1. Texas Rangers
Highlights: The Rangers made it all the way to the World Series after winning the West with a 90-72 record. They lost, of course, because I purchased a Cliff Lee voodoo doll from the French Quarter. Josh Hamilton put together what should be an MVP season. C.J. Wilson ended up being a star both on the mound and on Twitter @str8edgeracer. Nolan Ryan's giant head and finance group bought the Rangers which means much more of his buddy, George W. Bush. There is a good chance the Rangers will declare war on Cuba for relief pitchers.
Lowlights: Ron Washington forgot he had Neftali Feliz once he got into the World Series. Which could mean either the onset of Alzheimer's disease or the dreaded poor bullpen management syndrome. Nelson Cruz took more trips to the DL than your sister takes to the free clinic which doomed my fantasy baseball team.
Hot Stove Outlook: Re-signing Cliff Lee is priority number one. They have a good chance I think too. He recently bought cowboy boots. If that ain't science, I don't know what is. They declined Vlad Guerrero's $9 million option but will probably try to bring the old man with no knees back on the cheap.
2. Oakland A's
Highlights: The A's managed to finish second in the West with a .500 record. Dallas Braden threw a perfect game. A Dallas Braden "Get Off My Mound" T-shirt was made. Umm, their young starters pitched better this year?
Lowlights: Average home attendance was 137. There wasn't a single player who hit 20 home runs. Nobody sent me a "Get Off My Mound" T-shirt.
Hot Stove Outlook: It is now completely impossible to guess what Billy Beane might do anymore. In fact, I think he only watches soccer now.
3. Los Angels Angels
Highlights: Jered Weaver led the league in strikeouts and became the ace I hoped he'd become. Peter Bourjos got called up and played some amazing center field. Mike Trout is now the top prospect in baseball. Also, Mike Trout. Mike Trout.
Lowlights: Kendry Morales continued his hot hitting from 2009 but broke his leg celebrating a walk-off grand slam. The Angels finished 10 games out of first with an 80-82 record. The Brandon Wood third base experiment finished the season with a .146/.174/.208 line. I cried a little after each one of his plate appearances. The bullpen.
Hot Stove Outlook: The Angels figure to open up Arte Moreno's checkbook and bid on the likes of Carl Crawford, Adrian Beltre and Rafael Soriano. I really want to see a Crawford, Torii Hunter and Peter Bourjos outfield.
4. Seattle Mariners
Highlights: None. Okay fine, Felix Hernandez was brilliant and will probably win the Cy Young.
Lowlights: Chone Figgins was a bust and has a fat contract. They finished with the second worst record in baseball at 61-101. The M's finished last in batting average, on base percentage and slugging percentage. It was a reverse triple crown slash line as a team.
Hot Stove Outlook: Overspend on a player after a career year. Pray Justin Smoak develops into the prospect everybody thought he would be. Spend a lot of time trying to figure out who to draft with the second pick in next year's draft.