Golden Sombrero: Jarrod Saltalamacchia

The Miami Marlins flew into Anaheim last night to kick off a three game set with the Los Angeles Angels. On Garrett Richards Wade LeBlanc night last night, they kicked the shit out of the Angels, 7-1, dropping three runs in the third inning and another four in the fourth. Six of the runs were charged to Wade LeBlanc, a pitcher who the Angels should look into replacing as of last week.

Oswaldo Arcia's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). 

We will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Strike outs!

It had been a while since Off Base had picked apart a hitter's failures at the plate, but Friday Minnesota's Oswaldo Arcia struck out a whole bunch at the House That Boone Logan Built.

First, let's see how many different ways we can misspell/pronounce 'Oswaldo Arcia':

Hoswoldo Arsea
Oswaldiman Archeletta
Oswald Artsia
Old Halss Waldaborncia
Ozzie Canseco
Ozzie Garcia
Roy Oswalrcia
Ozzie & Waldo Garcia

OK.

In the second, Arcia faced Hiroki Kuroda, who recently was left off the American League all star team despite excellent numbers. As a Yankees fan I would've been outraged at Kuroda’s omission except that the all star game is really really stupid. Arcia struck out swinging.

The Twins had a runner at second with no outs in the 4th, but Kuroda got Arcia swinging again.

** Top of the 6th inning - Preston Claiborne vs. Oswaldo Arcia **

After the initial hysteria of Claiborne-Arcia I wore off, Claiborne picked up a swinging strike out.

In the eighth, Arcia completed his historic evening by going down looking against David Robertson.


One more: Oz Waldarcia

Jeff Francoeur's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Jeff Francoeur is on his way to the best season of his career since 2007 when he seemed to be a pretty good player. But he never figured out how to walk more than 6% of the time while striking out every 5 plate appearances. Despite that though, this is Frenchy's first golden sombrero with the Royals which shouldn't be a surprise if you knew the Royals routinely finish in the bottom 5 of team strike outs.

But last night, Francoeur couldn't help swinging and missing and for that, I thank him...

Top 1st: Francoeur struck out swinging against Gio Gonzalez. 3 pitches, all swinging. That's how I imagine I would strike out against a major league pitcher. Except my eyes would be closed and I'd be standing 8 feet or so away from the plate.

Top 3rd: Francoeur struck out swinging against Gonzalez. He worked a full count but dude just loves to swing.

Top 7th: Francoeur struck out swinging against Joey Devine. Hey look, former Braves teammates.

Top 9th: Francoeur struck out swinging against Grant Balfour. Yep, he wasn't even close to striking out looking.

Xavier Nady's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Your laptop dies for a week and you miss 15 golden sombreros. The golden sombrero used to be special but in this new era of terrible hitting and Charlie Morton, there's just a ton more guys swinging and missing. For full coverage, my good friend Mike does a great job of tracking these at The Golden Sombrero but I'll still try to make fun of as many as possible.

Xavier Nady was Wednesday night's lone giant hat wearer. It would have taken me at least 5 guesses before I got to Diamondbacks as Nady's 2011 team. Nady had a 3.2 WAR in 2008 but has otherwise been basically a replacement level guy. Slight tick above replacement level because his name is awesome. I like him because he strikes out a quarter of the time. Which eventual leads to this...

Bottom 2nd: Nady struck out looking against Madison Bumgarner. He took 3 straight balls before the 3 straight strikes. This might be my new favorite type of plate appearance.

Bottom 4th: Nady struck out swinging against Bumgarner. Nothing fancy about this one.

Bottom 6th: Nady struck out swinging against Bumgarner again. He fouled a pair off just to see what contact was like. He didn't much care for it.

Bottom 9th: Nady struck out swinging against Brian Wilson. 3 pitches. Fear of the beard is a real thing.

Grady Sizemore's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Starting in 2005, Grady Sizemore was one of the most exciting young players in baseball and looked like a future MVP. A legit 30-30 guy, Sizemore posted a 5.8 WAR in 2005, 8.0 in 2006, 6.2 in 2007 and 7.4 in 2008. In 2009, injuries started derailing his career. He made it to the plate just 140 time in 2010 and, with one DL trip in the books, ZiPS projects 378 plate appearances for 2011. And he wasted 4 of them on Sunday. But I feel bad for Grady so here's a sad dog wearing a sombrero.

