Montero's Big Day

The Yankees and Orioles provided a four-hour lesson in how not to pitch today as the teams combined to allow 40 base-runners and New York hung on for an 11-10 victory to move 2 1/2 games up on Boston in the AL East. But the story wasn't about how much Brian Matusz stinks, it was about highly-touted prospect Jesus Montero.

Facing Jim Johnson in an 8-8 game in the fifth, the right-handed hitting Montero went the other way for his first big league home run, a no-doubt shot into the right field bleachers. Vinny from Jersey led the chants for Montero to come out and take a curtain call and the 21-year old obliged. Montero wasn't done. With the Yankees still clinging to that 9-8 lead in the seventh, Montero did it again, crushing a fast ball to almost the same spot in the RF seats for a two-run home run. Curtain call No. 2.

It's really, really early in Montero's career, but so far things have gone well. In four games, he's 5-for-13 (.385) with today's two home runs and three RBIs, and he looks comfortable at the plate. And it'd be easy to say "well, he hit two home runs against the Orioles; the Orioles smell like someone threw up in a sweaty tube sock," and you'd be right. But Johnson has been one of the better relievers in the American League and Montero took him deep twice.

Montero could also be forcing his way onto the Yankees' hopeful post-season roster (they haven't clinched anything yet), which means these last few weeks of the regular season may be the last time we see Jorge Posada and Jorge Posada's ears in pinstripes.

Umpires Now Escorted To Games By Stormtroopers

We finally have photographic evidence that MLB umpires do indeed work for the dark side of the force. They're evil. Frankly, I'm surprised Joe West only ejects players and managers instead of electrocuting them with lightning bolts from his hands. And let's face it, Bud Selig is looking more like the Emperor every day.

Or it was Star Wars day at AT&T Park. That would actually make more sense. The Sci-Fi promotional day catered to Bay area nerds with a pregame costume contest party and a postgame screening of The Empire Strikes Back. More importantly, the Giants gave away this sweet Brian Wilson-Han Solo frozen in carbonite figurine thingy.


If that doesn't help you score with the ladies, it's probably because you're covered in Cheeto dust. Seriously, clean yourself up, man.

Unfortunately for Giants fans, Stars Wars day at AT&T wasn't all droids high-fiving and Wookies chugging beer. The Giants lost to the Diamondbacks 4-1 and fell seven games behind Arizona in the West. Cody Ross hit a lead-off home run but the Giants only managed a Carlos Beltran triple and an Aubrey Huff single for the rest of the game.

It's going to take a miracle the size of Luke Skywalker destroying the Death Star for the Giants to make the playoffs. Although it wouldn't surprise me if Tim Lincecum used to bull's-eye womp rats in his T-16 back home.

The Braves Have A Cursed Locker

Living in New Orleans, I'm familiar with ghost tours, haunted hotels and drinking early in the day. So I believe the Braves when they say they have a cursed locker which just claimed Julio Lugo as its most recent victim. Starting with the opening of Turner Field in 1997, the unlucky occupant of the locker next to where Greg Maddux used to sit never made it back the following year. This season has been no different as the locker appears especially cursed...

This year, four Braves have sat in that locker and lived to regret it. Joe Mather was released, Cristhian Martinez was demoted to the minors and Jordan Schafer was traded to the Astros. Lugo was its latest “victim.”

Braves general manager Frank Wren only half-kiddingly instructed clubhouse attendant Chris Van Zant Friday to board it up with plywood Friday.

Lugo was released on Friday to make room for the freshly acquired Jack Wilson. In Lugo's defense, I didn't even realize he was on the Braves until they released him. Lugo hit .136/.208/.136 in 48 plate appearances while filling in around the infield. The Dominican short stop is almost 36-years-old so there's a chance the Giants might be interested.

There is one known exception to the curse. Kenshin Kawakami lasted for more than one season in the locker (2009-2010) and has an 8.10 ERA at Double-A to show for it this year. Jeff Blauser was the first victim of the evil locker of doom but shared the same outcome with Bret Boone, Robert Fick, Wally Joyner, Ken Caminiti and a host of other players most of us don't remember.

