Curveballs for Jobu 8/31/11

Curveballs for Jobu is the daily trip around the ballparks Offbasepercentage keeps forgetting to take.

Today's honorary bat boy is Jody Davis.


[Davis' autographed 1988 Fleer. Estimated value: 11 Pop Tart crumbs]



Yankees 5, Redsox 2. This series started, I don't know if you heard anything about it, but New York pulled to within a half game of Boston behind a gutsy (excruciating) six innings from C.C. Sabathia, who gave up a ton of base-runners but got big outs when he needed to. Frankie Cervelli crushed a home run off the Ugliest Man on Earth™ and provided his usual assortment of fist pumps. Also: big work from the bullpen by Boone Logan, Rafael Soriano and Momar-2 2/3 IP, 2 H, and the play of the day was Brett Gardner's running catch on Marco Scutaro's fly ball in the 8th, which if not caught could've caused problems. Instead, I slow-danced with a loaf of bread when he made the catch.

Tigers 2, Royals 1 (10). Tied in the 10th and need a big hit? Let Ramon Santiago playa' hate. The Detroit second baseman hit a walk-off home run against Aaron Crow to keep the Tigers five up in the Central.

Marlins 6, Mets 0. Javier Vazquez picked up his 2,500th strike out in his win over the Mets. Marlins fans making the trip to New York for the game had plenty to say about the milestone:

Indians 6, Athletics 2. Fantasy Watch-Lou Marson: 1-for-3, run scored.

Cardinals 2, Brewers 1. Edwin Jackson pitched seven innings of one-run ball and singled in the go-ahead run to lead St. Louis. Unfortunately for the Cards, still 9 1/2 back in the NL Central, their petition to have the regular season extended to 185 games was denied.

Astros 8, Pirates 2. Angel Sanchez: DNP

Nationals 9, Braves 2. Livan Hernandez continues to make all 54-year old men look bad, as he pitched seven innings of two-run ball to win his 8th game. As for the NL Wild Card-leading Braves, three of Jair Jurrjens' last four starts: 17 IP, 16 ER. Those starts came against Washington, twice, and San Francisco, which actually doesn't even have an offense any more, they just send up cardboard cut outs of Willie McCovey in different poses.

Phillies 9, Reds 0. Raul Ibanez hit a home run!




Other games, but down here....

Diamondbacks 9, Rockies 4
Orioles 6, Bluejays 5 (10)
Whitesox 8, Twins 6
Rangers 2, Devilrays 0
Dodgers 8, Padres 5
Angels 13, Mariners 6
Cubs 5, Giants 2

Mike Trout Had An Eventful Day

On Tuesday, the Angels announced they will send baseball wunderkind Mike Trout to play in the Arizona Fall League after their season concludes. This wasn't surprising news as many of the game's top prospects extend their season by playing in the AFL but Trout's destination added to the anticipation. Trout will be roaming the same Scottsdale Scorpions outfield as fellow phenom Bryce Harper giving the defending AFL champions the top two prospects in baseball. While the news is exciting, it was Trout's play on Tuesday night that left me breathing into a paper bag.

Trout got one of his occasional starts against Seattle Mariners southpaw Anthony Vasquez and made the most of it. In the second inning, Trout crushed a 3-2 changeup 408 feet for a solo home run and followed that up by hitting an outside curve out of the park for a three-run home run in the fourth inning. His next plate appearance wasn't nearly as dramatic as he drew a bases-loaded walk for his fifth RBI of the night.

Since being recalled from Double-A, Trout has only been able to rack up 25 plate appearances and Angels fans are clamoring for more. Albeit a very small sample size, Trout is hitting .409/.480/1.000 with four home runs during his second tour of the majors. Unfortunately for Trout, Vernon Wells is hitting .400/.471/.700 over the same stretch in an attempt to dissuade management from euthanizing him.

Of course, Trout's hot hitting could force the Angels hand as they desperately need an offensive spark down the stretch. The Angels remain 3.5 games behind the Rangers with about a month to go. If Trout stays hot and can somehow carry the Angels to the postseason, his name will likely be one of the first removed from AFL participation.

Either way, I have a fever and there's only one cure for it. More Mike Trout.

Nelson Cruz And Hamstring At Odds Again

The Rangers managed to batter Angels' co-aces Dan Haren and Jered Weaver over the weekend to reclaim a three game lead over their division foes but didn't escape the series unscathed. Outfielder Nelson Cruz pulled up lame on the basepath Sunday night and left the game. Cruz, playing in his 113th game of the season, was getting dangerously close to his career high 128 games played set in 2009 and his disgruntled hamstring had had enough of that nonsense.

Cruz and his hamstring have been mired in many domestic disputes for years now presumably over the choices the former has made about couches for their Texas abode. There's also the matter of running which Cruz's hamstring is adamantly against and was disappointed it had to bring it up again. Nevertheless, Cruz forced the issue on Sunday after he tried to stretch a hit into a double and his hamstring responded by tightening up as if it was preparing for prison rape.