Top 2nd: Sizemore struck out swinging against Jeremy Hellickson. To be fair, Hellickson had some pretty good stuff.

Top 4th: Sizemore struck out swinging against Hellickson again.

Top 7th: Sizemore struck out swinging against Hellickson. Sizemore struck out 3 times, the same way against the same pitcher which is an MTD Hat Trick. Why isn't this catching on yet? Somebody get Baseball Tonight on the phone.

Top 9th: Sizemore struck out looking against Cesar Ramos. Sizemore watched 3 straight pitches to end the game.

Paul Maholm's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

I missed writing up the 3 golden sombreros from Friday night because the weekend is when I meditate and focus on self-improvement. Or recover from hangovers if you want to be more specific/accurate. Plus my boy Mike at The Golden Sombrero does an excellent job recording every sombrero and it looks like we're going to have a ton of them again this season. But I won't miss the opportunity to write up a pitcher golden sombrero. There's something magical about them like a first kiss or remembering where you parked. I think it's because pitchers usually don't get 4 plate appearances in one game and there's a 74.3% chances they'll be bunting in one of the at bats.

But Pat Maholm on Saturday was just as terrible at the dish as he was brilliant on the mound. Maholm threw a 3-hit shutout while walking none and striking out 4. The same number of times he struck out at the plate. Just the perfect storm of dominance and futility. I'd totally send Paul an Off Base t-shirt if they weren't fictional. Let's check out Maholm's hitting prowess...

Top 3rd: Maholm struck out swinging against Randy Wells. He fouled one off and took two balls before going down swinging so better than what I would have done.

Top 4th: Maholm struck out swinging against Wells. Basically the same at bat he had in the previous inning.

Top 6th: Maholm struck out swinging against James Russell.

Top 8th: Maholm struck out looking against Scott Maine.

Adam Dunn's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Adam Dunn picked up his second golden sombrero of the year a mere five days after wearing his first. Dunn has been awful this season and that's probably being too generous. He leads baseball in strikeouts and there are only 14 qualified players with a worse WAR. His .186/.314/.346 line gets the old Brandon Wood nod of approval. Let's check out Dunn's day at the dish...

Top 1st: Dunn struck out looking against Brandon Morrow. Morrow walked Juan Pierre on four pitches to open the inning which I didn't realize was physically possible.

Top 4th: Dunn struck out swinging against Morrow.

Top 6th: Dunn struck out swinging against Morrow.

Top 8th: Dunn struck out swinging against Mark Rzepczynski.

Yikes. I wonder if he's even making contact during BP.

Adam Dunn's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

I'm more than willing to take the blame on Adam Dunn stinking up Chicago and most other ballparks this season. See, this is the first year I've ever drafted/owned Dunn in a fantasy league and I clearly ruined his career just like Madonna ruined Guy Ritchie. I was depending on him to boost my OBP and be my source of power. But with 4 homers and a .190/.308/.345 line, Dunn is a long way from his career averages. Of the Three True Outcomes, the only one Dunn still seems good at is striking out. And he put that on display Saturday. So grab a shot of tequila, it's sombrero time...

Bottom 1st: Dunn struck out swinging against Jon Garland. That's the same Jon Garland who has 24 strikeouts in 41.2 innings, so...

Bottom 3rd: Dunn struck out swinging against Garland again. Come on. You're kidding, right?

Bottom 4th: Dunn walked in an attempt to be at least a Two True Outcomes player. Just not in the Jose Bautista "home run or walk" way.

Bottom 6th: Dunn struck out swinging against Ramon Troncoso. Three pitches.

Bottom 8th: Dunn struck out looking against Lance Cormier. Three pitches.

The good news for Sox fans is that Gordan Beckham went 2-3 with a walk to improve his slash line to mostly terrible for the season.

Marlon Byrd's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

At least Marlon Byrd didn't commit one of the four errors that led to the Reds seven unearned runs on Tuesday. Not to be outdone by his teammates sloppy play though, Byrd managed to strikeout four times, seeing just 13 pitches. Dude was clearly in a hurry to get home to see who died on Glee. What? Oh no, the only reason I know about Glee is because I read Warming Glow.

Top 1st: Byrd struck out swinging against Edinson Volquez. Three pitches.

Top 4th: Byrd struck out swinging against Volquez. Three pitches.

Top 6th: Byrd struck out swinging against Volquez. Four pitches. He accidentally forgot to swing at one of the pitches and took a ball. But it was an MTD Hat Trick. He struck out three times, the same way, against the same pitcher.

