Brad Penny Is Engaged To Some Hot Chick

I've never seen Dancing With The Stars. I watched the first couple of seasons of So You Think You Can Dance but that's because I had a girlfriend at the time and thought I had a bright future in popping and locking. Anyway, like I said, I've never seen DWTS so I don't know who Karina Smirnoff is, but that's why God invented Google Images. I guess she's pretty hot if you go for that tan, sexy, smoking body look. She recently announced her engagement to pitcher Brad Penny, take it away AHN...

"Dancing with the Stars" dancing pro Karina Smirnoff is a fiancée again. The 32-year-old ballroom dancing champ has revealed that she is engaged to her baseball player boyfriend Brad Penny.

Smirnoff showed off her engagement ring Saturday at the fifth anniversary for TAO in Las Vegas. According to usmagazine.com, since Penny couldn't be at the event, he sent his soon-to-be bride an Everlon Diamond Knot necklace in a fortune cookie.

If you're keeping score at home, Brad Penny has now dated Alyssa Milano, Eliza Dushku and is engaged to Smirnoff. Chicks must really dig that career 4.11 ERA and 3.98 FIP. Either that or diamonds and cookies. The fact that I went with stats first might explain why I'm single.

Penny made 9 starts for the Cardinals and over those 55.2 innings posted a 3.23/3.40/3.77 (ERA/FIP/xFIP) line. I don't think that's worth the $7.5 million he got paid but he clearly needed the diamond money.

Matt Kemp's Golden Sombrero

A golden sombrero is awarded to a player who manages to strike out four times in a single game (real golden sombrero not included). It's quite the feat unless you're Ryan Howard or Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately, cycles and no-hitters are all the rage nowadays. Not for me, though. I will pour over the box scores to bring you the finest at swinging and missing.

Aaarggghhh. Well, I got one day off from awarding a Sombrero. I swear, these things are starting to haunt me. I thought this would be a fun little segment with some cheap tequila and pinata blooper videos. Now it's an every day chore and the tequila has just made me an angry drunk and I'm out of pinata videos. I even kicked Youtube in the crotch out of frustration and too much Costco tequila. I was almost through all of the box scores today when I came across the Dodgers game. Lo and behold, Matt Kemp managed to 0-4 with 4 strikeouts on 15 pitches. It's a good thing Alyssa Milano is a big Dodgers fan and I'm still in love with her from when I was 10 or I'd make some serious idle threats about Kemp and the Dodgers. Let's go to the at bats before I go write about more strikeouts...

Bottom 1st: Kemp struck out swinging against Jason Marquis. 3 pitches. Just like a Dodger fan, Kemp was planning on getting out of there by the 7th inning to beat traffic.

Bottom 3rd: Kemp struck out swinging against Jason Marquis again. 4 pitches. Patience young Jedi.

Bottom 6th: Kemp struck out swinging against Miguel Batista. 4 pitches. I don't know why he was in such a hurry. Entourage doesn't come on until late even on the West Coast.

Bottom 7th: Kemp struck out swinging against Tyler Clippard. 4 pitches. At least he could still beat traffic.