After some tests, it appears Cruz will miss three weeks with the strain and was injected with platelet-rich plasma to speed the recovery. When reached for comment, Cruz's hamstring yelled out a few obscenities and blamed "Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre for ruining its acting career. Doctors explained the hamstring was suffering from exhaustion and was heavily doped up by the plasma.

With 28 home runs, Cruz was close to topping his career high 33 in 2009 but the .270/.322/.531 line wasn't exactly stacking up to his .318/.374/.576 production from last year when his hamstring was rumored to be involved in a torrid love affair with Khloe Kardashian.

Curveballs for Jobu 8/28/11

Curveballs for Jobu is the trip around the ballparks Offbasepercentage keeps forgetting to take.

Today's honorary bat boy is Jody Reed.


[Reed autographed 1991 Score card. Estimated value: 8 kidney beans]


Indians 8, Royals 7. Cleveland trailed 7-5 in the bottom of the eighth when Asdrubal Cabrera launched a three-run home run to put the Tribe ahead for good. That was Cabrera's 21st home run, which leads all Asdrubals.

Pirates 7, Cardinals 0. Chris Carpenter came into his Saturday start with a 2.33 ERA in 19 career starts against the Pittsburgh, but the Overbays got to the right-hander for six earned. That's not only the most he's ever allowed to the Pirates, but the most since surrendering seven to the Reds May 15. You know who else gave up seven runs that day? Brian Duensing.

Angels 8, Rangers 4. The California Angels Based Out of Anaheim hit five home runs Saturday, including one from rookie Mike Trout, MTD's new imaginary boyfriend since Chase Utley extended the restraining order to 1,000 feet.

MTD after Trout's home run: "I want to take him to prom."

Devilrays 6, Bluejays 5. While watching this game I was forced to look at this logo



and that wasn't a nice thing for the Bluejays to do.

Tigers 6, Twins 4. Carl Pavano: 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 2 HR, LOSS.

Dodgers 7, Rockies 6 (11). A day after becoming the fastest Dodger to reach the 30-30 plateau, Matt Kemp hit a walk-off home run in the 11th as LA won its fifth straight game.

Whitesox 3, Mariners 0. Ken Harrelson's pick to click, Johnny Danksy, twirled a three-hit shut out and had 10 hegones! The Seattle offense, which had been lost for months, was finally spotted in a grocery store parking lot in Livingston, Montana.

"I told you it was in Livingston!"

- Fake Mariners fan fighting with his girlfriend

Diamondbacks 3, Padres 1. Fantasy Watch: Aaron Cunningham: 0-for-4.

Yankees at Orioles DH ppd John Habyan
Marlins at Phillies DH ppd hot dog bun riot
Braves at Mets ppd Chip Caray skinned knee



Other games, but down here....

Reds 6, Nationals 3
Brewers 6, Cubs 4
Redsox 9-4, Athletics 3-0
Giants 2, Astros 1 (10)

Strasburg Looks Good in Syracuse

Stephen Strasburg took another step towards possibly rejoining the Washington Nationals in September. The right-hander, coming off Tommy John Surgery and making his fifth rehab start and first with the Triple-A Syracuse Chiefs, threw five perfect innings against the Rochester Red Wings (Twins affiliate) before the dynamic duo of Aaron Bates and Steve Holm led off the top of the sixth with consecutive singles.

Craig Stammen, who reportedly is going to have Craig Stammen Surgery after the 2011 season, allowed one of the inherited runners to score, so Strasburg's final line was 5 IP, 2 H, 1 ER, 7 K. That's a lot better than the 23-year old pitched with the Single-A Hagerstown Suns when he made three starts and allowed seven earned runs in just 6 1/3 IP (though most of the damage came in the middle start when he allowed five earned runs). Strasburg also made one start with the Single-A Potomac Nationals and threw three, two-hit innings and struck out five.

The saddest part about Strasburg's start Saturday is that Rochester right fielder Brian Dinkelman went 0-for-2 with a strike out. That means Brian Dinkelman Bobblehead Night, scheduled for Rochester's next home game, August 30 against Pawtucket, has been cancelled.

An Open Letter to the New York Yankees

Dear Yankees,

My name is Derwood Morris and I am speaking on behalf of all frustrated Yankees fans in regards to a person by the name of A.J. Burnett. Maybe you remember Mr. Burnett-he's the guy on the team everyone hates. Well, to put it quite simply: we've had enough. We've had enough of the 36-pitch innings; we've had enough of him not getting out of the third inning; we've had enough of the diarrhea accidents on the mound (speculation).

When a pitcher has more tattoos than perfect innings, that's a problem.