Top 8th: Byrd struck out swinging against Jordan Smith. Three pitches.

Josh Willingham's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Josh Willingham is a more productive player than he seems. He's a really good OBP guy setting a career high .389 last season and has 20+ home run pop. He's basically a 2.5-3 WAR player based solely on his bat so trading for him made plenty of sense for the offense starved Athletics. Unfortunately, Oakland has a way of just sucking the production out of bats. Willingham has 6 homers but just a .228/.308/.409 line, all well below his career marks. Things didn't get any better Sunday. He struck out so much that even high school you would have been embarrassed for him...

Bottom 1st: Willingham struck out swinging against Mark Buehrle. He worked the count full before going down hacking.

Bottom 3rd: Willingham struck out looking against Buehrle. This one only took three pitches and he only participated in the second one.

Bottom 6th: Willingham struck out looking against Buehrle. Another full count so he at least tried to get his money's worth.

Bottom 7th: Willingham struck out swinging against Buehrle Jesse Crain. He completed the Sombrero with, you guessed it, another full count.

I should probably being keeping track of all the pitchers striking out the same batter three times in a game if I could remember how to use Excel or Access or had a better filing system than a shoe box full of bar napkins.

Juan Rivera's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

How about a little exercise in futility, kids?

Player A: 152 PA, 4 HR, .183 BA, .224 OBP, .303 SLG, .233 wOBA, -0.3 WAR
Player B: 137 PA, 2 HR, .217 BA, .314 OBP, .283 SLG, .277 wOBA, 0.2 WAR

I think we can agree that these are two terrible offensive players. Of course, Player A is making, for the sake of a round number, about $20 million more this year than Player B. Player A is Vernon Wells who recently hit the disabled list with an acute case of suck that has spread throughout his body. While Player B is Juan Rivera who the Blue Jays DH and bat cleanup to "protect" baseball's best hitter Jose Bautista. I think this sums up where these players are in their careers...



Rivera set out to prove that sound effect correct Saturday night. Let's go to the tape...

Top 1st: Rivera struck out swinging against Nick Blackburn. It was a strike 'em out, throw 'em out with Bautista involved so I'll, begrudgingly, give Rivera a little benefit of the doubt on this one.

Top 3rd: Rivera struck out swinging against Blackburn again. No excuses this time.

Top 6th: Rivera struck out swinging against Blackburn. This, new readers, is what I like to call the MTD Hat Trick. That's when a player strikes out three times, the same way, against the same pitcher. It happened last year way more than I thought it would. But still, tell your friends. I'm trying to make it a thing.

Top 8th: Rivera struck out swinging against Matt Capps.

Credit where it's due, Rivera had the decency to get the Golden Sombrero in before extra innings so it doesn't feel tainted.

What The Hell, Mark Reynolds?

I've always had a soft spot for Mark Reynolds because he swings and misses with great vengeance and furious anger. But something strange has happened during Reynolds' move from the NL West to the AL East. He's cutting back on the whiffs. Thirty-five games in to the 2011 season and Reynolds has a mere two three-strikeout games and nary a Golden Sombrero. And I'm starting to panic.

While Reynolds has cut his strikeout rate from 42.3% in 2010 to 32.2% this season, the rest of his stats are just as terrible as usual and he's stopped hitting for power. His .174/.287/.313 is the worst of his career as is his .139 ISO. Even his .221 BABIP is a career low, so hopefully he's been a little unlucky this year. But almost half way through May and only 37 strikeouts to his name, Reynolds looks doubtful to reach the 200 K plateau that he's hit each of the past three seasons. I mean last year he even had more strikeouts (211) than batting average points (.198).

Of course, Reynolds could still achieve that feat again because he might hit .160 this season. Without the thrill of the big home runs and strikeouts, Reynolds is just a below replacement level third baseman and a player even the Orioles shouldn't be penciling into the line-up. So please, Mark, for the sake of everyone, start closing your eyes and taking monstrous hacks again. We miss you.

BJ Upton's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

What a difference a day made for Bossman Junior. Less than 24 hours after a walk-off home run followed by the celebratory chocolate and whip cream pie to the face, Upton picked up the Golden Sombrero in a rather spectacular fashion. He got rung up looking thrice and was none too happy about it. He had to be physically restrained from umpire Chad Fairchild who ejected Upton in the ninth as well as Jay's manager John Farrell in the seventh. Joe West also took part, ejecting Rays manager Joe Maddon in the seventh. I think somebody got into the tequila a little early yesterday.

