Can Kevin Youkilis Survive Deep Dish Pizza?

By now, you've heard all about former Red Sock third bagger, Greek god of walks, bald guy, Kevin Youkilis, having a falling out with Boston and getting shipped to the lighter colored socks franchise for some stuff. While there were rumors about Youk's health and relationship with new Boston manager, Bobby Valentine (possibly a crazy person), the Boston faithful gave him a proper curtain call.

There are plenty of sports media sites than analyzed the trade and wondered if the Sawx got enough in return or graded the outcome. Well, I'm not that kind of blog. We care about the important things. Will Youkilis enjoy playing in a deep dish pizza city?

The man has that certain physique that says "I'll stab you for that last slice" and playing against the Yankees frequently must have led to several post game pizza parties. After years of New York style pizza, can Youk adjust to a pie that looks more like a cake?



More importantly, did White Sox GM Kenny Williams even consider if Youkilis' body would reject deep dish pizza before making the trade? I can't be sure as the White Sox organization has blocked several of my email accounts after I wanted to know what kind of hot dogs Adam Dunn was eating last year.

But we will find out soon enough. Maybe Youkilis prefers deep dish pizza and has a monster second half of the season. Maybe too much dough kills him. This is obviously a better question for projection type people like the Fangraphs staff. Who have also blocked most of my email accounts.

My guess is the increase in carbs will likely make a slow runner into a jogger. It's a slippery slope from there that often results in a daytime talk show host having a wall removed from your house to rescue you. Deep dish pizza can ruin lives.

I'm rooting for Youk. And he might need it. His mental state is still a little fragile after his first game after the trade...

"I know where I'm at," Youkilis said. "I'll go to the hotel room, wake up, put clothes on, and not worry about packing clothes and all that other stuff."

Sounds like the man on the verge of a pizza binge if you ask me.

Tim Wakefield Records 2,000th Red Sox Strikeout

To show that I'm not completely insensitive to round numbers, I will now attempt to write more words about Tim Wakefield striking out 2,000 hitters as a Red Sock than I wrote about Derek Jeter's 3,000th hit. And that should do it. See, my 40-ish word summation of Jeter's accomplishment was less about hating on him or the Yankees and more about our weird pedestaling of round numbers.

Well, obviously, 3,000 hits is more significant than 2,000 strikeouts with one team but the fans of round numbers were on their feet and clapping like circus seals Sunday night after Wakefield struck out Matt Carp (Adam Dunn struck out watching the highlight). Wake joins Roger Clemens as the only two pitchers to record 2,000 strikeouts as Red Sox. It only took the knuckelballer four more seasons (17-13) in Beantown to get to that meaningless number.

Much like Clemens, Wakefield also racked up some K numbers outside of Boston. He recorded 210 in Pittsburgh for 2,210 so far in his career. Clemens dabbled in a few more cities and finished with 4,672 strikeouts so you can see the similarities between the two.

Boston manager Terry Francona wasn't even sure how to handle such a monumental milestone...

“So not quite sure how to react to that,’’ Francona said. “I was thrilled people were showing their appreciation. I just kind of sit there and say, ‘I’ll shake his hand when he comes out.’ ’’

That happened in the seventh, when Wakefield gave up four consecutive hits, capped by Ryan’s second career slam. Still, it didn’t stop the crowd from treating Wakefield to another standing ovation.

“I’d like to have that seventh inning back,’’ said Wakefield, who acknowledged it was difficult to collect himself after all the adulation over the 2,000th strikeout. “I was very fortunate that we were able to score 12 runs today, which made it a lot easier."

Not exactly the dominant performance you'd expect from such a highly skilled strikeout artist. Oh well. Wakefield will have a chance for another standing ovation soon as he's sitting at 199 career wins. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to attempt my 200th nap of the season, joining other legends Connie Mack, Garfield and Andy Capp.

Boston Tries To Refuse The Proletariat Booze

Heading into the 2011 season, the Boston Red Sox would like to expand the availability of mixed alcoholic beverages throughout Fenway Park instead of just offering proper cocktails to the eye-monocle-wearing premium seat owners. That's right, even the blue collar worker enjoys the occasional Old Fashioned or Jager bomb. But the city of Boston, led by the police force, is afraid of what might happen if somebody was giving booze to these god damn things. From The Globe...

Representatives of the Red Sox told the Boston Licensing Board last week that the team wants the right to sell mixed drinks, in addition to beer, “at a limited number of stations’’ throughout the 37,000-seat stadium and on Yawkey Way. Currently, hard liquor is available mainly at refreshment stands serving fans with upper-level premium seats.

The proposal appeared to surprise Boston police and a representative of the mayor, prompting the three-member board to postpone a vote until after a second hearing, scheduled for next Wednesday.

