Jim Joyce Is Famous

In a busy night for baseball, the most talked about story tomorrow will be a safe call made by veteran umpire Jim Joyce. The Tigers' Armando Galaragga was one out away from the third perfect game of the season when Jim Joyce blew a call at first base. Jason Donald hit a ball that Miguel Cabrera had to field forcing Galaragga to cover first, which he did in time. Joyce called Donald safe as Galaragga began to celebrate. As you can tell by my screen grab, he was out. Well, that's what you'd see if I managed to get the bag in the picture. You can also tell from my screen grab that I'm not very good at screen grabs. That's why I get the big bucks!

Galaragga retired the next batter to complete the one hitter and Joyce was mobbed by irate Tigers. Unfortunately for us, it wasn't real tigers. This story would be much better. Seconds later, Joyce's Wikipedia page was updated for accuracy.



Before this post gets any uglier with my fabulous HTML skills, I'll leave you with the video replay of the blown call. It should be available for about 30 more minutes before MLB shuts down the Internet.



Important Twitter Update: From @TomLeyden Jim Joyce was distraught. "Most important call of my career and I kicked the s$&t out of it. I cost that kid a perfect game."

Ken Griffey Jr Opts For Retirement, More Naps

Mired in another disappointing season, the Seattle Mariners' best player in the history of their franchise has decided to hang them up. M's skipper Don Wakamatsu announced before tonight's game against the Twins that Ken Griffey Jr is retiring, effective immediately.

There is a lot that can be said about Griffey's return to the Mariners for his swan song. For example, it was an irresponsible waste of money by Seattle. Griffey was having a miserable season at the plate this year hitting .184/.250/.204 and even missed a pinch hit opportunity while napping in the clubhouse. And while I could make old jokes all day, I think today it would be better to just honor the man. After all, if it wasn't for the nagging injuries that marred his late career, Griffey would have easily been a top five player of all-time.

Let's take a look at some of the numbers courtesy of the fine people at Baseball Reference. Griffey hit 630 homeruns, good for a solid 5th place all time and will probably only be caught by Alex Rodriguez and maybe Albert Pujols. His career slash line is an impressive .284/.370/.538 that had some damage done to it over his final seasons. The number one overall pick in the 1987 draft finished in the top ten of MVP voting seven times.

Griffey won the AL MVP in 1997 while hitting 56 homeruns and .304/.382/.646. He had an even better season in 1994 when hit 40 homeruns and .323/.402/.674 (finished 2nd in MVP voting to Frank Thomas. Thomas hit 38 homeruns and a whopping .353/.487/.729. Insane).

So tonight, I'll raise a glass and toast to the Hall of Fame career of Ken Griffey Jr.

The Awesome Life Of Eric Byrnes

I love Eric Byrnes and so should you. I know what you're thinking. But surely, MTD, you realize he's the recipient of one of the worst contracts around (3 years, $30 M) and the poor D-Backs are still on the hook for $11 million this season. How can you love a guy who retired this year after being released by the Mariners? The Mariners. How can you love a guy who hit .094/.237/.156 and was worth negative $1.4 million this year? Well, I'll tell you why if you'd shut up for a second.

Eric Byrnes is leading a charmed life after retiring at the ripe old age of 34. Oh yeah, and he's raking in that cool $11 million from the D-Backs during his first year of retirement. This is why I love Eric Byrnes. This is his typical Wednesday...

... Surf. (I'm told the waves have been good lately.)

... Play 18 holes.

... Pull on the uniform of the Dutch Goose and represent the venerable Menlo Park burger-and-beer joint in a slowpitch softball league.

... Read his daughter a bedtime story.

Yeah, that's right. Eric Byrnes is crushing two or three homers a night as a ringer for the Dutch Goose in a softball beer league. Not only is that awesome but then he says stuff like this...

"Whether we go 0-for-4 or 4-for-4, the beer is still cold, and the burgers are still good.''

Who wouldn't want to hang out with that guy? And the Dutch Goose would be silly if they don't start selling jerseys instead of just t-shirts. Don't get me wrong, I'm still getting a t-shirt.

Okay, but what happens if he gets bored from not working like many retirees do (a concept that boggles my mind)? No problem. He has a part time job selling mattresses at Home Plate Furnishings. Need a new ottoman? Go see Byrnsey down at Home Plate Furnishings. He might even get you a deal on a new bedroom suite. I like oak myself, that's what's in my bedroom. How 'bout you Jimmie, you an oak man?

So yeah, that's why I love Eric Byrnes. And I suppose he might even deserve a few extra cool points for marrying a Miss California.

Curveballs for Jobu

Curveballs for Jobu is Off Base Percentage's daily trip around the ballparks.

Today's honorary bat boy: Wayne Tolleson




Pirates 3, Cubs 2. All the Pirates do is beat the Cubs. Native Pittsburghian Neil Walker's two-run home run off Theodore Lilly in the eighth was the difference. Meanwhile the Cubs got a single from Xavier Nady in the seventh, then the vaunted trio of Javier Lopez, Joel Hanranhan and Octavio Dotel retired the final seven in order. They're already calling them JavHanTel at PNC Park.

Rangers 9, Whitesox 6. Another scoreless outing with two strikeouts for Darren Oliver, who at 72-years old is having the best season of his career.

