Curveballs for Jobu

Curveballs for Jobu is Offbasepercentage's daily trip around the ballparks.
Today's honorary bat boy is Bill North.

[North's 1974 Topps card. Estimated value: nine pen caps]

Yankees 5, Tigers 1. Phil Hughes did his best Phil Hughes In Derwood's Dreams impersonation, going the distance and allowing a measly solo home run to Prince Fielder and the man subletting the apartment under Prince Fielder's jersey. Also, Derek Jeter, who should've retired last May, took the first pitch he saw from reigning MVP Justin Verlander and hit his sixth home run, and the Yanks never trailed in taking two of the three from Detroit.

Mets 6, Cardinals 1. If anyone has seen the St. Louis offense (one run in three games against New York), please return it to Busch Stadium immediately and tell it it has loved ones that are worried about it. The address is 700 Clark Avenue, St. Louis, MO.

It was a tough three-game set for the Kepshires, who were no-hit by Johan Santana Friday, then refused to let die that magic feeling, getting shut out by R.A. Dickey Saturday and nearly being shut out again Sunday before Adron Chambers had an RBI single in the top of the eighth. All day Monday, St. Louis fans were still calling it That Single By Adron Chambers In The 8th Inning.

Astros 5, Reds 3. Fernando Martinez Watch: 0-for-4, 3 K.

Whitesox 4, Mariners 2. Chris Sale has been one of the best pitchers in the AL in 2012, and Sunday was no different. The left-hander pitched a complete game, five-hitter and struck out eight, a start after fanning 15 and allowing one earned run in a win over the Devilrays. Let's ask a clearly-disappointed Mariners fan what they think of Sale's performance:

Pirates 6, Brewers 5: Cesar Izturis: DNP

Marlins 5, Phillies 1. After Carlos Zambrano's 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER pitching performance and solo home run at the plate, the rooster that lives in Zambrano's ear declined comment.



Other scores, but down here....

Braves 3, Nationals 2
Bluejays 5, Redsox 1
Royals 2, Athletics 0
Devilrays 8, Orioles 4
Giants 2, Cubs 0
Rockies 3, Dodgers 2
Twins 6, Indians 3
Rangers 7, Angels 3
Diamondbacks 6, Padres 0

Off Base NL Central Preview

Offbase editors Derwood Morris and MTD haven't had much luck previewing things lately-MTD incorrectly predicted Gary Discarcina would come out of retirement to help the Angels win the 2009 World Series and Derwood thought Teen Wolf 3 would be the 2010 summer blockbuster. But here are division previews anyway.


Today we take a crack at the NL Central, home of the Pirates, and five other teams.


Cincinnati (2010: 91-71)

The Red Stockings won the division last season and then pulled a 1998/1999 Texas Rangers against the Phillies in the division series. Joey Votto had a monster 2010 and won the NL MVP, but really the guy's been fantastic since he broke in during the 2007 season (162-game average: .314/.401/.557, 151 OPS+). The Reds led the NL in runs scored a year ago and have some of the best young pitching in the big leagues, namely Travis Wood, Johnny Cueto and Aroldis Chapman. Things on the roster that aren't young: Edgar Renteria, Miguel Cairo, Scott Rolen.

Chicago (75-87)

The Cubs parted ways with Carlos Silva and the other man living underneath Carlos Silva's shirt when both were released a few days ago. Once Ted Lilly was traded to Los Angeles on the trade deadline last July, Silva became the Cubs' best starter, but now a number of people will be trying to grab that title.

1. Carlos Zambrano. The rooster in Carlos Zambrano's ear reported Carlos Zambrano is 4% less crazy, but there's a 100% chance that percentage goes down a few minutes after Chicago's season begins.
2. Ryan Dempster. Had a monster 2008 season and got paid for it (3-year, $38 million contract through '11), but fell off a bit in '09 and '10. He'll get the opening day start for the Cubbies, and if you believe morons, that means certain HOF entry for the right-hander if he keeps getting those types of assignments.
3. Matt Garza. Was traded from Tampa Bay after consecutive 200-inning seasons for the Rays. Going from the AL East to a division with the Pirates and Astros has to make a starting pitcher happy.

Chicago should have a good bullpen with erratic/electric Carlos Marmol (52 BB, 138 K in 77 2/3 IP) closing, Sean Marshall coming off an excellent season and Kerry Wood back in the red, white and blue for the first time since 2008.

