I got a lot of problems with you people!

(That title should've been said in Frank Costanza voice).

While watching game four of the NLCS tonight, I came across two problems with baseball commentators. Yes, Ron Darling always sounds like he has peanut butter in his mouth, but we'll get to that in a minute.


1. "He doesn't try to do too much"

That's a nice way of saying he CAN'T do too much. You think he's trying to ground a weak single to right field? If he could do more, he would.

1A.

And when did it become admirable to NOT DO TOO MUCH?

2. "A good situational hitter"

The term "situational hitter" is absolute nonsense. You're either a good hitter, an OK hitter or a bad hitter. The situation is whatever situation you are currently in. In the St. Louis seventh, Matt Holliday doubled leading off. Yadier Molina followed with a fly out to center and Holliday went to third. Peanutbutter Face said "that's good situational hitting." No, it certainly was not. No good hitter looks at a man at second with no one out and says "if I can just be a good situational hitter and fly out to center, he can get to third." Molina's situation was drive in the run, and he didn't do it.

This making outs to move runners up and the congratulatory flowers/assorted chocolates that follow garbage has got to end.

Albert Pujols Is The Machine After All

Any doubts about Albert Pujols being at least part robot should be put to rest. Worst case scenario is he has some T-1000 from Terminator 2 in him. Pujols, disabled since June 20th, is awaiting a midday exam to determine if the first baseman can return to the Cardinals lineup as early as tonight...

Pujols took ground balls and hit off a pitching machine Monday, implying his return is sooner than later. The three-time NL most valuable player has been on the disabled list since June 20 with a hairline fracture of the distal tip of his left radius. Whether he returns for tonight's game against the Cincinnati Reds or later this week, Pujols should be back much sooner than initial projections of four to six weeks.

"I can't wait to get back on the field," he said. "Hopefully, it can be (today). If it's not, whenever the time comes will be the right time to play."

Robo-Pujols hit the ground in agony after the dastardly attack by Wilson Betemit (disappointing baseball fans since 2001) on June 19th. Pujols disagreed with the MRI and CT scan declaring he felt he could play the day after sustaining the injury. He continued to deny feeling any pain (only the malfunctioning robots like Johnny 5 can even feel emotional pain) and Tony La Russa recently announced Pujols wouldn't need a rehab assignment after being cleared to return.

Even if Pujols returns tonight, he won't participate in this year's All Star Game next week. Pujols got off to a slow start in his ballyhooed contract season. The slugger has 17 homers and a .279/.355/.500 line, all of which are well below career averages. Perhaps he just needed a shock to the system or some time off for rewiring. Either way, Pujols looks to return far sooner than any mere mortal could.



I turned 31 and I've had this pain in my hip for like a year now. Come on science, I'm falling apart here.

So, The Cardinals Season Can Get Worse

St. Louis fans have had it pretty rough already this season. The Cards were unable to reach a new deal with Albert Pujols before the season started and are now faced with the pending Apocalypse if Pujols actually leaves in free agency. I'd certainly be nervous if I was a Cards fan but I think they find a way to keep the best hitter in baseball. They can always sell the Arch to zee Germans for some extra cash. Germans like shiny things (I've given up on even trying to use accurate stereotypes).

Then their ace, Adam Wainwright, is forced to undergo Tommy John surgery and will miss at least 2011. There goes approximately five wins off of the Cardinals season total. Kyle McClellan had a fine season out of the pen but he's not throwing a 2.27 ERA in the rotation. Sorry I had to break that to you, Kyle's parents.

If matters couldn't get any worse, Nick Punto hit the disabled list with a sports hernia. Don't worry, his projected 0.2 WAR should be back by the end of April and he'll resume his duty of weighing down the right side of the bench.

But then, after going 3-4 with a home run in the opener, Matt Holliday underwent an appendectomy today...

"We’ll make a determination. It could be something like six or seven days, or it could be more," general manager John Mozeliak said shortly before Holliday entered surgery. "We don’t know at this point. We certainly will know more later."

Six or seven days seems awfully optimistic. The more realistic timetable appears to be two or three weeks. PECOTA called for a 29 homer, .311/.389/.536 season for Holliday so even missing 15-20 games is a pretty big blow. In house replacements, John Jay and Allen Craig, don't inspire much confidence and I haven't played right field since I was eight and terrified of flying objects. Not that the Cardinals have called me...yet.

Jim Edmonds Delays His Hall Of Fame Argument

Thanks to Twitter and Fangraphs, one of the most popular things for baseball fans to is argue over a player's Hall of Fame candidacy years and years before said player appears on a ballot. After some careful research, I've concluded everyone is always wrong about everything. No matter how much time is spent on analysis, there is going to be some yahoo who still thinks pitcher wins and RBI determine the greatness of a player. We might as well just open the Hall of Debate.

For Jim Edmonds though, it looks like his five year countdown to gracing a ballot won't start for another year. Edmonds recently inked a minor league deal with the Cardinals that included an invitation to Spring Training...

