MTD lives in New Orleans and Derwood built a cabin out of sticks and mud in Conyers, so occasionally they have to communicate through text message. Here's the latest back-and-forth entitled "Jose Canseco, Part 17".
MTD (4:06 p.m.): Oh.My.God. The Yuma Scorpions have hired Jose Canseco as a player-manager. Ozzie will also be a coach. This is the best thing that's happened to me in a week.
Derwood Morris (4:07 p.m.): Four things: 1. Outstanding. 2. How can we get tickets and/or a minority stake in the franchise? 3. Who the hell are the Yuma Scorpions? 4. OUTSTANDING.
MTD (4:09 p.m.): I'm thinking a couple hundred gets us an ownership stake. I'll look into it.
DM (4:11 p.m.): How long do you give him before he pencils two Cansecos on the lineup card, 1-2 in the order?
MTD (4:14 p.m.): One game. It appears they are owned by Diamond Sports & Entertainment, which might be an Arizona porn company.
DM (4:17 p.m.): With apologies to Cousin Eddie, the Jelly of the Month Club is not the gift that keeps on giving the whole year. It's Jose Canseco.
MTD (4:20 p.m.): I would buy a subscription to those games online.
DM (4:21 p.m.): I may move to Yuma.
MTD (4:24 p.m.): Shit, me too. I hear Yuma is lovely.
DM (4:28 p.m.): Over/under games managed by Ozzie for various reasons?
MTD (4:32 p.m.): Ozzie is serving as player/catcher-hitting coach. But, depending on Jose's prior commitments, like fighting an ostrich in Mexico, Ozzie probably manages a dozen or so games.
DM (4:34 p.m.): The ostrich will be starting in right field by May 2nd.
MTD (4:38 p.m.): Seriously, let's relocate Offbase headquarters to Yuma. Plus if we lived in Yuma, there's a good shot I'd finally get to play right field again after a disastrous season when I was 8.
DM (4:42 p.m.): The ostrich will have RF locked down by then, but you can battle Ozzie, my Uncle Ernie and a poster of Danny Tartabull for the 4th outfielder spot.
MTD (4:50 p.m.): I'm not sure how this got started, but now I want an ostrich farm when I get to Yuma. OK, over/under Jose home runs?
DM (4:55 p.m.): That depends on if the field has a fence. If it has a fence, I say 10 real, 32 imaginary.