Yankees Trade for Vernon Wells. Yes, You Read That Correctly

This offseason hasn't gone exactly to plan for the New York Yankees. They uncharacteristically backed off of pursuing big time free agents and are trying a "bargain bin" approach for 2013. Then it was released that Alex Rodriguez was going to need hip surgery, again. Then came the Biogenesis mess which - and, of course, this was going to happen - A-Rod was linked too. Then Curtis Granderson took a fastball off of the forearm in a spring training game, breaking said forearm. Then, Mark Teixeira strained his right wrist while working out with Team USA in preparation for the WBC. Last week however, ESPN reported that Tex's injury is a more serious partially torn tendon sheath. Michael Pineda still can't find his way to a mound, and might have the only shoulder that is worse off than Tommy Hanson's, and none of this would be complete without mentioning how Derek Jeter is likely to start the season on the DL for the first time since 2001. Are you with me so far? It's a lot to digest, I know, but this really has been the offseason from hell for the pinstriped ones.

Enter Jerry Dipoto, Vernon Wells and a panicking Brian Cashman.

Juan Rivera's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

How about a little exercise in futility, kids?

Player A: 152 PA, 4 HR, .183 BA, .224 OBP, .303 SLG, .233 wOBA, -0.3 WAR
Player B: 137 PA, 2 HR, .217 BA, .314 OBP, .283 SLG, .277 wOBA, 0.2 WAR

I think we can agree that these are two terrible offensive players. Of course, Player A is making, for the sake of a round number, about $20 million more this year than Player B. Player A is Vernon Wells who recently hit the disabled list with an acute case of suck that has spread throughout his body. While Player B is Juan Rivera who the Blue Jays DH and bat cleanup to "protect" baseball's best hitter Jose Bautista. I think this sums up where these players are in their careers...



Rivera set out to prove that sound effect correct Saturday night. Let's go to the tape...

Top 1st: Rivera struck out swinging against Nick Blackburn. It was a strike 'em out, throw 'em out with Bautista involved so I'll, begrudgingly, give Rivera a little benefit of the doubt on this one.

Top 3rd: Rivera struck out swinging against Blackburn again. No excuses this time.

Top 6th: Rivera struck out swinging against Blackburn. This, new readers, is what I like to call the MTD Hat Trick. That's when a player strikes out three times, the same way, against the same pitcher. It happened last year way more than I thought it would. But still, tell your friends. I'm trying to make it a thing.

Top 8th: Rivera struck out swinging against Matt Capps.

Credit where it's due, Rivera had the decency to get the Golden Sombrero in before extra innings so it doesn't feel tainted.

Curveballs for Jobu 4/20/11

Curveballs for Jobu is Offbasepercentage's daily trip around the ballparks.

Today's honorary bat boy is Warren Newsom.




Orioles 11, Twins 0. Any time Carl Pavano fails at his job, it is a joyous night at Offbase headquarters. When Pavano fails miserably? That's parade-worthy (hobo Paul, Hiccup the Clown, MTD's pet rabbit Horace, everyone gets involved). The Twins' right-hander didn't get out of the fifth and allowed seven earned runs. Matt Wieters drove in four runs and Brian Roberts and Vlad had three RBIs each as Baltimore snapped an eight-game losing streak.

Brewers 9, Phillies 0. Turns out, Roy Halladay is a real human boy with feelings. Milwaukee touched up Halladay for six earned in 6 2/3 innings, and Randy Wolf tossed six scoreless as the Brewers became the first team to win a series from Philly this season. Yuniesky Betancourt Watch: 2-for-5, average a full seven points above the Betancourt Line at .207.

Angels 15, Rangers 4. In chapter seven of our novel Conversations From Inside the Padded Room, MTD and I were discussing whether 'Trumbo' sounded like a sawed-off trombone or a trumpet that's been glued to a trombone. Either way, Trumbo is the last name of Mark, who combined with fellow youngsters Hank Conger and Peter Bourjos to go 9-for-13 with 9 RBIs in the California-Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles' blow out win. It got so bad for Texas, Vernon Wells got on base twice!

Diamondbacks 5, Reds 4. Someone alert the ESPN Sunday Night Baseball broadcasting crew: Arizona scored all its runs on home runs.

Royals 5, Indians 3. Who had 'Bruce Chen would be 3-0 on April 20 and Wilson Betemit would be an on-base machine' in their pool of things that would ever happen?

Braves 10, Dodgers 1. First of all, happy birthday to Dodgers manager Don Mattingly, who turned 50 today. Mattingly reportedly celebrated his birthday a little early by vomiting during the top of the ninth inning Tuesday. In that ninth, Atlanta led just 2-1 when Kenley Jackson and Ramon Troncosco happened. The pair allowed eight earned runs, including home runs to pinch-hitter Eric Hinske and Dan Uggla. Rookie Brandon Beachy was the beneficiary, picking up his first major league win after six scoreless innings.

Mariners 13, Tigers 3. Al Alburquerque: 2/3 IP, 2 ER.

Nationals at Cardinals ppd to theft of thousands of Tom Pagnozzi bobblehead dolls
Padres at Cubs ppd Luis Salazar



Other games, but down here....

Astros 6, Mets 1
Athletics 5, Redsox 0
Bluejays 6, Yankees 5 (10)
Giants 6, Rockies 3
Devilrays 2, Whitesox 1
Marlins 6, Pirates 0