Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Your World Series Stars, Simpsons Style

The Rangers and the Giants are about to kick off Game One and I'm sure you've all been previewed to death by now. So, I've decided to take the good old Off Base Percentage method and rip off some old ideas and make them my own. Today we'll take a look at some of the key World Series players as their animated counter parts from The Simpsons.

Texas Rangers

1. Josh Hamilton as Sober Barney Gumble
When Barney was the town drunk, he wasted potential left and right. But once Barney got sober, he learned to fly a helicopter and saved the Simpson children from a sure forest fire death in Days of Wine and Do'h'ses. The sober version of Josh Hamilton is this year's ALCS MVP and probably the AL MVP.

2. Cliff Lee as Troy McClure
You may remember Cliff from such teams as the Cleveland Indians, Philadelphia Phillies, Seattle Mariners and Texas Rangers. No matter where Cliff Lee pitches though, he always puts together a brilliant performance.

3. C.J. Wilson as Ned Flanders
Wilson seems to be one of the nicest guys in baseball and as straight edge as they come according to his Twitter handle @str8edgeracer. I doubt Ned shares Wilson's racing enthusiasm after the "Maude incident."

4. Vlad Guerrero as Nelson Muntz
Like Nelson, Vlad will take a swing at just about anything and when it connects, it hurts.

5. Nelson Cruz as Fat Tony
When Cruz is actually active and on the show, he's one of the most dangerous players in baseball. He just needs more air time.

6. Colby Lewis as Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Lewis came over from another country (after spending two season in Japan) and has done nothing but excel at his job. Except for the time he gave the clubhouse salmonella after bringing in some expired ham.

7. Jeff Fancoeur as Grandpa
Francoeur is also afraid to walk for fear of breaking a hip. At least that's what I assume his reasoning is.

8. Bengie Molina as Comic Book Guy
Both are slow, easily winded and rarely helpful.

9. Michael Young as Mr. Burns
Young has a ton of cash now after signing a 5-year, $80 million contract but neither one of them are as feared as they used to be.

10. Elvis Andrus as Maggie Simpson
Andrus is young and talented just like his counterpart. And I never heard him speak either.

San Francisco Giants

1. Buster Posey as Bart Simpson
Posey has been a star since he made it to TV. He has the potential to carry the Giants through some otherwise disappointing stretches.

2. Tim Lincecum as Otto Mann
Too obvious? Sorry. They both have long hair, drive too fast and enjoy the occasional joint. I'm guessing they both smell like patchouli as well.

3. Brian Wilson as Homer Simpson
Two crazy characters. Wilson is getting more press after his "The Machine" stunt. He appears to have a wacky sense of humor or is completely insane. Plus, he's a guy who you'd definitely want to go party with considering his plans following winning the NLCS were to, "Rage, get minimal sleep and do it again." That has Homer written all over it.

4. Cody Ross as Sideshow Bob
Ross shows up once a season, makes a big splash and then isn't heard from for the rest of the year. Side note: I have a slap bet with a friend about Cody Ross hitting another home run this post season. I have the under and probably just jinxed myself.

5. Pablo Sandoval as Chief Wiggum
Neither of them are any good at their positions on defense but they do share a certain round physique.

6. Aubrey Huff as Jimbo Jones
Huff flies under the radar but he is a strong hitter.

7. Pat Burrell as Moe Szyslak
I don't think you can characterize either of them having a pleasant disposition. Moe is ugly (physically) and is hidden in a dark bar and Pat is ugly (defensively) and hidden in left field.

8. Edgar Renteria as Disco Stu
Their best years were in the 1970's.

9. Aaron Rowand as Krusty the Clown
This one might be a reach but Rowand's contract constantly keeps me laughing due to his poor performances.

10. Matt Cain as Lisa Simpson
Cain isn't the star of the show but he always brings his A game. I feel like I should apologize for that one.

Okay kids, who did I miss?


  1. ps: your comparison of players to simpson characters proves you have no idea of the players nor their personalities

  2. Thanks, that was what I was going for.

  3. And even though u disagree, you still sat and read it. Thank you. And I will win that slap bet ha.

  4. What about Ian Kinsler and Michale Young as Lenny and Carl?

  5. I wanted to work Lenny and Carl in there, maybe as the Darrens?

  6. Cliff Lee could also be Mr. Burns. In a few more months they'll be equally as rich.

  7. Cliff Lee as Burns is a good one. He might be able to buy a vest made from real gorilla chest. Please don't send me emails PETA, it's a cartoon.

  8. Matt Cain is Groundskeeper Willie - they look identical! Nolan Ryan is Superintendent Chalmers. All of San Francisco is Waylon Smithers.

  9. Damn, I missed some good ones. San Francisco as Smithers is hilarious.