Let's see what drew the ire of the elder Upton...

Bottom 2nd: Upton struck out swinging against Brandon Morrow. 3 pitches. It's not like his day got off to a great start.

Bottom 4th: Upton struck out looking against Morrow. This was a called strike on a 3-2 count.

Bottom 6th: Upton struck out looking against Morrow again. Another called strike but on a 1-2 count.

Bottom 9th: Upton struck out looking against Frank Francisco. He took all three strikes looking but this is the one that set him off. He was tossed and threw everything he could get his hands on while making his exit. Personally, I'd like to see more of that after a good Golden Sombrero.

Jack Cust's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.


MTD continues to work on his novel Where Are My Shoes?, so I'm back to handle some people striking out a lot. Wednesday, in Seattle's 10-1 win over Detroit, it was Jack Cust, who was like my old little league teammate Scott Gerard. We'd win 17-5 and Scott would strike out three times, ground into a double play and make four errors in left field. Jack Cust is Scott Gerard.


Justin Verlander strikes out a lot of people, so it's not a surprise when he K's eight Mariners in six innings. Only problem for Cust was, he was half of the strike outs. Let's take a look at the carnage.

1st inning - Right after Justin Smoak ripped a three-run home run to give Seattle the lead, Cust ran the count full before taking a look at strike 3.

4th - Cust led off the inning with a swinging strike out. Seattle ownership beginning to re-think late-July's Jack Cust Bobblehead Day.

5th - The M's got a run on Miguel Olivo's sacrifice fly (Olivo!), then Smoak walked to put runners at first and third. Cust followed with his third whiff as he watched a Verlander pitch go by for the third out of the inning.

8th - Ladies and gentleman, Al Alburquerque! The man with one of the greatest names in baseball history, struck out the side and Cust was the last of the three, his third backwards K of the night.

Brett Gardner's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.


Brett Gardner had a really good 2010 season for the Yankees as a speedy left-handed hitter, putting together a .383 on-base percentage and collecting a 4.5 WAR. He was assured a job out of spring training and was even going to lead off against right-handed pitchers.

I'm not sure what happened leading up to the month of April, but it's possible Gardner wasn't notified the season had begun. Or maybe he just stopped bringing his bat to the plate with him, I don't know, I haven't seen every Yankees game. Either way, something is wrong in Brett Gardner Land (population: dozens of called strikes), and Sunday against the Orioles was the left fielder's toughest day at the plate in a month full of tough days at the plate.


Let's sample the cool breezes at Camden Yards.

2nd inning - Gardner strikes out looking against Jake Arrieta.

4th inning - Gardner again strikes out looking against Arrieta.

Fake Jake Arrieta quote in toned-down KenHarrelsonVoice™: "he gone."

9th inning - You know the old saying: sometimes there's just too much Kevin Gregg to handle, and Gardner finds thought out the smelly way, fanning on four pitches.

11th inning - Jason Berken gets a four-pitch swinging K.


[*Note* While Gardner's offense has been Simply Espinozian through the season's first month (.154/.214/.288 slash line coming into Sunday's game), he did make a great catch to end the bottom of the eighth inning and keep a game tied the Yankees would go on to win in 11. Contributions.]

Sam Fuld's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

The legend of Sam Fuld continues as he became the most recent leadoff hitter to record the golden sombrero. Fuld is hitting .365/.407/.541 this season, already good for a 1.2 WAR. But he ran in to the buzzsaw known as Ricky Romero for one pretty unproductive Easter Sunday...

Top 1st: Fuld struck out swinging against Romero.

Top 2nd: Fuld struck out looking against Romero. Fuld doesn't always get a sombrero, but when he does he likes to change things up.

Top 5th: Fuld struck out swinging against Romero.

Top 8th: Fuld struck out swinging against Marc Rzepczynski.

To be honest, this was a rather bland golden sombrero. Fuld worked the counts a little and just had one of those days. I prefer my futility to have bells and whistles. If you're going to strike out four times in one game, have the decency to do it in 12 pitches.

Ryan Howard Has Another Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Death, taxes and Ryan Howard Golden Sombreros. I've managed to avoid two of those so far. But Howard just can't seem to stop racking up strikeouts once he steps into the batter's box. Howard apparently enjoyed wearing the giant hat so much on Thursday that he just had to sport it again. I try to do something special for every Howard four strike out gem, so here's a picture of B.A. Baracus wearing a sombrero.

