Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Top-ish Story Lines of 2013

Cubs fans still can't watch
With pitchers and catchers voluntary reporting date only five days away, my baseball withdrawals have gone from manageable to unbearable. I have the night time sweats, clammy palms and random abdominal pains, and these symptoms get worse when I try to remember the exact amount of seconds remaining until reporting time, or when I read about what Joe Flacco's idiot agent said the other day. With all of that being said, rambling about baseball is the only methadone-like treatment that seems to help. So, without further adieu, My top story lines for the 2013 season.

Will Alex Rodriguez play in 2013? - This could also be titled, "Will the Yankees try commit fraud in 2013?" After talking to quite a few Yankees fans, the general consensus is that if A-Rod doesn't play, the season will be a success. Sure his teammates might like his antics, but fans despise him. His recovery time is listed at six-ish months meaning that he could be back by late June, which means I should set up my New York Yankee Fans Suicide Prevention Hotline sometime in the next couple of months.

Welcome to the AL West, Houston Astros. - Oh goodie. Last season the Astros lost 107 games playing in the NL Central which sported a cumulative winning percentage of .476. Now, they are joining the AL West which had the best winning percentage in the American League last year at .542. In 1899 the Cleveland Spiders of the National League lost 134 games, good for a winning percentage of .130.  To tie that winning percentage mark, the Astros would have to lose 141 games, Let's make this happen.

Will the Dodgers money printing machine falter? - This is the only logical explanation for their winter spending spree right? Sure they signed a $7B TV deal and are starting their own network, but they are the first time other than the Yankees to have a $200M+ payroll, and I can't be the only one who remembers how well those former Red Sox players failed under the pressure of huge payroll expectations. Who else is rooting for a misappropriation of funds?

How will the Upton brothers perform? - Raise your hand if you have brothers *raises hand*. Raise your hand if you have ever fought with you brothers *raises hand*. Each year the MLB Network has a reality TV show, and now that they don't have the option of following a Jose Guillen led team, and still aren't returning my calls about a show that revolves around arbitration cases, this one seems like a sure fire ratings winner.

Is the 106th season the season? - Everyone knows when the last time the Cubs won the World Series was, and lost in all of the Houston Astros glory last year was that the Cubs lost 101 games. Theo Epstein knows how to reverse a curse, and so far has made smart moves to try and turn around this franchise. But is it in the tarot cards this year for the inhabitants of the "Friendly Confines?" Probably not, but once they hit a winning streak of three games, be prepared for an onslaught of ESPN love.

That should hold me over for *checks pocket watch* 30 minutes. Hurry up baseball, some of us simply cannot take the waiting any longer.

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