[NOTE: at last count it was unofficially 67-to-59 tattoos, according to my 7th grade algebra teacher, Elias]


Just for a sample of the horrific pitching we've had to endure, here are Burnett's five August starts:

August 3 vs. Whitesox: 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER
August 9 vs. Angels: 6 IP, 7 H, 4 ER
August 15 vs. Royals: 5 2/3 IP, 10 H, 3 ER
August 20 vs. Twins: 1 2/3 IP, 7 ER
Friday vs. Orioles: 5 IP, 9 ER

I'll give you a second to excuse yourself to the bathroom and throw up tacos......

Great, everyone's back.

Listen, I remember about a month ago when I saw Bruce Chen's name penciled in as the Royals' starting pitcher and thought "at least A.J. Burnett isn't as bad as Bruce Chen." But you know what? That was disrespectful to Bruce Chen.

Let me repeat that sentence, except this time all of the words are capitalized: THAT WAS DISRESPECTFUL TO BRUCE CHEN.

Do you want to make Carl Pavano and Kei Igawa sympathetic figures? Because that's what is eventually going to happen if you keep letting this buffoon pitch against Major League hitters.

"Every time A.J. Burnett gives up a three-run home run, Kei Igawa gets his wings."

- Little girl outside the Trenton Thunder box office

Here's a text message I received from a fellow Yankees fan after Friday's loss to Baltimore:

"I'm on my way to Maryland to punch him in the face and kidnap him to keep him away from the Yankees."

I think that sums up everyone's feelings.

But we don't want him to go away completely. Let's get some value out of that ridiculous contract that you gave him before the 2009 season even though you were basically bidding against yourselves. Here are a few suggestions for what to do with Burnett:

1. Put him in the bullpen, but not to warm up and come in to pitch, but to catch.
2. Have him get a tattoo on his chest that reads I CAN'T GET OUT ANY WHITESOX.
3. Usher in section 324 during the odd-numbered innings.
4. Have him get a tattoo on his back that reads I CAN'T GET OUT ANY ORIOLES EITHER.
5. Convince him that he is a pigeon named David. Enroll him in pigeon school.
6. Francisco Cervelli's personal chauffeur.

Those are just a few ideas.

If you won't listen to me, at least listen to Glen the Movementarian, Barney, Otto, Skinner and Moe:





Sincerely,
Derwood and millions of Yankees fans

Curveballs for Jobu 8/26/11

Curveballs for Jobu is the trip around the ballparks Offbasepercentage keeps forgetting to take.

Today's honorary bat boy is Tim Bogar.


[2001 Topps Limited Tim Bogar. Estimated value: 6 sea shell pieces]


Yankees 22, Athletics 9. Oakland led 7-2 in this game and then a whole lot of horrible happened. After a run in the fourth, New York got to work. Robinson Cano popped a grand slam in the fifth, then Russell Martin hit a slam of his own (2nd home run of the game) in the sixth. The Yankees weren't done, sending 12 to the plate in the six-run seventh, capped by Curtis Granderson's grand slam. It's the first time in baseball history one team has hit three grand slams (or "salamis") in one game, and it capped a Simply SteveTroutian day for a number of Oakland pitchers. Starter Rich Harden wasn't good: six earned in 4 1/3 IP, but compared to two people called Jordan Norberto and Bruce Billings-2 IP, 11 ER, 9 BB-Harden was Kit Keller in the championship against the Rockford Peaches. The absurd run total overshadowed the performance of Yankees' starter Phil Hughes, who stunk: 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER.

*UPDATE* - 8:17 p.m. EST - While walking to Oakland's gate at LaGuardia Airport, Billings walked a security guard and gave up a two-run double to a baggage handler.

Diamondbacks 8, Nationals 1. Paul Goldschmidt Watch: 3-for-4, HR, 3 RBIs.

Royals 9, Bluejays 6. Don't look now, but the Royals are 54-77. Seriously, don't look.

Astros 3, Giants 1. While watching these two powerhouse offenses go at it in San Fran, I asked my cat an important question: who has a smaller head, Juan Pierre or Jordan Schafer? Results are still to be determined (though my cat did throw up a rubber band, so those results have been determined), but the distance of Schafer's seventh-inning home run went further than all of Pierre's 2011 hits combined, according to my landscaper, Elias.

Reds at Marlins: no game. Projected attendance at Sun Life Stadium if there was a game: Randal McPherson and his new girlfriend, Diane, Carlos Mejia + guest, Tony Shapiro and his son, Tony Jr., Mr. and Mrs. Hector Sandoval, the Dade County 11-year old all star team.

cbssports.com


Who is Aldridge? I can only find three Aldridges in the history of baseball, so it's two of these three:

1. Vic Aldridge, who retired after the 1928 season and died in 1973
2. Cory Aldridge, who last played for the Angels in July of 2010
3. Ernie Aldridge, who is a player I made up



Other games, but down here....

Braves 8, Cubs 3
Redsox 6, Rangers 0
Orioles 6, Twins 1
Cardinals 8, Pirates 4
Tigers 2, Devilrays 0

A Step Back For Society

Kid on the on-deck circle: "Ump, what are you doing over here?"