St. Louis (86-76)

Albert Pujols' contract status was a major topic of discussion this past off-season, but what about Nick Punto's contract status?!

Milwaukee (77-85)

The Brewers were picked by many to challenge and perhaps win the Central when they traded for right-hander Zach Greinke from KC in December. Greinke was expected to join Yovani Gallardo as an excellent 1-2 punch at the top of the rotation, but that will have to wait. During spring camp, Greinke suffered a cracked rib playing basketball and will start the season on the disabled list.

Brewers person: "Hey Zack, we're just thrilled to have you in Milwaukee. By the way, there's plenty of BRATWURST available in this city. I don't know if you were aware that Milwaukee has BRATWURST. Anyway, we think adding you to our rotation gives us a great chance to win. Oh, you'll be making $13.5 million this year. Not all at once! (laughs to himself). Now, if you wouldn't mind playing some basketball, injuring yourself and missing the start of the season, we'd really appreciate it."

Milwaukee has a number of other players on the disabled list to open 2011, including terrible pitchers Manny Parra (strained back) and Latroy Hawkins (right shoulder), right fielder Corey Hart (strained oblique) and young catcher Jonathan Lucroy (broken finger). No truth to the rumors that the four were injured during a spirited game of capture the flag.

Houston (76-86)

Seems like a long time ago when Houston was playing in its first World Series, but it was only 2005. Since then, the Astros have been close to a .500 team (391-418) and haven't finished higher than third in the Central. This is the fifth year of Carlos Lee's six-year, $100 million contract and so far he's unofficially earned $63,491 of it.

Pittsburgh (57-105)

Maybe the franchise should change its name back to the Alleghenys, or bring back Bobby Bonilla to coach first base. Put a Pirates hat on a chimpanzee and have it play third. Try something, because whatever they've been doing in Pittsburgh hasn't been working. The Bucs haven't had a winning season since 1992 (18 consecutive under .500), and there's nothing to suggest that streak won't be extended to 19. The Pirates have some good, young talent in Pedro Alvarez, Andrew McCutchen and Neil Walker, but if Kevin Correia, he of the -1.8 WAR for San Diego a year ago, is your opening day starter, then I'm afraid you're in for a Season of Alvaro.


OFFBASE GLOSSARY

Season of Alvaro - Comes from the Latin phrase "Alvaro Espinoza" meaning terrible results expected from April-to-September.

Basking In Carl Everett's Insanity

With Jose Guillen potentially retiring and Carlos Zambrano allegedly cured, I'm legitimately worried about the state of crazy in baseball. Instead of fretting over the state of future lunatics in MLB though, I decided to reminisce about the greatest of them all.

*E! True Hollywood Story Voice*
Carl Everett lettered in football, baseball and track as a high schooler in Tampa. In 1990, the Yankees would make Everett the 10th pick overall in the amateur draft but he would later be claimed by the Marlins in the 1992 expansion draft. He would debut for the Marlins in 1993 but, little did people know, he was hiding a dark secret. Everett never learned how to ride a bike. Wait, that's not it. He's batshit crazy. That was the secret.

Everett had a decent 14-year career hitting 202 home runs and a .271/.341/.462 line. He played for eight major league teams in 14 seasons because he was better known for screaming profanities at the media and manhole covers than he was for his hitting. Let's go to the highlights...

Dinosaurs

"God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve," Everett said last Friday, before the Red Sox lost two of three in Atlanta. "The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex."

This led to the nicknames "Jurassic Carl", "Truthasauras" and "C-Rex." He also doubted the legitimacy of both The Flintstones and The Jetsons. He was particularly disgruntled with the latter proclaiming,"I ain't never seen no toaster that could talk and vacuum."[citation needed]

What about dinosaur bones?

"Made by man," he says.

I'd pay one full year of tuition to sit in a lecture hall and take notes while Everett teaches this great dinosaur conspiracy. I'm dying to know who started it, why and how it was funded.

Man on the Moon

After first rejecting the notion, he concedes, "Yeah, that could have happened. It's possible. That is something you could prove. You can't prove dinosaurs ever existed. I feel it's far-fetched."

He also has some pretty strong opinions on the whole "Grassy Knoll" thing. Mainly that JFK never existed.

Derek Jeter

"Not a star."

Even in 2000 this wasn't true. But yes, I was hoping for something prescient about Jeter's defense so I could pretend like Everett was some kind of oracle and we would, in fact, find out dinosaurs were just a Christian ruse.

