MTD lives in New Orleans and Derwood built a cabin out of sticks and mud in Conyers, Georgia, so occasionally they have to communicate through text message. Here's the latest back-and-forth entitled "All the Joses of our Lives".
MTD (3:34 p.m. EST): So, Jose Bautista. Man, Superman, or a figment of my imagination? I have Joey Bats as the fourth-greatest hitter of all time. But I'm delusional.
Derwood Morris (3:38): Fourth of all time is Darrin Erstad. Hmmm....Bautista? Not sure. He's like me but with talent and another foot of height. But I have a salami sandwich.
MTD (3:44): Yeah, aside from the talent and the sandwich, you guys are nearly identical. But he's having a Bondsian season; better than last year. He makes Corey Patterson a better hitter.
DM (3:48): He makes Corey Patterson a better hitter. OK, just had to type it out once myself. In a recent game against the Yankees, the Nos. 4 and 5 hitters behind Bautista in the Toronto lineup were Juan Rivera and Jose Molina. Funny thing was, that's the same two guys who were on registers 4 and 5 at the Ingles by my apartment last winter.
MTD (3:56): I knew that was Juan Rivera working register 5. He consistently missed the scanner.
DM (4:01): And then he slipped and fell trying to pick up an orange he had dropped. But enough about how much we dislike Juan Rivera/Ingles. Jose and Ozzie both injured in the first doubleheader of the season for Yuma. Thoughts?
MTD (4:04): First thought: how did it take this long to talk about it. Secondly, why can't I pay to get Yuma games on TV? Ozzie got thrown out of their third game for yelling at an ump Jose was yelling at. I love them.
DM (4:09): To paraphrase Kids in the Hall character Jerry Sizzler: but I love them. I mean, Ozzie got thrown out for Jose's arguing? These guys can't do anything right.
MTD (4:14): Or do they do everything right? Jose, via Twitter, said he was with a bunch of players on some street and invited girls to come party. That's a good manager.
DM (4:18): He was on some street and invited girls to come party. Translation: they were wandering around in the Yuma suburbs and they found a mother/daughter who recognized Jose as "the guy from the energy bar commercial on the public access channel", they all went to a Golden Corral and ate a lot of macaroni and cheese, then went back to the hotel and Jose and Ozzie butchered an Abbot and Costello routine while the ladies did each other's hair.