Typical Bostonian snobbery, ain't that right Tawmmy? What's the worst that can happen, you fall off the back of the Monstah again?

Not to side with the government on this one, but my guess is that most of the cheap seat owners could blow a .18 before stepping foot inside Fenway. But later in the article, it says that the mixed drinks won't contain any more alcohol than the beer sold there. That's just nonsense. If I'm going to try to fight Gary Sheffield again, I'll just stick with my flask of moonshine, thank you.

Red Sox Make Carl Crawford Super Rich

After tonight's Carl Crawford coup and the Adrian Gonzalez trade, I imagine Theo Epstein is smoking a Cuban cigar and drinking a 30-year-old single malt scotch while strippers peel off Red Sox uniforms except for the knee high socks. I knew I should have gone to Yale or high school. Just days after the Red Sox traded for the biggest non-free agent bat in Gonzalez, Boston signed Crawford to a seven-year, $142 million contract. Only Manny Ramirez has ever signed a more lucrative deal as an outfielder when he raked in $160 million from, um, the Red Sox.

Epstein still has to sign Gonzalez to an extension which will also easily clear the $100 million mark. It also turns out that the Red Sox were one of the mystery teams that offered Cliff Lee seven years. It must be rough for Theo to throw around all of John Henry's Monopoly money with his fancy Ivy League degree and shiny World Series rings.

Now would probably be a good time to remind you that I'm a very bitter Angels fan. With Crawford off the market to the Red Sox, the Yankees, Rangers and maybe the Angels will start spewing dollars and years at Cliff Lee like a 14-year-old after a fifth of Peppermint Schnapps. Tis the season.

It's anybody's guess but I think the Yankees will go to seven years and sign Cliff Lee. The Angels appear to be the entire market for Adrian Beltre now and could also afford to throw cash at Rafael Soriano. The Rangers, not to be left empty handed, have the pieces to make a strong push for a Zach Greinke trade.

Red Sox Get Gonzalez After Two Year Pursuit

While it seemed as inevitable as the Yankees re-signing Derek Jeter, the Red Sox finally made the deal to land their coveted slugging first baseman in Adrian Gonzalez. The Padres won a surprising 90 games in 2010 but rode out their plan to ship Gonzalez off before he became a free agent after the 2011 season. The Padres made the right move in dealing Gonzalez in the off-season to collect a greater haul of prospects and this most certainly puts the writing on the wall for the future of Heath Bell in San Diego. Although, the Padres might wait until the trade deadline approaches to move their closer because there should be more teams bidding on arms for a playoff push.

What This Means For Adrian Gonzalez
There is one and only one drawback for Gonzalez in this deal. He no longer gets to live in San Diego. The Red Sox are and always have been the ideal landing spot for the slugger. In his five years of playing half of his games in the cavernous Petco Park, he still managed to hit 161 home runs and average a .288/.374/.514 line. With Fenway's short porch in right field, Gonzalez should see a nice tick upwards in his slugging numbers. He also becomes a very rich man. The Sox will, presumably, extend him seven years for around $170 million.

What This Means For Boston
The Red Sox have coveted Gonzalez for two years after it became clear that the Padres had no shot at retaining him with free agency looming. Plugging Gonzalez in at first will move Kevin Youklis to third while urging Adrian Beltre not to let the door hit him on the ass on the way out. The Sox also had to hand over a nice package of prospects from a deep if not great system. Casey Kelly, Anthony Rizzo and Reymond Fuentes are three of the top six or seven prospects in Boston's system plus San Diego will receive what's behind curtain number three in a player to be named later. The move certainly sparks a fun debate about which infield is better between the Sox and the Yanks. I figure Jeter and Marco Scuturo are about a wash.

What This Means For San Diego
The Padres managed to not get all delusional after last season's surprising push for the playoffs and kept their game plan on track. It must have been tempting to take another run with Gonzalez and move him at the deadline if they fell back to earth. But they made the smart move and dealt him when they could get the most bang for their lack of bucks. In Casey Kelly, they get Boston's top pitching prospect who was already pitching at Double A as a 20-year-old. Anthony Rizzo might be the heir apparent to Gonzalez at first base. As a 21-year-old in Double A, he hit 20 home runs and a .263/.334/.481 line. Reymond Fuentes is a toolsy outfielder and the cousin of Carlos Betran. At just 19-years-old, he stole 42 bases during his A ball season. The Padres will certainly deal Heath Bell at some point during the season to continue their youth movement.

