Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Colorado Rockies by way of the 1988 Oakland A's

It became official recently that Walt Weiss is going to be the new manager of the Colorado Rockies. The 1988 Rookie of the Year and former Rockie himself is bringing his one year of high school varsity managing experience to the big time. Good for Walter. Good for baseball. Good for Tony Larussa. Wait, what? According to reports in the New York Times, Larussa will be one of Walt's go to resources This upcoming season, because playing favorites is fun:

"I just listened to Mike Eruzione, from the 1980 Olympic hockey team, talk about respecting the team, respecting the game and trusting each other," La Russa said. "Well, that's exactly where it starts, and when you find a teammate who really buys into that, that's when you put him in that tied-for-first category."

Do you believe in teacher's pets? YES!

Weiss is going to need the help though, Tony is a step in the right direction. Now, if he reaches out to one time teammate and current completer of everyone Jose Canseco, that would be a giant leap in the wrong direction. But an entire staff filled with former members of the 1988 Oakland A's could work. Even if it's just for the purposes of making another baseball reality TV show. Because those are so much fun.

Hitting Coach - And we are already off to a winning start as Carney Lansford is currently the hitting coach for the Rockies. Eventually some young hitter is going to take that crazy batting stance of his seriously. Don Baylor would've been a nice fall back option, if it weren't that .226 road batting average in 2010 getting him fired.

Pitching Coach - Take your pick. Dave Stewart, Bob Welch, Dennis Eckersley. That staff was pretty stacked. My money is on Eric Plunk though, just because every TV show needs a nerd.

Bench Coach - Tony Phillips. Every House needs that one former addict who is recovering and can give impeccably timed uplifting speeches about how "drugs are bad, mmmkay." Mr. Mackey is the fall back option, but I'm not sure of his baseball credos, which would be the only ones in baseball to be less than Weiss'.

First Base Coach - Glenn Hubbard. And his slick glove would help him double up as the infield coach. He's already got the resumé as he was the first base coach for the Braves up until 2010. He's also that guy who is not afraid to wear a snake around his neck. Who knows what kind of wacky zany things he could bring to the house.

Third Base Coach - Luis Polonia. One condition, he has to have the Jeri Curl. No Jeri Curl, no job.

Bullpen Coach - Storm Davis. Because, why not have that guy who has an unusual name living in the house trying to make up for having a unusual name by doing random things to everyone and eventually getting kicked out of the house? Sounds like a recipe for ratings if you ask me. That, and, he probably wouldn't mind not coaching for the Hickory Crawdads anymore.

The ratings for this show would be through the roof, even if the  coaching staff easily lost 100 games despite having what Weiss calls the "greatest home field advantage" in all of baseball. You wouldn't be alluding to not putting some baseballs into the humidor and then sneaking them on to the field of play when the Rockies are in need of a big hit are you? Of course not, that would be cheating. Which is why Canseco's number has been blocked. Good call Walter, good call. Baseball-wise at least. TV-wise, you may want to reach out to your old friend Jose, word is he'll still work for free.

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