Just after that photo was taken, Face chloroformed him to sleep so the A-Team could fly him to Arkansas to help a mom and pop restaurant battle a surprisingly well armed landlord. But about Howard...

Top 2nd: Howard struck out looking against Tim Stauffer. He apparently broke ESPN.com at the same time and I couldn't find another pitch-by-pitch account of the game. Okay, I didn't try, you got me. So I just assume Howard watched three pitches and then his batting helmet spun around on his head.

Top 4th: Howard struck out swinging against Stauffer. Foul, foul, swinging strike. Damn, I love Howard.

Top 6th: Howard struck out swinging against Stauffer again. He did manage to get to a full count before striking out. So this at bat wasn't as much fun.

Top 9th: Howard struck out swinging against Heath Bell. I like that he didn't need the extra innings for the sombrero. That's a classy move.

Top 11th: Howard hits the go ahead two-run double that put the Phills up for good. He even got to be the hero.

Ryan Howard's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

This Ryan Howard sombrero has me bummed out for two reasons. 1) I meant to place a wager with my fellow strikeout junkie Mike from The Golden Sombrero about whether Howard or Mark Reynolds would reach four K's in one game first. 2) Howard was so close to the 5K platinum sombrero. Come on!

Usually when either Howard or Reynolds records a sombrero, I reward my dear readers with a picture of a dog or mule wearing a sombrero but I'm too angry this time. So here's a cat in a hat...

Now let's all move along to Howard's futility at the dish...

Top 1st: Howard struck out swinging against Mat Latos. I think we're all on the same page here, right? Latos' parents had to be some kind of hippies to leave that other "T" off of his name. It really drives me crazy. Ugh, I hope Howard doesn't strike out against him again...

Top 3rd: Howard struck out swinging against Latos again. Son of a...

Top 4th: Howard struck out looking against Latos. Now he's just effing with me.

Top 7th: Howard struck out swinging against Cory Luebke. On three pitches.

Then, with no concern for my own jubilance, Howard grounded out in the top of the 9th.

This isn't over, Ryan...

Dexter Fowler's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Ah, nice to see you again Dexter Fowler. Fowler cut his Sombrero total in half from 2009 to 2010 (hey, 2-1 is still half) but he's off to an early start this season. At 25-years-old, we still don't really know what Fowler is. A little pop with some raw speed, neither of which he uses much. He gets on base enough and doesn't appear to butcher his outfield position. I'm just starting to doubt he becomes anything more than a solid regular. But none of that matters here as long as he keeps swinging and missing. It's like crack for me...

Bottom 1st: Fowler struck out swinging against Matt Cain. Cain did not have his best stuff coughing up 6 earned over 4.2 but he did strike out 6. Fowler did his part here and then...

Bottom 2nd: Fowler struck out swinging against Cain again.

Bottom 6th: Fowler struck out looking against Dan Runzler. Fowler watched five pitches before realizing he didn't bring his bat to the plate. In other news, when did Dan Runzler stop slicing deli meat at the Rouses by my house?

Bottom 7th: Fowler struck out swinging against Guillermo Mota. Fowler took the opposite approach this time around by swinging at all three strikes. The results did not vary.

Andrew McCutchen's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, no-hitters and Brian Wilson's beard are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

There was magic in the air Friday night. Andrew McCutchen was plugged into the leadoff spot for the Pirates and it turns out he's allergic to it. It took McCutchen all of five innings to record a Golden Sombrero but in his only other plate appearance he reached on an error, shattering my dreams of a Platinum Sombrero. Pinata dog was also bummed out.

Let's see what McCutchen was flailing at...

Top 1st: McCutchen struck out looking against Bronson Arroyo. Hey, it happens.

Top 2nd: McCutchen struck out looking against Arroyo again. Meh, it was a 3-2 count. But two strikeout in the first two innings certainly gets me excited.

Top 4th: McCutchen struck out swinging against Arroyo. I get sad because I remember McCutchen is on my fantasy team.

Top 5th: McCutchen struck out swinging against Matt Maloney. Yikes.

McCutchen is now hitting .196/.302/.370 with 2 homers and 0 stolen bases. Serves me right for drafting a Pirate. I bet he's never even attempted a hostile takeover of a cruise ship.