Sunday, September 23, 2012

Texas Rangers Fan Put To Death

It's a little known fact (I made up) that the "Everything is bigger in Texas" motto is actually an abridged version of the original classic "Everything is bigger in Texas...and then we kill it." With the year winding down and a surplus of barbiturates, paralytics and potassium solution on their hands, Texas got themselves a case of itchy plunger thumb.

Which brings us to the sad tale of Robert Wayne Harris. Harris admitted to killing five people at an Irving car wash in 2000 weeks after being fired and killing a woman prior to those slayings. Harris was put to death Thursday night but not before he expressed his devotion to the Texas Rangers...
Harris expressed love to his brother and three friends who were watching through a window.
"I'm going home. I'm going home," Harris said. "Don't worry about me. I'll be alright. God bless, and the Texas Rangers, Texas Rangers."
Apparently, the Dallas Cowboys have been thanked several times before men have been put down proving Texas might have the most dedicated sports fans/killers. By all accounts, Harris sounded like an intensely terrible human being so I hope this at least gave the victims' families a sense of closure.

I've picked up a theme here and have uncovered the secret to the Rangers current run of success and World Series appearances. Between Harris and George W. Bush's previous ownership and hanging-around-the-park, the Rangers are surrounded by some evil spirits. The Rangers must have sold their soul to the devil for 2010's baseball dominance. I'm a scientist.

H/T: Hardball Talk


  1. Cheap shot at W.

    Guess you wouldn't be saying the same about the White Sox and President Obama...

  2. My jokes have no political affiliation. Most of them aren't old enough to vote.