BBA AL Connie Mack Award Ballot

Baseball's award season is upon us and we finally have a vote that counts for something this year. We're proud members of the Baseball Blogger Alliance and they've been kind enough to give us ballots. The only thing the BBWAA ever gave us was the stink eye when we saw them on the subway that one time. Today we'll be unveiling our AL Connie Mack Ballot for manager of the year.

1. Terry Francona
Despite Boston missing the playoffs, I'm giving Tito the slight nod over Ron Washington because he somehow managed the Red Sox to an 89-73 record in baseball's toughest division without core players. The Sox lost their entire outfield, their MVP second baseman, Mike Lowell turned 127, Big Papi had his usual godawful start and Jonathan Papelbon melted down. Paps led the AL in blown saves with 8 and, if that wasn't enough, Daniel Bard was tied for second with 7. I don't know what Tito was doing in Boston this year and even if I found out it was voodoo, I'd still give him the credit for it.

2. Ron Washington
Washington's Rangers managed to unseat the Angels from atop the AL West. He got an MVP season out of Josh Hamilton, a big rebound year from Vlad Guerrero, a break out performance from CJ Wilson and barely had to worry about bullpen management as Neftali Feliz set the rookie saves record. All of the stars aligned perfectly for him. It also didn't hurt that Seattle was terrible, Oakland was just a .500 club and the Angels started Brandon Wood.

3. Ron Gardenhire
It infuriates me to see Gardy go do something like sac bunt in the first inning but he constantly has the Twins in the playoffs. This year he did so despite losing Justin Morneau half way through an MVP caliber season and Joe Nathan for the season. He even got 221 solid innings out of Carl Pavano without him turning back into a pumpkin. I suspect that might have been voodoo too though. Gardy won the Central by 6 games over the White Sox after it looked like it could be a close race.

Yip Free Saltalamacchia Set To Debut With Red Sox

Theo Epstein finally got the catcher he has coveted for years for a somewhat bargain price. Raise your hand if you're surprised. Epstein had been after once-upon-a-time elite prospect Jarrod Saltalamacchia for years and finally swung a deal for him this year at the trade deadline when his value was close to its lowest. Salty was sent to Triple A at the beginning of the season and was raking for a little while. He would have been called up to the big club if it wasn't for his Rube Baker syndrome. In one game, Salty threw 12 errant balls toward the mound like my friend's 3-year-old throws ping pong balls. That kid is terrible at beer pong.

Salty went to a sports psychiatrist for his yips and it might have worked. But at the cost of his slash line, which tumbled. At the trade deadline, Theo jumped at the opportunity to acquire him on the cheap. Tomorrow Salty will make his debut behind the plate for the Red Sox in an attempt to show he just needed a fresh start...

"I'm excited for a fresh start," Saltalamacchia said. "There's a lot to look forward to and I'm just excited to be here. I'm going to learn as much as I can, take this all in and use every opportunity I get.

"I'm excited to be in an organization where they want me. They gave up a lot to get me and I'm ready to do whatever they want me to do."

Red Sox scouts watched him closely to make sure the yips were a thing of the past. He seems to be okay and I'm sure if he has a misfire the Boston fans and media won't blow it out of proportion. They're cool like that.

The Crisis In Boston

The Red Sox haven't exactly been lucky in the health department this year. The outfield was so decimated by injuries that the Sox had to resort to undrafted prospects, beer vendors and your cousin Tawmmy. But they were able to make do because the heart and soul of the Sox, Dustin Pedroia, could will them to victory using only his scrapiness and clutchiness. Bad news swept over Boston last night like Black Death overtook Crimea in 1346. Dustin Pedroia broke his foot and might miss up to six weeks. Ahhhh. Everybody take cover under your school desk, the sky is falling.

Don't worry Boston, I'm going to help you come up with some possible replacements while Pedroia rests at home in that tree where he bakes cookies in the offseason.

Tom Brady

Positives: good arm, knows how to apply eye black, veteran leader

Negatives: wore a Yankees hat, I can stop there right?

Chase Utley

Positives: best second baseman in baseball, he's also white which means he's scrappy, grows similar facial hair

Negatives: Phillies probably won't trade him unless their owner needs to finance a Broadway play

Joe Morgan

Positives: Bill James calls him the greatest second baseman in the history of baseball, don't have to give up prospects

Negatives: seems to have gone completely insane over the past decade or so

Rajon Rondo

Positives: young, athletic, handles a ball well, has the rest of the summer off

Negatives: terrified of goatees and couldn't play that close to Youkilis

Cam Neely

Positives: will bring Denis Leary to drink with everybody after the game

Negatives: can barely move anymore

Denis Leary

Positives: will bring Cam Neely to drink with everybody after the game, will out-swear your mother, hates Kobe

Negatives: poor cardio from smoking 48 out of 52 years, Rescue Me is based in New York