Darren Oliver Fact of the Day

Oliver signed with Arizona on April 12, 2005, was released by the Diamondbacks, May 3, signed with the Cubs on May 7 and released on May 20. That's like in 1995 when I worked three days at Wendys, quit because I saw a guy pick a piece of meat off his shirt and toss it into the chili, started working at the Italian restaurant the next day, but Mr. Anotelli was always yelling at me, so after my second day, I quit.

Astros 8, Nationals 7. If I know Jim Riggleman, and I like to think that I do, this should be the start of a long losing streak for the Nationals.

Braves 7, Phillies 3. Are the Braves the best team in the National League? Certainly seems that way, and it's painful to say that because I don't want anything good to happen to Chip Caray.


Good Carrey


Bad Caray

The 12 worst days of Andy Hawkins' life

1990 was not a good year to be a Yankees fan. I cried in my basement on more than 65 occasions that spring and summer. July 1 was the worst of the days: Andy Hawkins throws eight no-hit innings at Comiskey Park and loses, 4-0 to the Whitesox.

I don't mean to bring up old, horrifying memories; encourage anyone to remember Stump Merrill....but take a look at Hawkins' two starts after the lost no-hitter:


July 6: the Yanks lose game one of a doubleheader to the Twins, 2-0 in 12 innings (we couldn't stop Gene Larkin: 3-for-4, RBI). Hawkins went 11 2/3 innings before allowing run-scoring singles to Brian Harper and Larkin.

11 2/3 innings!

I think it took Jaret Wright five starts in 2006 to get to 11 2/3 innings.

July 12: Hawkins gives up eight earned in 4 1/3 innings in an 8-0 loss. Whitesox pitcher Melido Perez, later a Yankee, throws a no-hitter in six rain-shortened innings.


Quick recap:


Start No. 1 - Throws no-hitter; loses 4-0

Start No. 2 - Pitches 11 2/3 innings, allows two runs with two outs in the 12th inning; loses 2-0

Start No. 3 - Allows eight runs in 4 1/3 innings; loses 8-0; opposing pitcher throws no-hitter



Andy Hawkins autographed 1989 Donruss card [Estimated value: four nose hairs]

He's Coming...

MLB.com put the world on alert today when they announced Jesus Christ himself Stephen Strasburg will make his return to Earth debut on June 8th against the Pirates Pirates. Word on the street is that the Marlins are already selling tickets to his perfect game regardless of where it happens.

Stephen Strasburg was the number one pick in last year's amateur draft. He's already on track to lead the Nationals out of ruin and to many championships. He's a first ballot Hall Of Famer and slayed Hitler in Vietnam.

Godspeed young Jedi.

Weekly Cup Of Joe

I prefer to think of this as more of a tribute to Fire Joe Morgan than a blatant ripoff. But who are we really kidding here?

Tuesday means there's a new Joe chat at the Four Letter. Let's grab us a nugget of wisdom...

Matt (NM)

Joe, you and Orel talked about "quality strikes" on Sunday. What's a quality strike?

Joe Morgan (11:13 AM)

That's a great question. I feel badly if we didn't explain it properly. I take pride in explaining myself on the air. There are three parts to the plate, outside corner, inside corner and middle. You want to stay out of the middle. Most hitters can handle the ball on the middle of the plate. Some players have trouble with the inside corner or outside corner. A quality strike is one that stays low and is middle in or middle out. Just stay out of the middle of the plate. Good question.

Okay, just to recap... Three parts of the plate; outside corner, inside corner and middle. Gotcha. Stay out of the middle. Good, fine. Stay middle in or middle out, just not middle. Of course, wait, what? Is middle in part of the middle or inside corner or left side right? Are there now five parts to the plate? How many parts of the plate does Vlad Guerrero have? Because I've seen him hit one out that was upside topsy-turvy.

All I think I learned is don't throw it straight down the middle of the plate. That's not a quality strike. You know, unless it's a strike.

Thank god they put Rob Neyer on directly after Joe. It helps stop my brain from melting.

Curveballs for Jobu

Curveballs for Jobu is Off Base Percentage's daily trip around the ballparks.

Today's honorary bat boy: Billy Jo Robidoux




Pirates 2, Cubs 1. The first of an estimated four mentions of the Buccos here at CFJ over the course of the next four months. Pittsburgh beat Chicago for the eighth time in the last nine meetings, dating back to last September. The last time the Cubs beat Pittsburgh, Sam Fuld doubled off Eric Hacker in an at bat the Fuld and Hacker families still talk about.

Rockies 4, Giants 0. Ubaldo Jimenez-CG, 4 H, 9 K-has allowed seven earned runs this season. Somewhere, Dave LaPoint is sanding his deck.



Nationals 14, Astros 4. A team managed by Jim Riggleman is 26-26 and 3 1/2 games out of first.

Bluejays 3, Devilrays 2. Is there a stat more ridiculous than the hold? You know what a hold is? A save, but smellier. Scott Downs came on in the 8th with Toronto up 3-0. He struck out Gabe Kapler, but allowed a triple to B.J. Upton, who scored on a Willy Aybar ground out after Shawn Camp relieved Downs. That's one out recorded, one triple scalded, and two runs scored-one his own, which = 13th hold of the year for Downs.

Dodgers 5, Diamondbacks 4. The Diamondbacks not only employ Gerardo Parra, but have allowed him to bat 94 times, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that LA won when Esmerling Vazquez balked home the winning run in the bottom of the ninth. Good news for Vazquez, though: he's only the 14th-worst pitcher to toe the rubber for Arizona in 2010.