Friday, September 6, 2013

Happy Birthday, MTD

The man, the myth, the legend - at least that's what he keeps telling me. But he keeps allowing me to post dribble here, so I'm just going to go with it - ages another year today. That's one small step for man, one step closer to a prostate exam and a colostomy bag. Pro tip: Don't let the bag tear. Not even a little.

It should be a good day for MJ. The Angels are playing, meaning he can watch Mike Trout push his 9.4 fWAR closer to 10.0. I've also already arranged for all bars in the Biloxi area to fully stock up on bourbon for tonight. Most of the bar owners noticed my northern tier accent, told me to "piss of, you damn Yankee" and then hung up the phone. But I'm pretty sure that my message got through to them.

MJ likes to point out that he shares a birthday with Joe DiMaggio's brother, Vince DiMaggio. Also that Mitch Moreland and Mark Teahen were born on this day. But it is also the birth-date of Marquis de Lafayette, French hero of the American Revolution. Which, depending on whether you are for, or against, a monarchy, is either a positive or a negative. But it is definitely more interesting than me sharing a birthday with Carlos Mencia.

Other baseball players include current Oakland Athletics reliever, Jerry Blevins as well as former Marlin, Cub, Pirate, Derrick Lee. But bonus points are awarded for sharing a birthday with Leo Carillo. What? You don't know who Leo Carillo is? He's only the actor who played the Cisco Kid's sidekick, Pancho, in the popular 1950's TV show.

Only one baseball Hall of Famer was born on this date, and that is Red Faber. He was only good for an OPS of .401 for his career, but he did win 254 games for the White Sox from 1914 to 1933. If only he hadn't been sick with influenza during the 1919 season. Maybe Joe Jackson would never have been a part of that fix.

Also born on this date, an elder statesman in trippy rock music, Roger Waters. My calculator broke trying to correctly identify how many points this was worth. I guess this means that MJ wins the internet. But since my calculator is no longer useful, I'm going to have to use money that I was saving for the Mike Trout birthday cake I was having made for today. I guess we are going to have to go with the backup Daric Barton cake. Sorry, MJ, but dems da shakes.

Spiked fruit punch and hangover bloody Mary's for everybody. Happy birthday, MJ, enjoy some Grey Goose for me.

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