Homosexuals

"Gays being gay is wrong. Two women can't produce a baby, two men can't produce a baby, so it's not how it's supposed to be. ... I don't believe in gay marriages. I don't believe in being gay."

In turn, he doesn't believe in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, Vermont or Washington D.C. either.

Jose Canseco

Jose Canseco is a "bitter, ignorant individual."

Well, even a blind squirrel...

We're hoping Carl Everett's insanity will live on in the form of @madcarleverett while the real Everett plays independent league baseball and has lively debates with pine cones.

Carlos Zambrano Is Cured Of Crazy?

Say it ain't so, Big Z. The days of Carlos Zambrano blowing up at teammates, pucnhing inanimate objects and cursing at clouds may be behind us. At least, according to Zambrano anyway...

Zambrano said Tuesday he completed three months of anger management counseling last October, and that it's no longer an issue with him.

"It's all done," he said with a grin. "I'm cured."

*snip*

And did the counseling work?

"Yes, it did," he said. "That was an experience that I can talk (about) through the years. Maybe in the future I can be a pitching coach and speak to the young kids about what I went through, what happened in my career, things that I experienced."

While this is sad news for bloggers obsessed with lunatics *high fives Canseco poster*, it's easier said than done. After his suspension, anger management and bullpen demotion, Zambrano returned to the Cubs' rotation and pitched 70.1 innings of 1.41 ERA baseball. So sure, he's feeling pretty good about himself right now.

Give it time. As a professional skeptic, I'm not willing to believe he's cured until he pitches a two-inning, eight earned game or gets some bubble gum that doesn't chew right. I'll admit that his reaction to getting his six year opening day starter streak snapped is a positive sign for his mental health. But the crazy usually doesn't lie dormant for long, does it Milton Bradley?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm working on a Bad News Bears style screenplay featuring Zambrano as a pitching coach. The working title is You Call That a Fastball, No Wonder Your Dad Left.

Rays Avoid Arbitration With Garza

Yikes. I thought the Angels were having a poor offseason. The Rays continued their "it's not really a fire sale" fire sale by dealing pitcher Matt Garza to the Cubs before he could hit arbitration for the second time. Rays fans, both of them, already had to deal with losing Carl Crawford, Carlos Pena and Rafael Soriano to free agency. Luckily for the Rays, it sounds like Jose Canseco is ready for his prodigious return to the baseball world and that just sounds like fun for the whole family.

What it means for the Rays
Uh, believe it or not, it doesn't mean that much. Garza is a fine pitcher but I don't think they miss a beat plugging Jeremy Hellickson into the rotation full time. The only fallout to the Rays rotation from this trade might be the removal of Jake Shields from the trading block. The Rays get Chris Archer, Brandon Guyer, Robinson Chirinos, Hak-Ju Lee and Sam Fuld from the Cubs to bolster their farm system.

Archer was the Cubs third best prospect according to Baseball Prospectus (or Kevin Goldstein if you're keeping score at home) but has some command issues to deal with before becoming a star. Lee was the fifth best prospect but his future short stop endeavors were blocked by Sterlin Castro similar to his new blockage at short by Reid Brignac. Guyer and Chirinos were 11 and 12 respectively but BP expects me to pay for any insight into them. Jerks, trying to make money and whatnot.

What it means for the Cubs
Garza jumps into the mix as the number two starter for the Cubs with Ryan Dempster and Carlos Zambrano. And one of those guys is going to have to the ace. My guess is that the Cubs rehash how much money they'll have to eat to move Zambrano and his psychiatry bills. It doesn't seem like a big hit to their minor league system that was already devoid of any big impact guys.

NL Central Year In Review

Off Base will take a look back at the 2010 season season with our own brand of science nonsense. Today we'll look at the NL Central, do the Pirates still live here?

1. Cincinnati Reds
Highlights: The Reds led all of baseball in WAR (wins above replacement) at 33.7 and won the Central with a 91-71 record. Joey Votto put together an MVP season belting 37 home runs with a .324/.424/.600 line while contending for the NL Triple Crown for most of the year. Jay Bruce continues to improve at the plate and even got his OBP way up to .353 this season. Aroldis Champman finally arrived and hit 100+ MPH at every appearance. Chicks dig the fastball. Mike Leake skipped the minors all together going straight from the draft to the majors. He pitched admirably, considering, with a 4.23 ERA and 4.68 FIP (fielding independent pitching). Even Homer Bailey progressed and pitched better than his 4.46 ERA suggested according to his 3.74 FIP.

