Thursday, July 21, 2011

Adam Dunn Realizes He's Awful

Adam Dunn has spent the past two games watching the White Sox from the bench as baseball's version of a healthy scratch. While it was two of his better games in July, it gave him some time to reflect on his regrettable season. Despite owning Dunn in fantasy baseball, this is becoming one of my favorite stories of the year. Dunn, one of MLB's most consistent power hitters for 10 years, mysteriously turned into the little league kid who swings with his eyes closed.

Dunn's .158/.289/.299 line is embarrassingly the lowest of his otherwise underrated career. How bad has it gotten for Dunn? His .273 wOBA (weighted On Base Average) is the exact same as uber bust Brandon Wood. (Sorry to pick on you, Brandon. I'll still root for you when you're a Yuma Scorpion next year.) At least Dunn realizes he's a shell of the shell of his former self and even talked retirement with Yahoo! Sports...
“Flat out. I’ll go home. I mean that. Swear to goodness. I’ll. Go. Home. I enjoy playing. Even though I suck. Or have been sucking. I enjoy playing the game. Love it. But as soon as I lose that, I’m gone, dude. It’s true."


“How many games can you play doing this? This is ridiculous."
But Sox GM Kenny Williams shouldn't be expecting a check for the rest of Dunn's $56 million contract in the mail anytime soon. Dunn may acknowledge his suckitude and talk a good game about quitting but that doesn't mean he's actually going to...
“It’s not going to happen,” he says. “Zero chance. Zero. You can’t get this competition anywhere else, dude. I don’t care where you look. Nowhere else. It’s one-on-one, dude. And you can’t find that anywhere."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Adam, but what you're doing right now doesn't count as competition. I'd suggest taking up ping pong but with your recent struggles making contact with a ball maybe you'd be better served joining a Skee Ball league. I hear those dudes are getting pretty serious plus with enough tickets you can get a sweet mustache comb.

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