Before you panic and trade your season tickets for bags of oranges on the freeway, my fellow Angels fans, I have good news. What Arte didn't spend on improving the team, he's making up for in kick-ass giveaways. They might not be as cool as the Pirates offering season ticket holders the opportunity to bat cleanup on Sunday games or run the franchise day at the trade deadline but the Angels are giving away some pretty nice keepsakes. The full list of promotions can be found here. What follows, dear Anaheim readers, is the list of crap I want and what I'm willing to pay for it...
5/10/11 Angels Wrestling Mask - Full shipping and I'll write 150 words about whatever you'd like me to. That could be anything from a post here to your E-Harmony profile to the eulogy for your uncle Clint. Let's face it, he's not doing so hot.
5/24/11 Kendry Morales Bobblehead - 1/2 shipping for broken leg model, one free rental at Blockbuster for healthy two legged model.
7/5/11 Angels Sock Monkey - Full shipping and an autographed picture of me from my high school roller hockey MVP season OR an autographed Wiffle Ball from the summer of 1993 when I struck out 39 hitters during a double header.
8/4/11 Angels Flat Billed Plaid Hat - You pay shipping and I agree never to wear it in public.
8/18/11 Angels Gnome Bobblehead - The rest of an authentic New Orleans muffuletta that I was eating until I realized I don't like olive salad. I'm willing to autograph the sandwich if you plan on incasing it in plastic instead of finishing it.
8/23/11 Angels Rally Monkey Chia Pet - This is my second favorite next to the wrestling mask so I'll pay the shipping. Plus I'll write a post about how sick I get after I try to smoke the Chia clippings.
9/24/11 Angels Gumball Machine - You pay airfare, food and liquor and I'll come live in your basement for a week.
If any of these wonderful prizes pique your interest, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or DM me on Twitter @mnkysthrwngdrts.
Prices and participation may vary. Offers are subject to change without notice.