1. Texas down 3-2 in the top of the seventh, reliever Alexei Ogando on deck:

"He won't bat."

Thanks, Tim.

2. Bottom of the eighth:

"Wicked slider from Mike Adams."

(Scott Feldman was pitching and had been since the seventh. Mike Adams had yet to get into the game).

Thanks, Tim.

3. After Texas catcher Mike Napoli points away while giving a sign:

"Yup, something away."

Thanks, Tim.

BBA NL Goose Gossage Award Ballot 2011

Ah, the good old reliever of the year ballot. The BBA has to remind me every year this is NOT for best mustache. Oh, and saves are a stupid, stupid stat. Let's roll...

1. Craig Kimbrel, Atlanta
Not much to this one. Kimbrel led all relievers with a 3.2 fWAR (Fangraphs Wins Above Replacement) and was my choice for the BBA Willie Mays award for rookie of the year, which he won. Over 77.0 innnings, Kimbrel tossed a 2.10/1.52/1.94 (ERA/FIP/xFIP) pitching line with a staggering 14.84 K/9. And sure, he recorded 46 saves if you're the type of person who cares about that stuff. But if you like saves, you probably don't know how to text message and aren't reading this.

2. Jonny Venters, Atlanta
Braves manager Fredi Gonzalez rode Venters into the ground in 2011. That's actually true of Kimbrel and Eric O'Flaherty too and contributed to the Braves collapse down the stretch. Venters appeared in 85 games and pitched 88.0 innings. He threw a 1.84/2.78/2.88 pitching line which was hurt when he ran out of gas. In 12.1 September innings, Venters gave up seven runs on 13 hits and 10 walks. It wasn't pretty. But he was so brilliant for the rest of the season, I have a hard time penalizing him for his manager's mismanagement.

3. John Axford, Milwaukee
His 1.95/2.41/2.85 pitching line and 10.51 K/9 and 46 saves are all pretty enough. And maybe I should have voted for him higher but not because of the numbers. It's because of this...



If the BBA would let me vote for mustaches for the Goose Gossage award like I wanted to, Axford would have run away with this thing.

BBA AL Goose Gossage Award Ballot 2011

Ah, the good old reliever of the year ballot. The BBA has to remind me every year this is NOT for best mustache. Oh, and saves are a stupid, stupid stat. Let's roll...

1. Jonathan Papelbon, Boston
I don't have any clue how other BBA members vote for reliever of the year. I'm not against voting for a closer, despite the very defined role, if he was the best reliever in the league. In this case, Papelbon had a monster year. Strap on your nerd boots. The 2.94 ERA might scare off some voters but he had 1.53 FIP, 2.16 xFIP, 1.88 tERA and a 1.58 SIERA. What put Paps over the top for me was his 8.70 K/BB ratio.

2. Mariano Rivera, New York
I feel a little dirty putting two closers in the top two spots but I don't like my relievers to walk hitters and Mo don't walk hitters. He had just a 3.4 BB% but when you throw just one pitch, I guess you get pretty good at locating it. The saves and 1.91 ERA will probably get him some first place votes too. I'm afraid I'm conforming.

3. David Robertson, New York
There is plenty to like about Robertson. He had a 1.08/1.84/2.46 (ERA/FIP/xFIP) line to go with a 13.5 K/9 and an 89.8 LOB%. I actually said I'd vote for him first on a podcast a few weeks ago. So Dave, if you were listening, sorry bro. You might win anyway, I'm terrible at the Goose Gossage award. Much better at mustaches.