Lowlights: Got swept out of the playoffs by the Phillies and became only the second team in history to get no-hit in the post season thanks to Roy Halladay. The combination of T.O. and Ochocinco is more obnoxious than I initially feared. Edinson Volquez remains ineligible to win Rookie of the Year. For whatever reason, Jonny Gomes was allowed to spend way to much time wandering around in the outfield like a drunken hobo.

Hot Stove Outlook: The Reds could use a short stop after wisely declining the option on Orlando Cabrera and probably another starter after also declining Aaron Harang's option. Unfortunately the market isn't bursting with great/affordable players that fit their needs. They also need to hope Scott Rolen can stay durable after rounding the corner of his mid-30's.

2. St. Louis Cardinals
Highlights: MVP seasons from Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday. Pujols hit 42 homers to go with a .312/.414/.596 line and competed with Carlos Gonzalez and Joey Votto for the Triple Crown until nobody could claim it. Holliday wasn't too shabby either with 28 home runs and a .312/.390/.532 line of his own. Adam Wainwright was fantastic and should finish in the top three of Cy Young voting. Rookie pitcher Jaime Garcia established himself as a solid number three behind Wainwright and Chris Carpenter.

Lowlights: Finishing five games back of the Reds and missing the playoffs. And that's in part due to Tony LaRussa's resistance to playing Colby Rasmus. Just strange.

Hot Stove Outlook: The core is solid if TLR will play Rasmus everyday otherwise they'll be in bigger trouble. They don't have much payroll flexibility considering Pujols is a year away from free agency and will likely require the Arch to re-sign. Maybe they try to hang on to Jake Westbrook. Deal with the inevitable LaRussa DUI. I like the ones where he falls asleep at a red light.

3. Milwaukee Brewers
Highlights: Was this the year that Rickie Weeks turned the corner? I'm inclined to believe that is was and this is his true potential. Weeks slugged 29 home runs and hit .269/.366/.464 while staying healthy. Yovanni Gallardo looks like an ace. Guido, the Italian sausage, won the most sausage races with 22.

Lowlights: Just about everything else. Trevor Hoffman was downright old and miserable. The only pitchers with a WAR above one were Gallardo, Jon Axford and Chris Narveson. Brett Wurst, the bratwurst, trailed the rest of the pack with only 11 sausage race victories.

Hot Stove Outlook: Pitching. At some point, just like the Padres, the Brewers need to trade their big slugging first baseman. Prince Fielder is a free agent after next season and all of the fatty foods in Milwaukee won't keep him around. He'll also command big money for a body type that won't age well.

4. Houston Astros
Highlights: Used smoke and mirrors to win 76 games.

Lowlights: Paid Carlos Lee $19 million to produce -0.8 Wins Above Replacement. They would have been better off sticking a traffic cone in left field. And they still owe him another $38 million over the next two years. Oopsy. No talent in the minors anywhere close to contributing.

Hot Stove Outlook: Pray for rain.

5. Chicago Cubs
Highlights: Starlin Castro is going to be a star short stop. Geovany Soto recovered from his nightmare 2009 season to hit 17 homers and a .280/.393/.497 line. The season, mercifully, ended.

Lowlights: Carlos Zambrano is a crazy person and the Cubs are on the hook for another $36 million over the next two seasons. Even funnier than that contract? The Cubs owe Alfonso Soriano $19 million per season until 2014 at which point he'll be even less valuable than Houston's traffic cone. The Cubs sent off retiring Lou Piniella with a 16-5 loss to the Atlanta Braves. They should have just lit his shoes on fire as well.

Hot Stove Outlook: Do nothing. The Cubs could use a cheap first baseman but won't be writing blank checks anymore. They could try to deal Carlos Zambrano for a bag of balls. Crazy Carlos pitched well after returning to the rotation on August 9. In his last 11 starts, he posted a 1.41 ERA and a 1.5 K/BB ratio.

6. Pittsburgh Pirates
Highlights: Drafted and signed Jameson Tallion and Stetson Allie. Andrew McCutchen. Secured the number one draft pick in the 2011 amateur draft. Ben Roethlisberger did not try to rape them. Allegedly.

Lowlights: Finished with the worst record in baseball at 57-105. Finished with a losing record for the 18th consecutive season. Forgot to employ any Major League caliber pitching. Pedro Alvarez struck out at a 35% clip.

