Ryan Howard Breaks Toe While On Deck

Who killed Ryan Howard's 2012 season? If you had Ryan Howard in the on deck circle with a lead pipe, you win Philadelphia Sports Clue. Howard broke his toe Friday night after dropping the lead pipe he warms up with on his foot. Sounds like something out of the 1994 Lillehammer Olympics except self-inflicted.

Howard is hitting .219/.295/.423 with 14 home runs this year earning him the Vernon Wells nod of approval. The 2012 season didn't get started until July 6 because of the torn Achilles he suffered falling out of the batter's box to end his 2011 campaign. If the Phillies were wise, they'd bubble wrap the dugout next year as Howard's injuries are happening closer and closer to the clubhouse.

Then there's that wonderful five year, $125 million albatross of a contract extension Howard signed. Howard makes $20MM this year and next before going to $25MM in 2014 through 2016 with a $10MM buyout for 2017. That will be the quickest buyout in MLB history. It's probably already been made. Want a fun fact? Howard made $232,558.14 every time he got on base in 2012.

Now please enjoy my favorite quotes from this Philly.com article...

"It was a learning process," Howard said.

What was the No. 1 lesson?

"Don't get hurt."

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Howard finished with career lows in batting average (.219), on-base percentage (.295) and slugging percentage (.423).

"I know I'm a better hitter than that," Howard said.

"His best years are ahead of him," Charlie Manuel said.

By "his best years are ahead of him," Charlie Manual means when Howard retires to a tropical island where he isn't required to do anything athletic.

Baseball-Reference claims Ryan Howard's nickname is Big Piece. More like Broken Pieces, amirite? I'll show myself out.

Terry Francona Ready to Bring Bubble Gum Wads back to Dugouts.

Once a manager, always a manager I suppose. News broke earlier today that Terry Francona was among two acknowledged candidates for the open managerial position in Cleveland. I can only assume that they are waiting to publicly announce my candidacy once they have realized that my ability to chew and maintain substantial amounts of bubble gum far surpasses that of Tito.

That's right Terry, I said I can chew more gum than you. What of it?

Captain Morgan Poses With Mike Trout

Sure, Mike Trout has only been the legal drinking age since August 7 but he's got the Captain Morgan pose down already. During some locker room shenanigans, this picture was taken with Vernon Wells, Torii Hunter and the rookie phenom hanging out with the famous rum captain.

In the tweet featuring the picture, Trout didn't give a reason for the visit from the booze icon. I just assume Captain Morgan and the Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World had a bet to see who could get their picture taken with Mike Trout first.

Alcoholism would help explain a lot of the Tony Reagins general manager experiment in Anaheim.

Adam Greenberg Gets his Second Chance on Tuesday

Seven years ago, Adam Greenberg made his major league debut, and this happened. At bat one, pitch one, thud. Greenberg left the field with an On Base Percentage of 1.000, and since then it has not had the chance to go down. He went back to the minors the next season and followed that up with stints in the Dodgers, Royals and Angels organizations. After 2008 though, he was out of baseball.

Homer Bailey Joins 2004 Draft No-Hitter Club

The magical season for the Reds continued Friday night as Homer Bailey tossed a no-hitter against the Pirates. The Reds have already clinched the Central and are tied with the Nationals for the best record in the National League. Bailey zipped through the Pirates line-up striking out 10 on 115 pitches. Clint Barmes reached first base on an error in the bottom of the third inning and Andrew McCutchen walked in the seventh inning to account for the only baserunning Pirates. McCutchen made the most of his opportunity by stealing second base before being thrown out at third.

The Pirates were confused by white, leather ball being flung at them by Bailey as they have been for most of the second half on the season. After 100 games, the Pirates were 58-42 and in the thick of the playoff hunt. Then, as usual, somebody alerted the team that they were indeed the Pittsburgh Pirates and they promptly went 18-39. Their next loss with give the Pirates 483 consecutive losing seasons. When reached for comment about the collapse, manager Clint Hurdle made a fart noise with his mouth.

