Sunday, December 2, 2012

Trout Jersey Sells Big on eBay, MTD is Beside Himself

Poor MJ. Mike Trout's offseason for him has been the equivalent to that one Christmas where his parents promised him a new ride and surprised him with a one month bus pass. Next stop, the bar.

First, Trout got snubbed in the Gold Glove Award voting (Adam Jones? Really?). Luckily, the BBWAA got something right and unanimously voted Trout as the Rookie of the Year. Then they undid all that good in the MVP vote. Furniture, mirrors, stoneware, nothing was safe. Many hours of therapy, along with the viewing of this video, had Mr. Lloyd almost back to normal. Almost.

On Nov. 9th, an item that was up for auction on eBay closed. The item had 27 bids on it. The item was Mike Trout's AA jersey which sold for $2,524.00. What people don't know is that bid #26 (as well as numbers 2,5,8,12,20,22 and 24) belonged to MJ, and with seven seconds left, almost certain the jersey was his, a late bid swooped in leaving MJ no time to recover. I warned MJ that $2,500 was simply too much money for this jersey, but he insisted that he needed it. That the jersey would sit nicely above his Mike Trout shrine which currently includes Trout's used dryer sheets and half finished pouches of Capri Sun.

Now that a few weeks have passed, a disgruntled MJ was willing to open up with me about the startling upset. Even at the risk of violating his restraining order, Here's what MJ had to say:

"It's heartbreaking, it really is. I really thought that I had it. I made the mistake of going to the bathroom when there was a couple of minutes left. It was in the bag. When I got back and saw that I had been outbid, I couldn't move. By the time I regained something resembling consciousness, it was too late. The next couple of weeks were a blur. I slept with my Mike Trout signed baseball bat every night. I'm making progress though. Yesterday I saw sunlight for the first time since that day. I'm still holding the bat wherever I go. Hopefully, I wont make the same mistake going forward. I'm taking absolutely no chances during this auction for Mike Trout's socks that he is wearing right now. Not even sleep will get in the way. I have an IV drip of black coffee going to keep me awake. And yes, that is a bedpan at my feet."

As you can see, MTD is still wildly delusional. I checked eBay for the sock listing, it doesn't exist. After speaking with his girlfriend, she intimated that the computer screen he has been sitting in front of, is not plugged in. She did confirm the coffee IV, and that MJ has been carrying around the signed Mike Trout bat, but disproved the sunshine tale, saying that he "watched Eternal Sunshine" for the first time.

I think it's good that MJ didn't win the bidding. $2,500 is a lot of cheddar. You could buy both my first and second cars and you would will have $1,500 leftover. With his unexpected saving of money he could maybe send me that Fudgie the Whale cake I was promised for my birthday. I'm not quite as delusional as MTD, but I will admit to carrying a fork around in my back pocket for the last month in anticipation of that cake's chocolaty goodness. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put on my official, game worn, Mike Trout, AA jersey. This thing is awesome.


  1. You were just saving him from himself. Plus, I'm sure the jersey smells like stardom, which is irresistible.