Greg Maddux is still getting players out in retirement. That's much more impressive than whatever Roger Clemens is doing in court these days.

Torii Hunter Is Getting Better At Twitter

Angels outfielder and all-around-good-guy Torii Hunter has been on Twitter for a while now (@ToriiHunter48) but he finally seems to be getting the hang of it. While he isn't going to be as controversial or fan friendly as the great Logan Morrison (@LoMoMarlins), Hunter appears to be posting more on the social network and he's finally sharing the good stuff. After the Angels split a rather disappointing four game series with the Mariners, Hunter settled in for the plane ride home and had this to share...


Kendrick is quietly enjoying the best season of his career with a .297/.351/.467 line and personal bests 14 home runs and a 5.3 fWAR (Fangraphs wins above replacement). And he might be closing in on a career high HSIM (hot sauce in mouth). But he seems to be upbeat about it...


Zing!


Oh no he din't. I kid but this exchange is actually funnier than any "My Wife and Kids" episode you're watching on ABC Family right now.

Scorpions To Make A Move?

With the news that 50-year old Howard Johnson was coming out of retirement to play for the Rockland Boulders of the Independent Can-Am League, the Yuma Scorpions of the North American Baseball League, led by player-manager Jose Canseco, are expected to make a move.

Offbase received an official transcript from inside the Scorpions war room where Canseco, his brother Ozzie, a photograph of Robert Redford and an imaginary canary named Bernie were meeting to discuss a counter move to the Boulders' signing of Johnson.

[6:51 p.m. MST]

Jose - OK. Listen, Rockland got Johnson. What do we do?

Ozzie - Is....

Jose (interrupting) - Wait, shut up! Is Tom Brunansky available?

Ozzie, speaking as the photograph of Robert Redford - Last I heard he was playing for the Covington Sparrows.

Jose - What league do they play in?

Ozzie/Redford photo - I made them up.

Jose - OK, photo of Robert Redford, could you please step outside the room for five minutes?

[Ozzie places photo on the floor outside the door. Closes door.]

Thank you.

Ozzie - Wait a minute, I think I've got it: Alou.

Jose - Moises?! That's great. He could play left field and...

Ozzie (interrupting) - No, Felipe Alou.

Jose - Felipe. (thinking). Let's send a scout to wherever he's playing tomorrow night.

Ozzie - Well, he retired in 1974, but I think if we tell him about all Yuma has to offer, he'd be up for taking a pay cut to be the fourth outfielder.

Jose - What does Yuma have to offer?

Ozzie - That Chinese restaurant that gives you extra orange slices.

Jose - OK, good. Who else?

Ozzie - F.P. Santangelo?

[Everyone laughs]

Jose - Seriously, though: any other suggestions?

Bernie the canary (whispering in Jose's ear) - What about Howard Johnson?

Jose - I like it, I like it a lot. Is he signed with anyone?

Ozzie - Rumor is he signed with the Rockland Boulders.

Jose - What if we try to lure Johnson away from Rockland?

Ozzie - Well, he signed with the team mainly so he could play with his son.

Jose - OK, so we tell Johnson that his son actually plays for Yuma. Then we get the son AND we get Howard Johnson!

Ozzie/Redford photo - Maybe the team is fine the way it is.

Jose - That's it, photograph of Robert Redford, you're on the bench tonight!


Editor's note: Bernie the canary flew out of an open window, Jose canceled batting practice and then tried to hail a taxi to the sun.


[Transcript ends.]

Baby Giraffe Meets Brandon Belt, Or Vice Versa

In a story so sickeningly adorable I actually threw up in a pink Red Sox hat, Brandon Belt recently took pictures with the baby giraffe named after him. While the Giants rookie first baseman isn't enjoying the ROY caliber season many of us expected, Belt did become the recipient of a nickname spreading in popularity just as quickly as teammate Pablo Sandoval's "Kung-Fu Panda" did. Announcer Duane Kuiper bestowed the nickname "Baby Giraffe" upon Belt due to his, let's say, lack of grace in the outfield.