Back to Bailey, he is the fourth first round draft pick from 2004 to throw a no-hitter and the third this season. That's pretty remarkable. If it didn't sound like a lot of work, I would try to see if that is a record. Let's just assume it is. Justin Verlander, the second overall pick, was the first to get on the board. Verlander no-hit the Brewers on June 12, 2007 and picked up his second against the Blue Jays on May 7, 2011. Philip Humber, third overall, and his career 4.87 ERA over 316.1 major league innings threw the unlikely perfect game against the Mariners on April 21, 2012. Jered Weaver, the 12th pick, was next this season throwing his no-hitter against the Twins on May 2. Bailey was the seventh pick in 2004 and, after his performance on September 28, gets to learn the secret handshake.

While I realize I'm being selfish and they're still in the playoff hunt, I would really appreciate it if the Rays would slap some duct tape on Jeff Neimann's leg and get him another start before the season ends. Neimann was the fourth overall pick in 2004.

Dan Haren Is Not a Fan of Leaks

Wolverine

Earlier this week Alden Gonzalez kicked up a bit of a dust storm when he answered a fan question in his blog here about the Angels and their preference to sign Zack Greinke rather than retain both Dan Haren and Ervin Santana. I'm guessing no one explained to Mr. Gonzalez how exactly the internet works because Haren has heard about it and is, well, not raving mad, but probably has an agitation level that is just a smidgen to high when he should be concentrating on a playoff push. It's bad enough that poor vagabond Danny has had to endure not only numerous appearance changes (like his failed Wolverine look) as well as his first appearance on the disabled list, but he is also in the midst of having his worst season statistically.

Dallas Braden Yells At The Police Now

You may remember Dallas Braden from such 2010 classics as yelling "get off my mound" at Alex Rodriguez, this awesome t-shirt commemorating the event and somehow throwing a perfect game against the Rays. He pitched 18.0 innings in 2011 before losing the year to shoulder surgery. In March 2012, Braden had a little more surgery for a partial rotator cuff tear. Now that his left arm is held on with staples, duct tape and unicorn glue, we don't hear that much about Braden.

That was until he showed up for an anti-violence meeting in Stockton, California armed with a baseball bat and ready to yell at some local police. Apparently, there are better places to live in California than Stockton which is on a record setting murder rate pace. Braden claims his grandmother was recently robbed and he was nearly carjacked. Don't fear police-less citizens of *squints* post-apocalyptic Stockton, Braden and his bat Smashy are here for you (until he moves as soon as possible)...

"Arm yourself or get out. It's the Wild West. The Boys In Blue, they're outgunned," Braden told CBS Sacramento.

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"My anger is for the fear of the community. We can't do anything," Braden said. "I walked in there with a bat. It starts there."

Ugh, this is going to be the worst superhero movie since Green Lantern. Braden got into a shouting match (hopefully in the same bloodcurdling tone when A-Rod jogged across his mound) with the police chief about the escalation in violent crimes, his walk rate and home run to fly ball ratio. Sorry, allegedly yelled about his BB/9 and HR/FB%.

While no winner of the shouting match was declared, it's safe to assume Braden injured his vocal chords and was placed on the community 15-day disabled list.

Rays Rookies Get HAZED.

Ah, Rookie hazing. That age old tradition that bonds both veterans and youngsters alike. It is also that time of year where the seasoned vets remind the kiddies who, in fact, is in charge. Whether it's the Smurfs incident that the Washington Nationals rookies lived through last year, or Mike Trout getting dressed up as Lady Gaga, every year a new high (low) is hit.

I'm going to go ahead and say that the Tampa Bay Rays are this years winners. Of course, when you have a manager who orchestrates things like this, you should already be a step ahead of the competition. For this year's hazing, the Rays veterans (is it weird to call 26 year olds veterans?) decided to not just parade around their young pups, but they were going to have them announce their rookie-ness to the entire world (Or at least to anyone who happened to be in Fenway Park).