Sunday, June 10, 2012

Tony Gwynn Wants To Buy Padres, Not Pay Taxes

Tony Gwynn was the ideal franchise player. He spent his entire career with the San Diego Padres, slash lined .338/.388/.459 and was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2007. Plus he had those chubby cheeks that your grandma was just dying to squeeze. While Gwynn never finished higher than third in MVP voting (1984), he was the last guy to seriously flirt with .400 when he hit .394 in 1994. Anthony is currently the head coach of San Diego State (where I teach creative napping in the fall) but he appears to have some other irons in the fire.

Gwynn is rumored to be partnered with movie producer Thomas Tull in an effort to buy his former Padres club. The team is definitely up for grabs and Forbes believes it will sell for more than their $458 million estimated value. And Gwynn's group might be able to make that happen, unless Bud Selig needs a letter of recommendation from the IRS.

Gwynn might owe the government $400,000 from missed taxes in 2003, 2007 and 2009. Which I believe were his relapse years from his In 'N Out addiction. It's hard to fill out paperwork with Animal Style all over your fingers.

I don't know what Tony Gwynn's baseball windfall is but I doubt he raked in enough money to go halfsies on a $500 million franchise. Thomas Tull, on the other hand, might be burning money for sport. I don't know what executive producers do for movies but I assume they make a ton of cash and get to pick out the deli meat for the sandwich table. And Tull has picked out smoked turkey for some pretty high grossing flicks. Let's pretend he was super hammered when someone asked him to make Jonah Hex.

The Dark Knight, The Hangover, Inception, The Town and The Hangover II had to pocket Tull a little coin. And he might be able to buy San Diego from California after he cashes his check from The Dark Knight Rises.

Tull might even have enough money to cover Gwynn's taxes for the "good will ownership guy" and buy the San Diego Chicken back from KFC. Sadly, he might already be extra crispy and part of a Famous Bowl.

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