Where Edmonds fits into the Cardinals' roster is unclear.

The team Will Carry several bench/outfielders into spring training, including Allen Craig and Jon Jay. Craig, a righthanded hitter, will also get playing time at third base. Jay, a lefthanded batter, can play all three outfield positions. Jay not only is the incumbent for the role that Edmonds could ostensibly take, Jay also has Edmonds' signature No. 15.

The 40-year-old missed all of the 2009 season and spent time with the Brewers and Reds in 2010. In 272 plate appearances, Edmonds hit 11 home runs and a .276/.342/.504 line. His 2.8 WAR was over a win more than Jay and Craig combined. I always liked Edmonds and was sad to see him leave Anaheim. But Adam Kennedy was a beast in that 2002 run to the championship.

It's never too early, right? If Edmonds were to retire today, would his resume pass the Hall of Fame eyeball test?

Jim Edmonds
393 HR, .284 AVG, .376 OBP, .537 SLG, .383 wOBA, 68.1 WAR

He has a case. But if Tim Raines can't get in, I wouldn't start writing a speech just yet. Baseball-Reference lists Ellis Burks, Duke Snider and Andruw Jones as Edmonds' closest comps. And of course, here is their cumulative WAR Grid by age.


Snider is in the Hall. Burks debuted and fell off of the ballot in 2010. Edmonds and Jones will have some pretty interesting cases. Jones was really, really good before mysteriously and completely falling apart. I did see him a little too often at the Pink Pony in Atlanta now that I think about it.

I'd have to think long and hard about giving Edmonds my imaginary vote but right now I'm leaning Hall of Famer. Plus, who knows what metrics we'll be using in five or six years or if we'll be enslaved by robots by then.

Pujols Will Veto Any Trade, Now Give Him All Of Your Money

Albert Pujols has already set a spring training deadline to get an extension signed with the Cardinals and now he has apparently made it clear that he won't be approving a trade this year either...

Sources tell Buster Olney of ESPN.com that Pujols will not accept any trade proposal. And with his 10 and 5 rights, he has every right to do so. There’s always the chance he could change his mind, but we should probably assume that he’ll be a Cardinal this season no matter what.

Obviously the Cardinals are going to have to fork over a ton of cash to keep Pujols long term. The SportsDome suggested giving him a working key to the city. But I'm sure they can raise enough funds by putting the Arch on Craigslist or adding a "Pujols tax" to every bottle of Bud Light.

In his first 10 years in the league, Pujols has racked up 80.6 Wins Above Replacement. To put that into perspective, let's look at my favorite tool at Fangraphs, the War Graph. Here's Pujols' cumulative WAR by age compared to some guy named Stan Musial and former Yankee pinch hitter Lou Gehrig. Click to embiggen.



The 31-year-old slugger has 408 home runs and a career .331/.426/.624 line. That's such a good looking line it wouldn't even let me buy it a drink. Dave Cameron figured Pujols would be worth +42.5 WAR during a 10-year contract from 2012 through 2021. In cash, that would be about $267 million. Cameron also said somewhere (that guy is everywhere) that he wouldn't mind giving Pujols 10-years and $300 million considering the extra bump for being the entire franchise.

If he added $300 million to the $100M or so he's already made, he could finally buy Rhode Island and hunt hobos for sport in the off-season. Or was that my fantasy? Either way, that's a lot of money.

Bonus WAR Math: Pujols career WAR through 2011 80.6 + 2011 projection of 7.5 + Cameron's 2012-2021 projection 42.5 = 130.6

That would be good for 12th place all time, ahead of Gehrig and behind Eddie Collins.

The Strange Case Of Tony La Russa And Colby Rasmus

Cardinals' center fielder Colby Rasmus can't seem to find his way into the lineup recently. And your guess why is as good as his since he proclaimed himself healthy following a calf injury. La Russa, however, still refuses to plug him back into the lineup even though Rasmus was on yesterday's original card. Is it just precautionary health measures?...

"When a guy's ready, you give him one more day just to have that peace of mind."

Which doesn't sound weird, except for the part about Rasmus being in the original lineup that was posted for two hours. Rasmus didn't make it an issue after the game, but reading between the lines most writers covering the Cardinals seem convinced that his relationship with La Russa has gotten very bad.

So what's really going on here? How did the relationship get to be so fractured? TLR rationalizes it's an approach problem for the young outfielder...

"He's had all the work," La Russa said. "He's never backed off the work, taking batting practice. I think it all has to do with what his concentration is, and what his focus is. I do believe that -- you just watch his swings in batting practice and in the game -- I think he is convinced that he helps us more if he just yanks the ball out of the park. That normally is not the case, because you're limiting yourself to a side of the park and you're vulnerable to too many pitches. We really push, 'Just play the game.' That's what Jon [Jay] does. He plays the game. take a single, take a walk, let the home runs come."

