Saturday, September 22, 2012

C.J. Wilson and His Next Endeavor

C.J. Wilson could easily be considered the most interesting man in the world if it weren't for the fact that he's straight edge. The man does it all; Racing, Break Dancing, Rain Manning, etc. and so forth. A not so quiet rumor is that he is trying to break into Hollywood as a screen writer. In fact, let's just pause for a second so you can watch and catch up on C.J.'s extensive list of talents:

All done? Good. I noticed that there was one thing missing from his list, ACTING! But fear not Straight Edge Racer fans, A completely reliable and half fictional source has confirmed for me that Hipster C.J. could be making his silver screen debut this winter.

According to my source who will remain nameless, Hollywood hates his scripts. But think that with his baseball celebrity and dreamy looks he'd be a perfect for another winter chock full of movies being remade with contemporary stars since no one in Hollywood seems to be capable of writing anything new worth seeing.

There are rumors surrounding the premise of the movie, but my source Dave (whoops!) has confirmed that there are two main themes floating around that are the most legit, and that there is a poster photo that has leaked.

1.) Obviously Hollywood is playing on the "Ceej."

2.) The two main themes that are being filtered through the interwebs is that it is either similar to the original except this time it takes place on the metrolink train coming from San Clemente and is filled with several hundred tons of C-4 timed to detonate as it reaches the Big A. C.J. uses this day to connect with the little people by taking the fateful train. Somehow,  through a myriad of impossible stunts, kung fu maneuvers and dipshit passengers, C.J. pulls off the impossible to save the day and then goes on to throw a perfect game.

The second premise being tossed around is that this will be a pornographic adaptation in which C.J. uses his striking good looks and witty personality to lure young strike force girls into his den of love located beneath the center field rocks.

3.) Steven Segal is rumored to be pissed about this.

4.) C.J. is reportedly doing the movie for dirt cheap since he got paid a boat load of money this year for only actually working roughly three months this year.

The movie is slated for a late December, early January release. At which time my five year old son is going to submit a dinosaur drawing as a movie review which will then be uploaded to this site.

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