The fans like it and so does Six Flags Animal Kingdom which named a giraffe born last Friday after the Giant. The giraffe Brandon, 6'2, is already closing in on the real Brandon, 6'5. All right, get ready to be nauseated by cuteness. Here are the pictures of the two meeting thanks to The Veteran and the Rook blog...


Brandon explaining,"Opulence, I has it."


Baby Giraffe caught looking at an 0-2 off speed pitch.


Tim Lincecum is going to be so pissed Brandon Belt fed that to a giraffe.

HoJo Coming Out Of Retirement, Finally

In 1995, Howard Johnson posted a .195/.330/.355 line for the Chicago Cubs during his final season in the majors. But HoJo, ever the career baseball man/hotel chain, remained in the game in some capacity until earlier this year when the Mets dumped him as their hitting coach. Instead of trying to further his coaching career, the former Met star will man first base for the Rockland Boulders of the Independent Can-Am League.

Before you think Johnson, a ripe 50-years-old, is just another delusional former big leaguer clinging to his past *cough*JoseCanseco*cough*and*cough*youtooTonyPhillips*cough*, HoJo has a good excuse for signing an independent league contract. He will be suiting up to play along side his son, Glen...

"The most exciting thing is I get a chance to do something most dads never get a chance to do," Johnson said Tuesday night in a phone interview. "But I really just hope that I make contact."

Ah see, that's a nice story and I'm rooting for the father-son teammates. The closest my dad and I ever came to participating in a sporting event together was when I pitched in $20 for a box trifecta in the Kentucky Derby. It would have taken longer to just burn that money.

HoJo spent 14 years in the majors, most notably with the Mets from 1985-1993. He won a World Series with the Tigers in 1984 logging one pinch hit at bat and then again in 1986 with Mets also without providing much help. In 1989, he hit 36 home runs and a .287/.369/.559 line good for a career peak 7.3 fWAR.

Joe Nathan Flexed Veto Power

Joe Nathan was offered the Jim Thome way out of Minnesota Tuesday night but the Twins closer exercised his 10-and-5 (10 years of MLB service, five years with the same team) rights to stay put. Finding themselves 18 games out of the AL Central race, the Twins were nice enough to offer the escape option to Nathan and Thome. Thome was claimed on waivers by the Indians and, after waiving his no trade clause, was traded to Cleveland who is adorably still pretending to be a contender. Nathan, on the other hand, was given 30 minutes or less to decide if he would welcome a trade...

"The tough part was the timing," Nathan said. "They came to me with 30 minutes left until the deadline."

snip

"It seemed the smart decision for us to say we're not going to waive [the 10-and-5 rights]," Nathan said. "It's nice to be here and have a chance to possibly be with this club again next year. We'll see what that brings."

While the Twins were able to pass Nathan through waivers in early August, the team denied they were in trade talks about the 36-year-old reliever. I'm sure the Angels would have balked at any asking price for Nathan but surely the Giants (injured Brian Wilson) or Rangers (collecting arms like it's the Cold War) would have shown some interest.

Instead, Nathan will remain in Minnesota presumably because the Target Field walleye-on-a-stick is the bomb, yo. Nathan has a $12.5 million club option for 2012 that will get bought out for $2 million unless the two sides can come to another agreement.

Nathan is under two years removed from Tommy John surgery but is on the wrong side of 35-years-old unless he has presidential aspirations. Nathan's 5.02/4.55/4.21 (ERA/FIP/xFIP) pitching line isn't inspiring a lot of confidence even if this is his first season back from the TJ. He showed some promise in June only allowing one earned run in 11.1 innings but coughed up six in August over nine innings.

Maybe next year will be a nice rebound for him and the Twins. Or not. One thing is certain though. You can buy deep fried fish on a stick at every home game.