Saturday, November 9, 2013

2013 Team Awards: Colorado Rockies

In order to review the 2013 season, the crackpot staff of Off Base is handing out awards to each Major League team. Please send us $19.95 for the shipping and handling of your team's Hello Kitty stickers awards. Here are the Most Valuable Player, Least Valuable Player, Cy Young, Cy Yuck, Rookie of the Year and Reliever of the Year for the Rockies. 

*Guidelines, prices and participation may vary by author*

MVP: Troy Tulowitzki
Even the most cynical of baseball fans have to feel sorry for the Rockies. A little? Maybe not. Haters gonna hate. (Haters Gonna Hat is the name of my punk barber shop quartet) The reasons are twofold why I feel bad for Rockies fans. 1. Coors Light 2. They have two of the top 25-or-so best position players in baseball but they can't stay on the field.

Tulo is a monster at the plate, .312/.391/.540 slash, .400 wOBA in 2013, but he's also an elite defender at short. Good luck proving me right or wrong, though, since he rarely plays enough to qualify for leaderboards. Which brings me back to the problem. Tulo was 17th among position players with a 5.6 fWAR in 126 games in 2013. Carlos Gonzalez's 4.9 fWAR would have been good for 27th had he qualified but he's a topic for another post. Tulowitzki has played in 150+ games twice since he became a full time player in 2007. His injury history has more options than a Chinese food menu. The tight thigh is delicious with duck sauce.

Tulo's 7-year, $123MM extension kicks off in 2014 and rumors have swirled about his tradeability but he's not going anywhere if the Rox intend on making a push anytime soon.

LVP: Todd Helton
Look, I don't feel great about naming Helton the least valuable player for the only team he's ever played for during his fringy Hall of Fame career on the year he retired. BUT. His .314 OBP in 442 plate appearances in 2013 was 100 points lower than his career .414 OBP. Instead, let's focus on his career highlights like that time he almost killed Clint Barmes with deer meat. Happy retirement and happy hunting, Todd.

Cy Young: Jhoulys Chacin
Jorge de la Rosa put up a comparable season to Chacin's but threw 30 fewer innings. I also deducted points after finding out de la Rosa has no affiliation with De La Soul. I just assumed there was a connection and can only blame that on Me, Myself and I.

Cy Yuck: Drew Pomeranz
Remember Pomeranz? His 21.2 innings of 6.23 ERA Major League service this year might be forgettable but he was the Rockies number one prospect going into the 2012 season. He was the Indians number four prospect going into 2011 before he was the headline PTBNL in the Ubaldo Jiminez deal. And if something doesn't change in a hurry, he might be your beer league softball team's best prospect going into the 2016 season.

Cy Sorry: Rafael Betancourt
The 39-year-old Betancourt underwent potential career ending Tommy John surgery after the Rockies failed to trade him at the 2013 deadline. His 2014 option was not picked up. A terrible situation for everybody involved. Hopefully, Helton will just mail him some deer meat.

ROY: Nolan Arenado
For a guy supposedly destined to move to first base, Arrenado provided a ton of his value from his 22.6 UZR at the hot corner. Baseball America had Arenado as Colorado's number one prospect and he was their best rookie. Pats on the back for everybody. Okay, his .267/.301/.405 clearly needs some work but, you know, he's not Garrett Atkins or Ian Stewart. Yet.

Reliever of the Year: Rex Brothers
If the 1.74 ERA or 10.16 K/9 don't do anything for you, just do like I do and pretend Rex Brothers is actually the twins from Double Dragon.

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