Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Vlad Guerrero Is Grumpy, Released From Blue Jays

Vladimir Guerrero has been hobbling around baseball like an old man for the past few years and recently yelled at the Blue Jays to call him up to the Majors or get off his lawn. And his Blue Jay career ended before it ever really began. The Jays signed Vlad, the Pride of Canada, to a Minor League deal that gave him an opt out clause if he wasn't promoted to the Bigs by Monday. After Vladdy slugged 4 homers and .450/.450/1.100 in 20 High-A plate appearances, he was promoted to Triple-A where his .214/.233/.286 didn't inspire enough confidence to promote him.

The 37-year-old Vlad demanded that he not be treated like a child by acting like a child. Dustin Parkes at Getting Blanked translated Hector Gomez's tweets (I'm no beuno with the el-Spanish)...
Promises made to me were not fulfilled. I am not a child. One day I heard one thing and the next day another. I left the team, right now I am at home in Anaheim. I was not treated as a professional. I am not a boy. I proved that I’m ready, I have nothing more to prove in the minors with the numbers that I put. Last night after the game I sent my letter of resignation to the organization. I am not a boy. I demand respect. Let me make it clear I did not take this decision lightly, and had warned it would if I was not satisfied.
Don't get me wrong, I love Vladdy. He was my favorite player before Mike Trout ran away with my heart. But the years of damage to his knees from playing on the concrete carpet in Montreal makes it painful to even watch Vlad attempt to walk. And I'm not talking about taking a base on balls, I'm talking about the physical motion of moving from point A to point B. I love delusion as much as the next guy but I think it's time for Guerrero to hang them up.

Vlad disagrees and the Blue Jays granted his release. Guerrero doesn't want the fork stuck in him just yet. This release doesn't spell retirement, you know, unless nobody pays him to play baseball...

Okay, I didn't realize Vlad's agent's name is Bean Stringfellow. I can't believe General Managers aren't fumbling their checkbooks to fill out the paperwork to sign Vlad. Also, I apparently envision free agent negotiations as a Benny Hill sketch.



  2. Yes, cousin to Goober Quackenbush and brother-in-law of Cletus Hobbledeehoy.