So Colby isn't getting at bats because he doesn't 'just play the game' like Jon Jay does? Rasmus is hitting .268/.352/.501 which might not look as good as Jon Jay's .330/.379/.481 at first glance. But Jay's .376 BABIP compared to Rasmus' .341 suggests Jay has been more lucky at the plate. Plus Rasmus has a better BB% (11.4) than Jay (7.0) which should offset some of the perceived OBP discrepancy.

It doesn't end there though. I completely agree with Vivo El Birdos that this isn't a Rasmus vs. Jay argument. There is room for both of them in the outfield and the lineup. There is something else going on here. This seems like a perfect time for some wild and careless speculation.

1. Inappropriate joke about Colby Rasmus and one of TLR's estranged daughters. Preferably the 25-year-old but you guys can do what ever you want with this one.

2. Rasmus drank the last of TLR's Jack Daniels and he had to drive home sober. *takes shot, bangs gong*

3. Rasmus' -4.5 UZR in center field is simply unacceptable. This is the least likely unless TLR figured out his dial-up password and stumbled onto FanGraphs.

Double Shot Of The Night

Shot Of The Night is Off Base Percentage's toast to a player who had an exceptionally good or bad night. There's always a reason to drink.

I was stuck in Baton Rouge for the past two nights and had some difficulty "borrowing" the Internet from neighbors so I owe you guys a couple of shots. Plus I'll have one up later. What are we waiting for? Let's get drunk.

June 30th

Wednesday's shot of the night was King's Gold: 2 oz Crown Royal® Canadian whisky,
2 oz Goldschlager® cinnamon schnapps. And it's in honor of Felix Hernandez.

All King Felix did was throw a 2 hit shutout against the Yankees while striking out 11. A-Rod, Capt'n Jetes and Teixeira all struck out twice as Derwood invented new profanity. Just disturbing stuff. Derwood thought he was getting off the hook since I didn't have online capabilities but he underestimated my desire to toast to Yankee failures.

Honorable Mention: Vlad Guerrero
The Shot of the Night giveth and taketh away. Just as I was enjoying the Yankees' failures, Big Daddy Vladdy laid his vengeance upon his former team, my beloved Angels. Vlad went 4-4 with 2 home runs (1 grand slam) and 5 RBI. Hideki Matsui went 0-3 with a walk and a strikeout and I drank myself to sleep.

July 1st

Last night's shot of the night was a Gut Buster: 1 oz Bacardi® 151 rum, 1 oz Bushmills® Irish whiskey, 1 oz Hennessy® cognac, 1 oz Aftershock® Hot & Cool cinnamon schnapps, 1 oz Aftershock® Cool Citrus mint schnapps, 1 oz vodka. I got hammered reading just that. Who is drinking that? Anyway, it's in honor of Buster Posey.

Posey went 2-4 with a home run but he gets toasted for getting the 800 pound gorilla off of his back. That's not a metaphor. The Giants finally traded Bengie Molina and his .284 wOBA to the Rangers, opening the door for Posey to take his rightful spot as the Giants everyday catcher.

Honorable Mention: Yadier Molina
In my attempt to make this the Molina'd shot of the night ever, I give you Yadier Molina's 0-4 night. And he did that on a mere 9 pitches. Dude just loves to catch. To put that in context, Blake Hawksworth (Cardinal pitcher, for those of you who aren't his parents) saw more pitches in his 2 at bats than Yadier had all game.

Mark Mulder Kinda Officially Retiring To Focus On Golf

It's hard to believe that a 32-year-old, once dominant, left-handed pitcher can't get work in the majors leagues. But Mark Mulder has battled injuries and made only three starts in 2007 and one in 2008 for less than stellar results. Even the great Dave Duncan hasn't been able to resurrect one of Oakland's formerly great trio. In five years in Oakland, Mulder went 81-42 with an ERA+ of 114. So maybe he wasn't that dominant except for wins. Mulder was dealt to the Cardinals for a package that included Dan Haren and had one good season in 2007 before it all fell apart.

Mulder tried to mount a comeback but it looks like that's all over so he can focus on golf...

"I guess I am [retired]," he told FanHouse on Monday. "I haven't touched a baseball since February."

Instead he's playing golf, dominating amateur tournaments around Arizona and the West.

Mulder has played nine tournaments on the Golf Channel Amateur Tour, and he's won six of them. Over the weekend he won one of the tour's "major" events, the Western Open in Scottsdale, Ariz.

That's not the best part of the Fanhouse article. He tried training with a javelin throwing instructor in Europe to rehab his shoulder. Everybody knows you go to Africa for good javelin instruction. I would have like to see Mulder try some other new methods. Perhaps training with some rock-throwing Iraqi children or pick-pocketing Mexican children. Come for the baseball, stay for the stereotypes I make up about foreign kids.

Most baseball players turn to a second profession after their playing days are over. Analyst, announcer, golfer. But none will ever beat my hero Kent Merker who decided to turn to turning vodka into urine. And I've been doing that for free for so long!