A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.
How about a little exercise in futility, kids?
Player A: 152 PA, 4 HR, .183 BA, .224 OBP, .303 SLG, .233 wOBA, -0.3 WAR
Player B: 137 PA, 2 HR, .217 BA, .314 OBP, .283 SLG, .277 wOBA, 0.2 WAR
I think we can agree that these are two terrible offensive players. Of course, Player A is making, for the sake of a round number, about $20 million more this year than Player B. Player A is Vernon Wells who recently hit the disabled list with an acute case of suck that has spread throughout his body. While Player B is Juan Rivera who the Blue Jays DH and bat cleanup to "protect" baseball's best hitter Jose Bautista. I think this sums up where these players are in their careers...
Rivera set out to prove that sound effect correct Saturday night. Let's go to the tape...
Top 1st: Rivera struck out swinging against Nick Blackburn. It was a strike 'em out, throw 'em out with Bautista involved so I'll, begrudgingly, give Rivera a little benefit of the doubt on this one.
Top 3rd: Rivera struck out swinging against Blackburn again. No excuses this time.
Top 6th: Rivera struck out swinging against Blackburn. This, new readers, is what I like to call the MTD Hat Trick. That's when a player strikes out three times, the same way, against the same pitcher. It happened last year way more than I thought it would. But still, tell your friends. I'm trying to make it a thing.
Top 8th: Rivera struck out swinging against Matt Capps.
Credit where it's due, Rivera had the decency to get the Golden Sombrero in before extra innings so it doesn't feel tainted.