Editor's Meeting

MTD lives in New Orleans and Derwood built a cabin out of sticks and mud in Conyers, so occasionally they have to communicate through text message. Here's the latest back-and-forth entitled "Jose Canseco, Part 17".



MTD (4:06 p.m.): Oh.My.God. The Yuma Scorpions have hired Jose Canseco as a player-manager. Ozzie will also be a coach. This is the best thing that's happened to me in a week.

Derwood Morris (4:07 p.m.): Four things: 1. Outstanding. 2. How can we get tickets and/or a minority stake in the franchise? 3. Who the hell are the Yuma Scorpions? 4. OUTSTANDING.

MTD (4:09 p.m.): I'm thinking a couple hundred gets us an ownership stake. I'll look into it.

DM (4:11 p.m.): How long do you give him before he pencils two Cansecos on the lineup card, 1-2 in the order?

MTD (4:14 p.m.): One game. It appears they are owned by Diamond Sports & Entertainment, which might be an Arizona porn company.

DM (4:17 p.m.): With apologies to Cousin Eddie, the Jelly of the Month Club is not the gift that keeps on giving the whole year. It's Jose Canseco.

MTD (4:20 p.m.): I would buy a subscription to those games online.

DM (4:21 p.m.): I may move to Yuma.

MTD (4:24 p.m.): Shit, me too. I hear Yuma is lovely.

DM (4:28 p.m.): Over/under games managed by Ozzie for various reasons?

MTD (4:32 p.m.): Ozzie is serving as player/catcher-hitting coach. But, depending on Jose's prior commitments, like fighting an ostrich in Mexico, Ozzie probably manages a dozen or so games.

DM (4:34 p.m.): The ostrich will be starting in right field by May 2nd.

MTD (4:38 p.m.): Seriously, let's relocate Offbase headquarters to Yuma. Plus if we lived in Yuma, there's a good shot I'd finally get to play right field again after a disastrous season when I was 8.

DM (4:42 p.m.): The ostrich will have RF locked down by then, but you can battle Ozzie, my Uncle Ernie and a poster of Danny Tartabull for the 4th outfielder spot.

MTD (4:50 p.m.): I'm not sure how this got started, but now I want an ostrich farm when I get to Yuma. OK, over/under Jose home runs?

DM (4:55 p.m.): That depends on if the field has a fence. If it has a fence, I say 10 real, 32 imaginary.

Watch Canseco Lose A Home Run Contest

Jose Canseco has become somewhat of a mascot for us here at Off Base. What can I say? I have a soft spot for wildly delusional lunatics. Canseco was our third choice, though, after we found out the Noid has a serious cocaine problem and Clara Peller died in 1987.

Even though Canseco believes he could still DH and lead the AL in home runs, no major league team offered him a job. Baffling, because he seems like he'd be a sweetheart of a teammate and wouldn't draw any unwanted attention to the franchise. Or steal training equipment.

So Canseco is taking his slugging prowess to the glamorous world of travel softball. In this video that he tweeted today, Canseco takes on hillbilly softball legend (if that's a real thing) Jeff Hall in a home run contest.



I love Jose Canseco but I really hope this softball thing doesn't work out for him because I'm pretty sure his next career move would be cage fighting an ostrich.