Hot Stove Outlook: Do nothing. The Pirates are doing a good job building through the draft and in a few years should be able to try to make some savvy moves like the Rays have been doing recently. Until then, it's unfortunately more years of futility. Learn to embrace the draft, Pirates fans. You're going to have a lot of high picks.

How good was Albert Belle from 1994-1996?

The answer is really, really good.

If you can get past the Halloween incident, the throwing the ball into the stands and injuring a fan incident, or the stalking, Albert Belle's career was excellent: .295/.369/.564/143 OPS+/381 HR.

On the Zambrano Scale, Belle was a 7, and that's without the benefit of the rooster in his ear. Despite the serious mental deficieinces, Belle put together such an outstanding three-year stretch from 1994-1996 with the Indians that no one cared.

1994
.357/.438/.714/1.152/193 OPS+/36 HR
1995
.317/.401/.690/1.091/177/50 HR
1996
.311/.410/.623/1.033/158/48 HR

3-year average
.328/.416/.676/1.092/176/45 HR

Belle had a down year in 1997, his first with the Whitesox, but exploded again in 1998, putting together a .328/.399/.655 slash line with a 171 OPS+. Since retiring after the 2000 season, Belle is now a counselor and the assistant volleyball coach at Wennington High School.


Reccomended reading:

The Albert Belle Timeline

Curveballs for Jobu

Curveballs for Jobu is Offbasepercentage's daily trip around the ballparks.

Today's honorary bat boy is David Nied.

Yankees 11, Athletics 5. I'd say the signing of Marcus Thames has been one of the highlights of the 2009-2010 off-season for the Yanks. Thames, who had a .320/.401/.544 slash line and a 158 OPS+ in 172 plate appearances coming into Monday's game, popped a three-run home run, his sixth in his last five starts, helping make Trevor Cahill look human (4 IP, 8 ER). And Thames has done all this with the middle name of Markley. Impressive. Encouraging stuff from Javy Vazquez out of the bullpen-4 2/3 IP, 2 H, 1 ER, 6 K-making a no-decisoner out of Dustin Moseley.

Astros 3, Cardinals 0. You know the old saying: if it's late August, J.A. Happ's about to throw a complete game. Happ allowed two hits and a walk, dominating the Cards for his first complete since last August 27. You know the other old saying: Jason Castro went 0-for-3 again.

Braves 9, Mets 3. The top three in the Atlanta lineup-Omar Infante, Jason Heyward and Martin Prado-went 8-for-14 with 7 RBIs and the Braves improved to a dominant, 47-18 at Turner Field.

Cubs 14, Pirates 2. Crazy person Carlos Zambrano somehow managed to pitch 5 1/3 innings without allowing an earned run or screaming at a four-year girl for spilling her Dippin Dots. Zambrano also hit a two-run home run in the fifth and thanked the rooster in his ear.

Reds 5, Brewers 4 (10). Jay Bruce singled off Trevor Hoffman in the 10th and the Red Stockings now have a six-game lead on the Cards in the Central. That division may be over. More alarming is the fact that I think Trevor Hoffman may be over.

Crazy Guy Goes Crazy Again

It must be at any given point during the calendar year because Cubs' pitcher Carlos Zambrano went nuts in the dugout again. After giving up four runs in the first inning Friday against the Whitesox, manager Lou Pinella pulled Zambrano. That's what you do when a terrible pitcher (1.69 WHIP, 5.66 ERA in 55 2/3 innings) pitches terribly-you ask him to please leave and as Norm Dale said to George at the Huskers' first practice, "leave the ball, willya George?"

Zambrano is George.

Anyway, Zambrano lost his mind and started screaming at his teammates and the rooster that lives in his ear for not lunging in front of his pitches before they could reach the batter's box and Alex Rios could hit an RBI-double and Carlos Quentin could launch a three-run home run. Zambrano went after Derek Lee, specifically and the two began shouting at each other.

Here's the video. Unfortunately, it includes two "he gones" by Ken Harrelson. I apologize.



The Cubs are fed up with Zambrano and they will absolutely not let this kind of behaivor happen a 9th time. No sir. Zambrano has been suspended indefinitely with no word on when he'll return. Chicago doesn't have many options. They can't cut him, or they'll be paying $18,875,000 to some loony who isn't even pitching for them. They can't trade him because no one wants a mentally unstable pitcher who stinks and is owed $18,875,000. They can't murder him because that's illegal. Meanwhile, the team has to play with 24 players on their roster, but with the looks of that club, it doesn't really make any difference.

Just another wonderful summer at Wrigley, isn't it?